Out of sight, out of mind

I had just wrapped up our taping for our Kitchenomics program (which airs every Monday 1-1:30 p.m. on Eat Bulaga). Apart from enjoying the recipes we did (because they were all super winners for noche buena), I also realize the preciousness of the friendships that have bloomed through the years (three-and-a-half years) among the members of the team. There are countless magic moments with each one but I would like to share with you why I’m thankful to have a co-host like my partner chef Jay Gamboa. He and his lovely wife Maja have recently been blessed with a super adorable daughter Lucia, now four months old. Every time we have a chance to chat in between takes, Jay always talks about Lucia and eagerly asks for advice on what to do to become a good father to her. He asked me several times about what kind of tricks he can do to entertain Lucia so I gave him a book full of games and activities and simply told him to read it. He insisted on being told what they were since I knew the contents of the book already.

I vividly recall the twinkle in his eyes as he nodded to indicate he understood the games and smiled each time I said something he already has been doing with his baby.

I zeroed in on a particular game which was peek-a-boo. I told him the importance of peek-a-boo at this age (four months) when babies are starting to learn the concept of object permanence. It teaches them that things come back even when they disappear for a while. I reminded him that the game also reinforces our children to believe we will return even when we have to be out of their sight for a while.

He remarked that perhaps he should leave a video of him and his wife to be viewed by Lucia when they go on their Hong Kong trip without her. I agreed with him and recalled how truly sad I felt when my youngest son (who is one year old now) didn’t recognize me upon my arrival from an eight-day trip to Singapore with just my two daughters. When I tried to get him from his yaya Susan, he held on to her tightly and started to cry. I also (at that point) wanted to cry because I missed him so much. Instead, I let him be and continued to stay close for the next few days after our arrival. Eventually, he recognized me ( after two days!).

I was refreshed having had the chance to share my insights with Jay and am thankful because with his desire to be a good father, I am inspired. I celebrate his hopeful spirit and the urgency to do what is best for his only baby girl ( for now). Thanks, Jay. You have inspired me to be always on my toes and never let my guard down.

Let’s make our presence felt while away from home. The following are some practical solutions to not being out of mind even when we’re out of sight.

• Let them know – if you have to leave. Say goodbye properly. Some parents have the habit of distracting their children and leaving them unaware of their trip. It is not always easy to see my children send me off crying but Anthony and I feel it is important to be true to them as to our whereabouts than to make them believe that we are just around when we’re not. We tell them ahead of time and if it’s an out-of-town or out-of-the-country trip, a brief history of the place. We also have gotten into the habit of giving each a last look and kiss before we leave. We do it to leave an imprint or a stamp of our love.

• Call – once in a while to ask how the kids are doing and let them know when to expect you back. Even our babies who couldn’t talk yet would appreciate hearing our voice. It would help them recognize us faster. I lacked in this area when I was in Singapore. I only talked to Donny and Anthony but seldom with Benj. Now, I make sure I talk to him, too.

• Leave a remembrance – it may be a picture they can constantly go back to or a special object they associate with you. I remember keeping my mom’s picture always beside me every time she went abroad. I felt close to her. For our babies, we could leave our used clothing so that they could recognize our smell through the clothing and be reminded we are just around. Anthony takes a video of himself for each child and asks me to show it every other day (he changes costumes pa and talks to them as if he’s just in the other room) so that the children feel connected to him.

• Bring pasalubong – a remembrance of the place or if you just have to be in the office, a reminder that they were thought of when you were out of their sight. Our kids are thrilled to see us and get excited to receive a token because they were remembered.

• Be around – when you’re home and block off time to bond and build memories that your kids could go back to when they miss you. My Ate Vicky ( Pangilinan) always reminds her 10-year-old daughter that she is her best friend. She keeps on telling this to Gabriela so that if she ever feels alone or has no one to turn to, she will turn to her best friend (her mother, of course!) for help.

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Any thoughts? Share them through: mommytalk@business works.com.ph.

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The babes are at it again!

J: How can you play alone for four hours?

K (8 years old): Make up my own stories!

J: Really? How?

K: Cause and effect, context clues, then I make my inferences on what could happen, etc.

J: Acheche.

Tim (6 years old): Pa, I made P80 selling juice.

P: Where did you buy it?

T: In the market with my yaya Shirley.

P: How much?

T: P40.

P: Okay, give yaya Shirley P10.

T: Pwede P5?