Don’t wallow in self-pity - OPENING WINDOWS by Chits Melchor Hechanova
June 5, 2001 | 12:00am
Dear Tita Chits,
My father abandoned us and left us to fend for ourselves with nary an explanation. After he left, my mother, a former public school teacher, had to use whatever financial resources were available to help us get by.
Being the eldest and only girl, I had to give way to my two brothers. The brother next to me finished his course (AB mass comm.) but he is still looking for a stable job in Manila. My mother has some misgivings about his going to my father for help. Much as I feel the pain my mother is going through, I can’t help but harbor bitterness. My youngest brother has to work at a fast food chain to support his studies while I continue to work at odd jobs to meet our basic needs. I want to finish my course (BSED-English). I am one semester short. But with our dire situation, I cannot set aside any part of my P1,300 monthly salary! At sa totoo lang, many are the times when I can’t help but feel thwarted by the very God I believe in. Para bang hindi na kami binibigyan pa ng options. Having been raised decently by my mother, the pain and the stigma of coming from a broken family is so painful.
How can I let go of this feeling that engulfs me?
Does God really care? If He really does, why do crooks like my father live it up while we who toe the line falter and grope helplessly, even for a bit of goodness to hold on to?
I am in a bind and your counsel would be of great help to me.
Thank you so much.
God bless you and your family, and all your endeavors as well.
Sincerely,
Jenifer P. Rivera
Dear Jenifer,
I sympathize with you for your many problems, but you must remember that you are better off than many other people. Sen. Johnny Falvier was born in a shanty in Tondo with tires to keep his leaking roof from being swept away by every typhoon. But he managed to finish his studies in medicine and become a successful doctor of the barrios and an honest public official.
When I was12, my father died, leaving my mother with me and two other siblings to support. My mother had no house but she worked very hard and was able to build one through her own efforts. I had to study hard so that I could keep my scholarship in school where my mother was the head of the Home Economics Department. All of us have problems in life – so please do not pity yourself. It is your attitude towards your problems that should be corrected. When anyone asks, "Why me?" when confronted with a problem, I always feel like answering, Why not you? Are you such a special person to be exempted from life’s problems?
You and your mother should stop blaming your father for your present problems.
Try to finish your course in college so you can become a teacher. In the meantime, look for a job which will allow you to earn enough for your tuition. Sure, you can apply to be a salesgirl or an assistant in an office in the daytime. Then at night, you may go to school so you can finish your course. Even a maid earns at least P2,000 a month. Perhaps you can be a live-in tutor for the children. Or be a waitress or a Metro Manila aide – these jobs are respected as honest labor.
When you feel despondent about God’s not caring for you, read Psalm 23 – "The Lord is our shepherd, I shall not want." Try to appreciate whatever you have now and thank God for them. Pray for God’s blessings and accompany your prayer with your own hard work. Try to develop a steady relationship with Jesus that will last a lifetime.
Tita Chits
Need help? Write to: Chits M. Hechanova, P.O. Box, 138 Murphy Dist., QC. Or e-mail Chitshech@hotmail.com
My father abandoned us and left us to fend for ourselves with nary an explanation. After he left, my mother, a former public school teacher, had to use whatever financial resources were available to help us get by.
Being the eldest and only girl, I had to give way to my two brothers. The brother next to me finished his course (AB mass comm.) but he is still looking for a stable job in Manila. My mother has some misgivings about his going to my father for help. Much as I feel the pain my mother is going through, I can’t help but harbor bitterness. My youngest brother has to work at a fast food chain to support his studies while I continue to work at odd jobs to meet our basic needs. I want to finish my course (BSED-English). I am one semester short. But with our dire situation, I cannot set aside any part of my P1,300 monthly salary! At sa totoo lang, many are the times when I can’t help but feel thwarted by the very God I believe in. Para bang hindi na kami binibigyan pa ng options. Having been raised decently by my mother, the pain and the stigma of coming from a broken family is so painful.
How can I let go of this feeling that engulfs me?
Does God really care? If He really does, why do crooks like my father live it up while we who toe the line falter and grope helplessly, even for a bit of goodness to hold on to?
I am in a bind and your counsel would be of great help to me.
Thank you so much.
God bless you and your family, and all your endeavors as well.
Sincerely,
Jenifer P. Rivera
Dear Jenifer,
I sympathize with you for your many problems, but you must remember that you are better off than many other people. Sen. Johnny Falvier was born in a shanty in Tondo with tires to keep his leaking roof from being swept away by every typhoon. But he managed to finish his studies in medicine and become a successful doctor of the barrios and an honest public official.
When I was12, my father died, leaving my mother with me and two other siblings to support. My mother had no house but she worked very hard and was able to build one through her own efforts. I had to study hard so that I could keep my scholarship in school where my mother was the head of the Home Economics Department. All of us have problems in life – so please do not pity yourself. It is your attitude towards your problems that should be corrected. When anyone asks, "Why me?" when confronted with a problem, I always feel like answering, Why not you? Are you such a special person to be exempted from life’s problems?
You and your mother should stop blaming your father for your present problems.
Try to finish your course in college so you can become a teacher. In the meantime, look for a job which will allow you to earn enough for your tuition. Sure, you can apply to be a salesgirl or an assistant in an office in the daytime. Then at night, you may go to school so you can finish your course. Even a maid earns at least P2,000 a month. Perhaps you can be a live-in tutor for the children. Or be a waitress or a Metro Manila aide – these jobs are respected as honest labor.
When you feel despondent about God’s not caring for you, read Psalm 23 – "The Lord is our shepherd, I shall not want." Try to appreciate whatever you have now and thank God for them. Pray for God’s blessings and accompany your prayer with your own hard work. Try to develop a steady relationship with Jesus that will last a lifetime.
Tita Chits
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