What comes around, goes around

For older males, premature ejaculation is sometimes attributed to psychological factors: it’s ‘all in the head.’

But it isn’t in the head for long.

Under threat of abandoning my fan club, my three female readers have asked me to react to the unassumingly named study “Asia-Pacific Sexual Behaviors Media Survey Regional Report with Country-Specific Findings for the Philippines” by Kantar Health. 

As I pored over the study, I discovered that out of the 3,500 respondents who were interviewed, 300 came from the Philippines. At this juncture, I would like to make the disclaimer that I did not participate in the study for health reasons (if I did, then my wife would dismember me from pink part to pink part).  

Moreover, I am unsure whether the local couples in this study had the permission of their priest, pastor or albularyo to answer the questions, but I assure you that the revelations of this study are bigger than 350 hectares of property in Rosario, Batangas.

KANTAR HEALTH INTERVIEWER: Let’s see if your answers will be consistent with the results of the study. “Who do you think initiates intercourse in a relationship? The man or the woman?”

RJ LEDESMA: Let me ask my wife.

(No Girlfriend Since Birth representative: I didn’t even realize there was an initiation. Talagang inutil ang gobyerno natin! What happened to the anti-hazing law!?)

The findings revealed that men dominate the initiation of intercourse between couples — from both a male and female perspective. Based on the survey, this is how men prefer it to be and this is how it has always been.

(Dirty Old Man representative: Even when we still wore our Saber-tooth tiger loincloths.)

In the Philippines, three out of five men say they initiate intercourse. But, unlike the rest of the Asia-Pacific, three out of five women in the Philippines also say that they initiate intercourse.

(NGSB: Do you know the relationship status of those three women on Facebook?)

Moreover, 80 percent of the Philippine respondents say the want to increase their frequency of intercourse per month. Locally, men report having intercourse 9.4 times per month while women report having intercourse 8.7 times per month, which are both higher than the regional average of 7.7 times per month.

Wow. I didn’t realize how many Filipino men were lying about their frequency of intercourse per month.

Another revelation of the study is that couples are not meeting their “expectations” in the bedroom. Men demand a higher minimum intercourse time, as well as ideal time for ejaculation, compared to women. In the Philippines, a majority of men desire an ejaculation time of more than 30 minutes as both a “minimum expectation” and an “ideal.”

Maybe that’s their ideal because the videos they’ve been watching have been 30 minutes long?

When it comes to the importance of intercourse in a relationship, Philippine trends tend to be similar to regional trends with the majority of males placing high importance on intercourse in a relationship. Eighty-three percent of men and 82 percent of women in the country agree that mutual sexual satisfaction plays a key role in a successful relationship.  However, 72 percent of men are concerned about not being able to sexually satisfy their partners. Of these, 46 percent of them are concerned about ejaculating too early or not being able to control when they ejaculate. 

Where are you going with all this? I refuse to continue this interview unless it is in aid of legislation.

Because it is directly related to the main part the study. Sir, do you know what premature ejaculation is?

(DOM: Premature? At my age, everything is post-mature.)

(NGSB: I understand it. Theoretically.) 

Next question please.

The reason I asked was because the study was conducted to better understand how premature ejaculation (PE) was understood by both men and women and how it, in turn, affects the quality of a relationship.

(NGSB: I got low grades in PE. It’s not really my thing. But you should see me at Minecraft.)

Thank you for that explanation. My wife called, she told me to go home now because I’m grounded.

According to our findings, there is no consistent definition or understanding of PE among both males and females.

(NGSB: Maybe visual aids might help?)

The study reveals that PE is more associated with the ability to control (or the lack of it). Control equals control, or the “end need state,” but does not equal time.

(NGSB: Is there a remote control and timer for PE that I can buy second-hand at Olx.ph?)

PE is commonly perceived as a psychological condition. Stress (51 percent) is often seen as the cause, which consequently causes more stress as well. This is followed by fatigue (45 percent) and anxiety (41 percent). Unique to the Philippines is how 40 percent of both men and women surveyed believe that PE is caused by an unhealthy diet or lifestyle. For older males, PE is attributed to physical factors like “hormones” or psychological factors (PE is all “in the head”).

