US-based Filipino teen wants to study here

Dear Ms. Maricel,

I have a 14-year-old son who wants to continue his schooling in the Philippines. He was born and raised here in the US, but he can speak Filipino fairly well. We always go home every year during his summer vacation, hence familiarity with our culture is no problem to him. What makes me apprehensive in sending him back to study in the Philippines is the peace and order we Filipinos worry about. However, since he is really adamant to continue his schooling back home, we are afraid that this may create problems in the future if we do not say yes to him. What will happen is I will be going back home with him while my wife will stay here in the US, visiting us every year or we will visit her whenever it is convenient for all of us. By the way, he is our only child and the other reason he wants to study in the Philippines is to be with his cousins. Do you think it is a good idea to let our son continue his schooling in the Philippines even to the point of us not being together all year round? My wife and I talked about this and we have no problem doing this. Any advice will be highly appreciated coming from you.

Thank you so much.

J. Dauz

You and your wife should talk to your son about your concerns and worries. He needs to know that his happiness is your priority. But you also have to be honest with your son, let him know about your worries/problems. Have him understand the finances, security, environment, especially the importance of your family to be together. I think all these concerns should be explained to him before moving back to the country. Open communication will solve your worries.

Good luck!

– Mrs. WDC

Alaska, USA

I have a 14-year-old of my own, a girl. And I have two more girls aged 16 and 20. I can understand your apprehensions, Mr. Dauz, being a parent myself. But sometimes, we have to let go and let God. I worry everytime my kids walk out the door. Which is why my husband and I never forget to bless our children every day when they leave for school or wherever.

But of course, in your case, your child will be miles away from home (your home in the US). You mention the peace and order situation here in the Philippines as the major source of your apprehension. You know, Mr. Dauz, we were considering sending our kids to the US to study, but we changed our minds after hearing/reading horrifying news, like that guy who ran amok in a restaurant in one state in the US and peppered the place with bullets. And what about every day cases of violence that happen not only in the dark alleys but in the supposed safety of one’s own home that provide grist for popular TV series like CSI (Crime Scene Investigation)? Surely, you are aware of these grim realities of life in America.

And did you know that a lot of Asian students choose to study in the Philippines to benefit from our quality but affordable education?

Your son may just be better off here, where he has cousins with whom he can share his growing-up pains. And in the long run, where he can discover his true identity amid the warmth of home and the love of kin and kith.

– Claire

Parañaque

There seems to be no problem in sending your son to the Philippines. As I can see, you are most worried about the peace and order situation in the Philippines.

If in the future things wouldn’t be fine, it would be best for him to go back to US. But for now, I think it’s okay if he studies in the Philippines for it is his will. Constant communication will help a lot to ease the anxiety that you are experiencing.

Anyway, we live in a high-tech world – e-mailing, texting, and chatting are fun. And in my opinion, Prayer 911 is even more effective.

– Sdiocales

I also have a son who’s 14 and an only child. We live in Vancouver, Canada. No matter how persistent my son is to continue his studies in the Philippines, I will tell him not right now but maybe when he’s old enough.

Fourteen is a delicate age – it’s the stage when kids want to experiment, be independent.

But if you feel your boy will be safe in the Philippines and somebody will look after him well while you and your wife are in the States, then give it a try. Often, the separation is easier for the kid than for the parents, who worry and find it hard to let go.

Ask guidance from the Lord. He will give you the go signal.

– Chato Paulino

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E-mail author at mommytalk@businessworks.com.ph.