Vignettes of wisdom from readers
August 16, 2005 | 12:00am
Thank you all for writing. Though I may not accommodate all your queries here in my column, I will try my best to answer you through e-mail.
Hi Maricel!
The fact that she felt guilty about hitting her daughter means that she knows she has done something bad. As little girls, we’ve always known that we should say "sorry" if we hurt someone, whether intentionally or not. Being grown-ups makes us more bound to practice this "unstated" rule. Being parents does not exempt us from admitting that we were wrong and that we are sorry. The best way we can teach our children forgiveness and humility is by being humble enough to ask for their forgiveness when we offend them and by forgiving them even before they ask for forgiveness. I have been humbled by my children’s forgiving hearts time and again. And they don’t get tired doing that, because they love us. I am sure Shine’s daughter would love her more if she would admit to her that she made a mistake in hitting her and apologize for her actions. That is one move that will endear her to her daughter. More importantly, she has shown a good example to her family.
Ignoring them just to prove our point is ineffective to our children. (It’s not like we’re trying to send a message to our husbands that they did something wrong). It won’t come across as stressing an important lesson in life. Instead, they will understand it as either "Mommy doesn’t love me because she’s mad at me and I am very bad." Or, in the case of teenagers, "Patigasan tayo." I do not claim to be an expert on teenagers for I don’t have one yet. But I was a teenager once and I know how it feels having an authority telling you what to do. In normal circumstances, teenagers tend to be secretive. Imagine what could happen if we compete with them as to who will give in first when we get into an argument. They would just clam up and we will be left in oblivion as to what is happening to them. Let us just state the merits of our case and give them time to ponder. It would be better to have a loving and honest conversation afterwards, when everyone is calm and ready.
Parenting is a constant struggle. Just like any other endeavor, choices matter a lot. But let’s not be too hard on ourselves. We will make mistakes along the way. Sometimes, the best of intentions are defeated by a bad execution. We should always be humble enough to accept these mistakes and mend whatever needs mending. May God continue to guide and inspire us all!
Lizza Martinez
Hi Maricel!
When parents ask me for the single most effective way to raise avid readers, I have a simple answer: They themselves should read, and they should read with their kids. When kids see how much pleasure parents derive from reading, then they themselves would want to experience the same. Reading should not be approached as a mere continuation of school. Rather, Mommy should make the child see that reading time with her is actually a fun, bonding activity. Bring nice storybooks at home and tell him what excitement lies within their pages, to make the child want to know how to read. Make a trip to the bookstore a reward for the child’s doing good, to make him appreciate the value of books. Reading is one of life’s greatest pleasures – let’s not have our kids miss out on it.
Ani Almario
Secretary General
Philippine Board on Books for Young Children
Help needed: Can you help this mom? E-mail me your thoughts at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.
Hello Ms. Maricel!
I would like to ask for advice regarding my temper. I’m a working mom and I have a hard time controlling my temper towards my kids. Small matters lead to spanking and hitting my kids. Sometimes, I think of punishing them by making them stay or sleep in the sala at night. Well, it never happens because my in-laws won’t allow it … but my mom told me that my kids will continue to be hard-headed because of my system. For now, I would like to focus on improving my reaction towards my kids’ actions. Hope you could help me.
Rowie Juan
19 Madre Silva Roxas District,Q.C.
Check this out, moms: Mom’s Vineyard decided to use an approach that repackages Lola Basiang – using a mom as the new storyteller of our times. Mom’s Vineyard is heard over Mom’s Radio on Sundays from 9 to 10 a.m. and 3 to 4 p.m. in Bacolod (DYCP FM 90.3), Cebu (DYAP FM 88.3), Davao (DXSS FM 97.9), Laoag (DWSN FM 97.9), Tarlac (DZMC-FM 91.1), and Cagayan de Oro (DXNY FM 107.9).
E-mail author at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.
The fact that she felt guilty about hitting her daughter means that she knows she has done something bad. As little girls, we’ve always known that we should say "sorry" if we hurt someone, whether intentionally or not. Being grown-ups makes us more bound to practice this "unstated" rule. Being parents does not exempt us from admitting that we were wrong and that we are sorry. The best way we can teach our children forgiveness and humility is by being humble enough to ask for their forgiveness when we offend them and by forgiving them even before they ask for forgiveness. I have been humbled by my children’s forgiving hearts time and again. And they don’t get tired doing that, because they love us. I am sure Shine’s daughter would love her more if she would admit to her that she made a mistake in hitting her and apologize for her actions. That is one move that will endear her to her daughter. More importantly, she has shown a good example to her family.
Ignoring them just to prove our point is ineffective to our children. (It’s not like we’re trying to send a message to our husbands that they did something wrong). It won’t come across as stressing an important lesson in life. Instead, they will understand it as either "Mommy doesn’t love me because she’s mad at me and I am very bad." Or, in the case of teenagers, "Patigasan tayo." I do not claim to be an expert on teenagers for I don’t have one yet. But I was a teenager once and I know how it feels having an authority telling you what to do. In normal circumstances, teenagers tend to be secretive. Imagine what could happen if we compete with them as to who will give in first when we get into an argument. They would just clam up and we will be left in oblivion as to what is happening to them. Let us just state the merits of our case and give them time to ponder. It would be better to have a loving and honest conversation afterwards, when everyone is calm and ready.
Parenting is a constant struggle. Just like any other endeavor, choices matter a lot. But let’s not be too hard on ourselves. We will make mistakes along the way. Sometimes, the best of intentions are defeated by a bad execution. We should always be humble enough to accept these mistakes and mend whatever needs mending. May God continue to guide and inspire us all!
Lizza Martinez
When parents ask me for the single most effective way to raise avid readers, I have a simple answer: They themselves should read, and they should read with their kids. When kids see how much pleasure parents derive from reading, then they themselves would want to experience the same. Reading should not be approached as a mere continuation of school. Rather, Mommy should make the child see that reading time with her is actually a fun, bonding activity. Bring nice storybooks at home and tell him what excitement lies within their pages, to make the child want to know how to read. Make a trip to the bookstore a reward for the child’s doing good, to make him appreciate the value of books. Reading is one of life’s greatest pleasures – let’s not have our kids miss out on it.
Ani Almario
Secretary General
Philippine Board on Books for Young Children
Hello Ms. Maricel!
I would like to ask for advice regarding my temper. I’m a working mom and I have a hard time controlling my temper towards my kids. Small matters lead to spanking and hitting my kids. Sometimes, I think of punishing them by making them stay or sleep in the sala at night. Well, it never happens because my in-laws won’t allow it … but my mom told me that my kids will continue to be hard-headed because of my system. For now, I would like to focus on improving my reaction towards my kids’ actions. Hope you could help me.
Rowie Juan
19 Madre Silva Roxas District,Q.C.
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