How are you? Hope you are not too busy delivering gifts to take time to read my letter.
First of all, please pardon me for writing to you only now. You see, I was street-smart when I was a kid so I never bought into the idea of a jolly fat man in red with a long white beard giving everyone gifts they wished for. Plus, my parents always taught us to work conscientiously for the things we desired; that that’s the only way we could truly have or achieve them.
When I first heard I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (actually, a few good years before Michael Jackson’s version, hehe!), the song affirmed what I’ve known all along. No, I saw no Santa Claus kissing my mom (I would have reacted violently). I have just never seen a man in red with a long white beard with lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh (except in advertisements and department stores). Besides, Santa, we don’t have snow in the Philippines; a sleigh would never work here.
If you are wondering why I am finally writing, you must know that during these harsh, turbulent, and uncertain times, I need something to believe in. Something (or someone – that’s you!) to pin my hopes on before I finally succumb to total desperation.
So here is my letter, full of some of the things I want for Christmas. I am sure your helper elves will face a little bit of a challenge with some of them, but please, Santa, please hear my plea!
1. The earth is facing grave danger with global warming. I don’t really understand what that is all about. Would redistributing your North Pole snow around the earth help cool the globe? Maybe you should require elves around the world not to use plastics and toxic chemicals when they manufacture toys and trinkets for man.
And while you are at it, please give us cleaner air, water, and sky, and show us a way to rid the earth of all the plastic garbage, rusting cars and rotting machines, and non-biodegradable wastes we have polluted it with.
2. End all wars of whatever kind, please. Let everybody just eat, laugh, be merry, and party! Teach people to be open-minded and non-judgmental especially with regard to individual lifestyles, choices, quirks, beliefs, persuasions, and even sexual preferences. Inculcate in their minds that we are here not to judge or condemn.
3. Please guide Nicole (yes, of that controversial rape case) to find in her heart the grace to actually forgive US Marine Lance Cpl. Daniel Smith for the alleged wrongdoing. They were victims of circumstances: Both were drunk! Or was it a simple case of mixed signals? In America, accepting a drink from a stranger signifies openness.
Please enlighten everyone, especially people in the justice system, to realize that imprisoning Smith for 40 years will neither help him nor help Nicole. Instead, rehabilitate Smith and Nicole; help them rebuild their lives so they can be of better service to mankind.
4. Help inspire people in the mass media, especially film and TV, to have better ideas that would entertain viewers and make them understand more about life. Can we have original concepts please, not just tried and tired formats blatantly copied from foreign shows? And please, one Simon Cowell is enough.
5. Give us fabulous teachers who love students and teaching. We need dedicated gurus who can make learning such a delightful experience.
6. No more typhoons and earthquakes that take lives, please. No more tsunamis, too. There is enough misery in the world. Please, no more children crying and people going hungry, please!
7. By the way, can we get back those Imelda paintings auctioned off by the PCGG at Christie’s (or was it Sotheby’s)? There were some great Canalettos and Rafaels in that bunch. They say the proceeds just went to the lawyers. We could have made a world-class museum that would have boosted our tourism with those old master paintings.
8. I wish people would be happy with what they have and what they naturally are. Make them realize that aquiline noses don’t sit well on Oriental faces. Tell them that if they have brown complexion, no skin whitener could turn them into mestizas. Unless they get the skin condition called vitiligo like Michael Jackson is supposed to have.
9.Please give us politicians with a sense of humor (so when they are criticized, they won’t take it with pre-meditated vengeance!) and a sense of true public service. People are scared to avail themselves of their freedom of speech here. Political power, money, and influence are hard to contest.
10. And Santa, here are a few more special requests: An antiaging serum that really works. A sleeping pill that you take and would make you feel like you’ve had a full eight-hour sleep. Foods that look like, taste better, and are filling like the real thing but with no calorie content. A pair of eyeglasses that would make everything rosy, magical, and bright. A motor fuel that’s cheap and won’t pollute the environment. An end to vehicular color-coding days. And health and happiness for all.
And oh, dearest Santa, lest I forget, please, please, please … I wanna meet Oprah!
Thanking you profusely,
Dero
P.S. If you find many of my wishes difficult to do, a real huge bundle of cash under my Christmas tree will do. By the way, why is your name Santa? All the Santas I know, like Sta. Barbara, Sta. Maria, and Sta. Catalina, are women. Are you actually a woman? Oh, if you ever come to the Philippines, I advise you to use a jeepney or a caretela. Hope Rudolph won’t object. Merry Christmas!