It isn’t in the head for long.

On the other hand, younger Pinoy males attribute PE to “excitement” (or “gigil”) over his encounter. 

(NGSB: Sigh. I wonder when I will ever get that excited.)

If my wife comes at me with a machete because I am stressed as a result of your findings, I am holding you responsible.

Here’s some trivia: 43 percent believe that PE can be due to man’s hypersensitive genitalia.

(NGSB: I didn’t even know that my genitalia had feelings.)

So that we’re on the same page, PE is defined as the perceived lack of control over ejaculation. Given this, did you know that the respondents could not clearly differentiate between PE and Erectile Dysfunction (ED)?

(DOM: Ah, just pop several Viagras like you would Mentos and you’ll be just fine.)

That’s what 38 percent in the region believe: that Viagra can be used for PE — but it is not the correct treatment. Non-medications are commonly perceived as treatments for PE, which include changing to a “healthier” lifestyle, taking supplements (like folic acid) or traditional medicines and herbs. 

(DOM: So that Swedish pump I bought doesn’t work as well? Oh well, then, it’s back to bagnet and lambanog for me.)

There are four major differences between PE and ED. In PE, you can “stand at attention,” while with ED, you can’t maintain “standing attention.”  In PE, you cannot “control,” while with ED you can “control” but you can’t perform if not “standing at attention.” PE is not associated with a disease awhile ED could be associated with a disease. Lastly, PE cuts across all age groups while ED usually occurs as you get older.

I will prematurely end our conversation if you don’t explain to me why we are having a long-winded discussion about PE.

Did you know PE is the most common male sexual dysfunction? One in three men have PE.

Don’t look at me. I’ve got two frighteningly adorable kids and a wife who smiles from ear to ear.

(DOM: Don’t look at me. I’ve got a string of paternity cases filed against me.)

(NGSB: I’m sorry, nothing has been field tested as of yet.)

As per our study, PE negatively impacts the couple’s sexual satisfaction, from both the male and female perspective. In the Philippines, all men with PE (or probable PE) report that PE impacts their emotions and their ego, with most of them feeling disappointment, frustration and anxiety. Fifty-two percent of males even avoid intercourse or avoid initiating intercourse.

Hindi yan par for the course.

Seventy-five percent of men find it highly important that they satisfy their partners, either for the sake of their partners, their relationships or themselves. To underscore the importance among Pinoy males of satisfying their partner, the study “How We Raise Our Daughters and Sons: Child-Rearing and Gender Socialization in the Philippines” by UNICEF says that the traditional elements of a “complete” Pinoy male is that he is the provider of the family’s needs, protector of his family members and family name and, finally, pleaser of women.

You got that right! I like to please my wife every day. Every morning before I leave for work, I kiss my wife while she is still in bed and tell her, “Please give me my allowance.”

Unfortunately, 20-30 percent of men between the ages of 18-70 report concern about how rapidly they “lose control.”

(DOM: Are there any statistics for men who have hit triple digits?)

We want to dispel the perception that PE is a purely psychological condition that will resolve over time. On the contrary, it is a condition that remains under-diagnosed and undertreated. Although the exact etiology of PE is uncertain, evidence points to a neurobiological component. Medical treatment is available and could benefit men with PE.

How do they diagnose PE? Through visual inspection?

There is an online test you can take at www.controlPE.ph

(NGSB:  So you can demonstrate it online?)

The test is called a Premature Ejaculation Diagnostic Tool (PEDT), a psychometrically validated five-item questionnaire to help evaluate PE. A score of less than or equal to eight means you have no PE, a score equal to five or less means…

(NGSB: That you’re first honors?)

…That you definitely have PE.

(DOM: Is the test multiple choice, right/wrong or essay?)

(NGSB: And are there visual aids?)

(Looking at NGSB and DOM): I think both of you are exempted from taking the test.

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For comments or if you want to participate in the next study, please email ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.com . Follow @rjled on Twitter and @rjled610 on Instagram.