How to cure your shopping addiction

If the mushrooming of malls and warehouse superstores amid an economic slowdown is any indication, we may as well be called a nation of shoppers!

At the onset of 2001, some of us were still loaded with Christmas holiday debts. And before we can even breathe from the stretched Christmas shopping payment schemes of credit card companies, February ushered in Valentine’s Day. We were bombarded with messages that it is not only for romantic couples but for everyone to celebrate and express love.

Celebration seems to be the key word for each month has a celebration expense. March for graduation gifts or blowouts, April for that special vacation getaway (again with the tempting deferred payment offer), May for Mother’s Day, June for school opening and Father’s Day (not to mention the line-up of weddings). Then creative retailers thought of the Rainy Day Specials for July to September. There is Halloween in October. We honor the dead in November. Then we overspend again in December for endless partying and gift- giving.

The Great Retail Seduction

Shop windows create the desire for products or an experience. A decade-and-a-half ago, people watched out for the changing of window displays that signalled a celebration or month theme change. Now, this is still the game but on a bigger scale. Because now there are malls, supercenters and warehouse superstores.

Aside from month-to-month shopping fiestas, retailers have come up with fantastic payday blowouts like the Midnight Madness. Discounts and promotions, whether real or imagined (as some are way padded up), seem to keep cash registers ringing. Discount specials drive shoppers crazy, making them buy beyond their means or buy things on impulse that they will never use.

Once in the Bruno Magli outlet in Chicago, I bought several pairs of shoes because they were on discount. The shopkeeper asked me, "Why do Filipinos love to shop for a lot of shoes (the Marcoses were just unseated then so I thought he was referring to Imelda)? Two Filipino ladies who were here before you each got at least a dozen pairs!"

Once playing travel guide to some Filipino professionals who were in the United States for the first time, my husband and I were excitedly enumerating the various must-see sites in Chicago, Detroit, Ohio and New York. We were appalled when they told us all they are interested in were the much-talked-about factory outlets! (Not that I am unfamiliar. I am a proud owner of a complete directory of factory outlets across the continent.)

Filipinos crowd the shopping centers of Hong Kong for the winter and summer sales. They flock to Bangkok and jostle for bargains in Pratunam and Chatuchak. You bump into them in Korea, Taipei, Singapore and every Asian country with a night market. They jam-pack all the holiday tiangges.

Why the penchant for shopping? Well, because the mall offers such a variety of activities for the family that spends most weekends together. Because retail displays and advertisements create subliminal desires with constant exposure. Because stiff competition has brought discount and value shopping into air-conditioned, safe and pleasant shopping malls. Even the old-time favorite Divisoria has been remarketed as a mall.

"The malling of America" syndrome has created a "spend-happy" pop psychology. Nothing of this is bad as long as things don’t get out of control. But are we in control?

Shop Till You Drop

In general, sociologists say we are living beyond our means and many of us are drowning in debt. "Many people, no matter their level of income, view shopping and malling as a hobby. They take weekend-long shopping excursions, spend money they do not have, and often regret their purchases the next day," Dr. April Lane Benson opines.

"A true shopaholic shops out of compulsion. They will make purchases long after they are over their heads in debt. They shop when they are feeling emotionally distressed, and use spending as a coping mechanism. They do not shop because they merely enjoy it, or because they are purchasing things that they have a need for. They buy things because they feel they HAVE to. A shopaholic is out of control," she points out.

Dr. April Lane Benson is the author of a new book released only in July last year and titled I Shop, Therefore I Am: Compulsive Buying and the Search for Self. In this book, she presents clinical cases of shopping addiction and how they damage the person, relationships and finances. She also discusses treatment and coping strategies.

She calls excessive and compulsive buying the "smiled upon" addiction because it is condoned, if not encouraged, by society. "It is at once a source of wry humor (witness the ubiquitous bumper stickers: "Born to Shop;" "Veni, Vidi, VISA," and "When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Go Shopping," to mention a few) and at the same time consumption fuels our economy," Dr. Benson explains.

