Parenting passionately
November 5, 2002 | 12:00am
Lately, I have been so obsessed with badminton. I dream about waking up early enough so that I could reserve a court (at 5:30 in the morning!) and get totally discouraged when I don’t get to play. While in court, I take my game seriously and take note of lessons I can apply for my next game. Because I was concerned about the habits I would form from playing as an amateur, I felt the need to train with a professional so that I could learn to play badminton the right way and maybe one day be good enough to compete. Aside from the game being totally addicting, the friends that I get to play with really make the experience complete. They add fun and zest to the sport. I’m glad I’m hooked on badminton. It gives me reason to wake up early to welcome a new day with a hopeful spirit (to get a court), it helped me gain a lot of strength and endurance physically, it provides me with a chance to have time for myself and friends and most of all, being consistent with it has truly inspired my husband. All this reminds me of how parents (us included) get so focused on a lot of things to the point of obsession that much of our time is dedicated to our job, time for self or for friends, etc. Meanwhile, our children grow up so fast and we lose out on so much and then wonder whatever happened.
The passion to stay involved in any sport or hobby is difficult in the beginning because it takes commitment and determination. For it to become part of one’s system, it has to be something that is inspiring and at the same time enjoyable. While training, I am constantly reminded by my coach (Mike Sabaot, who’s the best) to always start with the basic drills so that it becomes muscle memory. This will help me play with the right form and footwork without thinking. I guess it’s even more difficult to stay passionately involved in parenting or even being a spouse because aside from it demanding quite a great deal of the same commitment and determination to stay on course, there is that aspect of having to continuously deal with different persons who are totally unique. At least if one has to do a sport or hobby, it will be during a selected time of convenience. That is not the case in the home. Parents really do not have the luxury to choose when not to be a parent. We can try to escape from our kids or husband for a while especially when we’re at a loss as to how to manage them but we will have to eventually face the consequences of such a choice.
Although it may seem to be a truly gruelling task, I believe that it is possible to parent with a lasting passion. As in any sport, there are several things that can help you stay on course on the home front with a passion:
• Make the choice to be a passionate parent. Do not be happy with the mediocre behavior you see in your children. It is not enough that they seem okay; they should be truly cared for, so they will learn to care for others. I am reminded of Helen Keller’s story. Anne Sullivan didn’t settle for Helen to just learn good manners, she instilled in Helen the necessary tools for her to communicate in a world she cannot see, hear or talk about, but used her senses to be a truly awesome example of a woman who achieved so much despite her limitations.
• Be present during practice. That means you make yourself present consistently enough to learn what makes your kids tick. It has been a truly humbling experience for me to make myself do the simple tasks of feeding, bathing, toilet training, putting to bed, etc. (which I can easily delegate that to my yayas) my kids, but I make myself do them (as much as possible) so that I am constantly connected with them and learn about them while doing the things they engage in on a day-to-day basis. When I was half-hearted about playing badminton, I didn’t really enjoy it or learned much about it. As I made a consistent effort to play, I became engrossed with it.
• Get training. Jim Collins, a management expert, says that good is the enemy of great. People relax when they become good at something that it prevents them from trying to aim for a higher achievement. We shouldn’t stop at being good but rather make our best effort to produce children who can one day be assets to our society. We may not have targets to reach at home like in the office setting but it shouldn’t prevent us from working excellently in molding our children. In order to be excellent, we must also be accountable to people we trust and who have best intentions for us. They are the ones who will tell us off when we need to change our ways, lift us up when we fail, and encourage or affirm us when we are doing the right thing.
• Rest. I have felt renewed and more excited to continue my badminton when I have a chance to do it every other day rather than every day. There’s room for my aching muscles to relax and my mind to focus on other things aside from my sport. I also look forward to playing because I tend to miss it. As a parent, I really feel we have to make an effort to have a day-off once in a while to get a fresher outlook in our parenting. Believe me, we need to have a day-off. Try it first and then you’ll see what I’m talking about...
How about you, got any thoughts to share? E-mail me at bizwrks@attglobal.net..
The passion to stay involved in any sport or hobby is difficult in the beginning because it takes commitment and determination. For it to become part of one’s system, it has to be something that is inspiring and at the same time enjoyable. While training, I am constantly reminded by my coach (Mike Sabaot, who’s the best) to always start with the basic drills so that it becomes muscle memory. This will help me play with the right form and footwork without thinking. I guess it’s even more difficult to stay passionately involved in parenting or even being a spouse because aside from it demanding quite a great deal of the same commitment and determination to stay on course, there is that aspect of having to continuously deal with different persons who are totally unique. At least if one has to do a sport or hobby, it will be during a selected time of convenience. That is not the case in the home. Parents really do not have the luxury to choose when not to be a parent. We can try to escape from our kids or husband for a while especially when we’re at a loss as to how to manage them but we will have to eventually face the consequences of such a choice.
Although it may seem to be a truly gruelling task, I believe that it is possible to parent with a lasting passion. As in any sport, there are several things that can help you stay on course on the home front with a passion:
• Make the choice to be a passionate parent. Do not be happy with the mediocre behavior you see in your children. It is not enough that they seem okay; they should be truly cared for, so they will learn to care for others. I am reminded of Helen Keller’s story. Anne Sullivan didn’t settle for Helen to just learn good manners, she instilled in Helen the necessary tools for her to communicate in a world she cannot see, hear or talk about, but used her senses to be a truly awesome example of a woman who achieved so much despite her limitations.
• Be present during practice. That means you make yourself present consistently enough to learn what makes your kids tick. It has been a truly humbling experience for me to make myself do the simple tasks of feeding, bathing, toilet training, putting to bed, etc. (which I can easily delegate that to my yayas) my kids, but I make myself do them (as much as possible) so that I am constantly connected with them and learn about them while doing the things they engage in on a day-to-day basis. When I was half-hearted about playing badminton, I didn’t really enjoy it or learned much about it. As I made a consistent effort to play, I became engrossed with it.
• Get training. Jim Collins, a management expert, says that good is the enemy of great. People relax when they become good at something that it prevents them from trying to aim for a higher achievement. We shouldn’t stop at being good but rather make our best effort to produce children who can one day be assets to our society. We may not have targets to reach at home like in the office setting but it shouldn’t prevent us from working excellently in molding our children. In order to be excellent, we must also be accountable to people we trust and who have best intentions for us. They are the ones who will tell us off when we need to change our ways, lift us up when we fail, and encourage or affirm us when we are doing the right thing.
• Rest. I have felt renewed and more excited to continue my badminton when I have a chance to do it every other day rather than every day. There’s room for my aching muscles to relax and my mind to focus on other things aside from my sport. I also look forward to playing because I tend to miss it. As a parent, I really feel we have to make an effort to have a day-off once in a while to get a fresher outlook in our parenting. Believe me, we need to have a day-off. Try it first and then you’ll see what I’m talking about...
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