I like what Anthony shared about the way the mind works. It’s not an event, but a process. He cites the example of an egg hatching. We marvel at seeing the egg being hatched, but fail to recognize the process the chicken has to go through to actually produce the egg. We see the event that was the result of a process. He reminds us to be process-oriented. He says there are four I’ s that we must keep in mind to better understand our thought process:
• Initiation – this is the stage where observation, gathering of info, facts, and brainstorming occur. If you remember the cartoon series where Willey the Cayote and Roadrunner play lead roles, this is the time when Willey the Cayote is watching Roadrunner; this is when we are asked to share all our problems with a counselor or when we tell the doctor all the facts that occurred in the past few days to let him know a bit more of why your son developed a rash on his cheek or why he had had a fever for a few days.
• Incubation – during this time, hardly any physical activity is taking place. Time is given for the mind and spirit to be revived and do its work. There is rest, where the brain is given time to process all the information it has been given. Yes, that’s why we need to sleep! Sleeping is one form of allowing one’s self to incubate the information. During this time, the doctor tells you to take something and advises you to see him in the morning. Your counselor thanks you for sharing, and tells you he’ll see you next week. Willey the Cayote sits down to rest his head on a rock.
• Illumination – this is when the lightbulb appears, when you suddenly see a deja vu, when you say, "Hey that’s a great idea!" Or your yes moment happens and you are suddenly awakened to a certain reality or a paradigm shift.
• Implementation – Willey the Cayote creates the trap. Steps one, two and three are listed down. Now, you know how to move on and you don’t have to go back to the counselor because you’re okay.
These things hold true for raising a child, conducting a meeting, negotiating with a yaya, changing the mind of one’s spouse. We must respect each stage of the process. We must learn to gather information first before forming our conclusion. Gosh, we learned these basic steps in elementary, especially in doing experiments and solving simple math problems! We must respect simple mundane acts like sleeping and doing nothing. We must give value to the act of pabanjing- banjing. Our kids need time to rest and not be so consumed in completing an activity all their waking moments. Implementation can’t stop an illumination. Like, how many times in a week do you start out with a plan, but relax and forget about the tasks you need to accomplish simply because your mind rested after having written your list? This happens to me all the time. I get into this mode that once I jot things down, they are as good as done when this is just the start of the process. I still need to make sure my Manang actually goes to the market or else, we will not have food on the table! Here in the Philippines, we’re such event-conscious people. We love to attend parties, weddings, etc., and throw extravagant parties. My husband has been asked to emcee countless weddings and he says he’s seen many great weddings but only very few great marriages. We’re just not a people trained to do follow-throughs on our efforts.
Can’t wait to get your husband to say yes to a request? Don’t think that your nagging will make him say yes. Give him time to see the facts and let him have some time to think about them. Wait with a smile. Even the changes we want to see happen with our kids need this same process. Though you’ve got it all figured out, the same pattern of mistakes will likely be made again if you don’t give yourself time to focus on the issue you have to face and absorb all your learnings.