But as studies suggest that as many as a quarter of all Americans have problems with buying and that between one and six percent of the population are full-fledged compulsive buyers, this phenomenon is not really a case for rejoicing.

Why The Shopping Addiction?

Author and Indiana University Professor Ruth Engs makes the following observations:

"People who shop till they drop and run their credit cards up to the limit often have a shopping addiction. They believe that if they shop they will feel better. Compulsive shopping and spending generally makes a person feel worse. It is similar to other addictive behaviors and has some of the same characteristics as problem drinking (alcoholism), gambling and overeating addictions.

"Compulsive shopping or spending can be a seasonal balm for the depression, anxiety and loneliness during the December holiday season. It can also occur when a person feels depressed, lonely and angry. Shopping and spending will not assure more love, bolster self-esteem, or heal the hurts, regrets, stress, and the problems of daily living. It generally makes these feelings worse because of the increased financial debt the person has obtained from compulsive shopping."

Research reveals that shopping addiction tends to affect more women than men; women often buy things they do not need. Peer or societal approval is another reason why people over-shop. Status symbols are acquired to "be in" or to "keep up with the Joneses."

Still others try to fill emotional voids by fulfilling themselves by purchasing desirable things. This creates the illusion of success and happiness. After the superficial satisfaction vanishes, one realizes that the joy from material things is short-lived.

Are You A Compulsive Shopper?

Prof. Engs warns that you may be a compulsive shopper if you say "yes" to any four of the following:

• Do you shop or spend money when you feel disappointed, angry or scared?

• Do you shop for a "pick-me-up," to get a high, or get a "rush" just like a drug or alcohol addict?

• Do you go binge shopping during the year, including compulsive buying of certain items, such as shoes, kitchen items or clothing?

• Does your shopping/spending habits cause emotional distress or chaos in your life?

• Do you have arguments with others regarding shopping or spending habits?

• Do you feel lost without credit cards?

• Do you buy items on credit that you would not pay in cash?

• Does spending money cause a rush of euphoria and anxiety at the same time?

• Does spending or shopping feel like a reckless or forbidden act?

• Do you feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed or confused after shopping or spending money?

•Do you have many purchases that you never use? (Women with this compulsive disorder often have racks of clothes and possessions with the price tags still attached.)

•Do you lie to others about what was bought or how much money was spent? (If family or friends begin to complain about their purchases, shoppers will often hide the things they buy. They are often in denial about the problem.)

• Do you think excessively about money?

• Do you spend a lot of time juggling accounts and bills to accommodate spending?

How To Stay Away From Overspending

If you are or have the makings of a compulsive shopper, Prof. Engs advises the following strategies to prevent your shopping binges:

• Pay for purchases by cash. Get rid of your credit cards (except one to be used for emergencies only) if you do not have self-control in using them. Leave your ATM card behind if you always have the urge to withdraw money on a buying impulse.

• Make a shopping list and buy only what’s on the list.

• Avoid discount warehouses and mall-wide discount festivals. Allocate only a certain amount of cash to be spent if you do visit one.

• "Window shop" only after stores have closed. If you do "look" during the day, leave your wallet at home.

• Avoid phoning in catalog orders and don’t watch TV shopping channels. Stay away from e-commerce sites.

• If you’re traveling to visit friends or relatives, have your gifts wrapped and bring them; people tend to be more carefree in shopping when they shop outside their own communities.

• Take a walk or exercise when the urge to shop comes on. Chances are the urge will pass when you get your mind on something else.

• Never buy on impulse, on the spot. Instead, walk away and give yourself a "mandatory waiting period" to think things over. If you still want the item in a few days, then you can go back and make your thought-out purchase.

• Make a budget and put it on paper. Give yourself some "mad money" for each month. Do not allow yourself to purchase anything outside the budget.

• Write down everything you purchase for two weeks: groceries, gas for your car, the electric bill and even that candy bar! This will make you more conscious of where your hard-earned money is going. Being more aware of your spending will also make you more in control.

• If you feel out of control, you probably are. Seek counseling or a support group.

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E-mail mylene@bender-and-strands for questions and comments.