What's love got to do with it?

Are you a serial monogamist? Are you big time bigo sa pag-ibig? Are you a No Girlfriend Since Birth (NGSB)? Then it’s time that you were schooled in the ways of love.

Established in 2008, the Love Institute (yes, really) caters to individuals from all stages in the relationship process — from being single to being in a relationship to being engaged to being a parent and even to being an empty nester. But the Love Institute would like to remind all the NGSBs out there that this is not a matchmaking agency, so please stop sending your bio-data. And the Love Institute would like to remind all the Dirty Old Men (DOMs) that it doesn’t teach those things about love, so please stop sending them pictures of your vital statistics.

Philippine STAR waxed romantic with certified life coach Pia Acevedo of the Love Institute to find out what true love is all about, why true love requires testing and what does love actually have to do with the GMA administration.

RJ LEDESMA: Coach Pia, you are a professional love coach? Is that a playing or a conditioning coach?

PIA ACEVEDO: What a love and relationship coach does is to focus on how you can efficiently communicate your love for the people that you are in relationships with. In relationships, a lot of the time people often say, “I’ve been trying my best, but yet my best is not good enough.”

They often use a lot of theme songs as well.

That’s because there’s a gap between what you are communicating and the message being received by the other person.

Maybe the person is out of the coverage area?

The love coach equips its clients with…

(DOM representative: Accessories?)

…The ability to communicate efficiently with the people that they love. We also help our clients understand the different types of love. Because there may be someone that you love, but they may not be a good option for a lifelong partner.

Coach Pia, let me ask you a slam book question (or in current parlance, let me ask you about a Twitter trending topic): How exactly do you define love? And how much is it when converted into pesos?

Allow me to define love within the context of my relationship with our clients. First, I always examine if there’s enough self-love or self-esteem or self-worth for him or her to even branch out and be in a relationship to begin with. If there is not enough self-esteem or self-worth, we don’t recommend that they even get into a relationship with another person because it’s not going to work.

(NGSB representative: Thanks for the concern. So far, all our relationships we have gotten into are inflatable or digital or right-handed.)

When a person has enough self-worth and self-esteem to enter into a relationship, you make sure that the definition of love is to nurture your partner to be the best that he or she can be and not to get what you can out of the relationship. That is what love is. You are nurturing another person to be the best that he or she can be regardless of how you feel.

(DOM representative: Nurturing your partner? Is that the same type of “nurturing” my night nurse gives me when she handles my bedpan in the wee hours of the morning?)

You mentioned earlier that there were different types of love? What are these types? Erotic? Unconditional? Animal?

In the context of our services, the goal is helping our clients find that exclusive relationship…

(DOM representative: Hindi ba pwede multiple choice?)

 …That they can nurture and that they can feel nurtured by. So we distinguish between someone whom you should just be in a love relationship with within a season versus someone you should be in a relationship with for a lifetime.

So you should find a partner who is like Governor Vi? For all seasons?

(NGSB representative: Sigh, I’ve been in a dry season all of my life.)

(DOM representative: Try some lubricant.)

 We also cater to a lot of clients who also decide to be single.

(NGSB representative: I wish I could make that decision for myself.)

There are those who don’t want to be in committed relationships. Nonetheless, whoever you are in a relationship with, you must remember to stay respectful of the other person. You should not feel like you are compromising each other’s self-confidence and self-esteem. Because if there is no commitment, then there is a greater chance that the self-esteem of the people in the relationship to be compromised.

(DOM representative: I know exactly what you mean about commitment, Coach Pia.)

(To the DOM:) There is a difference between being in a committed relationship and being committed. Coach, what is the difference between what a love coach does and what a dating coach (similar to Will Smith’s character in Hitch) does?

Well, for those who are in the process of finding someone, we do have a class called “Flirting with finesse.”

(DOM representative: Do they teach pickup lines in that class that help you avoid getting drinks thrown in your face with finesse?)

We teach people how to flirt and how to find chemistry in another person.

Chemistry? Like concocting gayumas? I knew there had to be a catch.

Which leads you towards needing a love coach. Initially, the dating coach is the person you go to find different touch points and exposures.

(DOM representative: I like where this conversation is headed.)

The more people you meet, the better the chance that you will find someone that you can end up in a relationship with.

(DOM representative: I don’t have much time left to meet many people. Can’t it be pakyaw style? Where they wear easily visible numbers pasted by their waist?)

(To DOM:) One more crass remark from you and I’ll have them detach you from your oxygen tank.

A love coach is someone who helps you define whether the relationship is good for you or not. A love coach will also probably help you make the most of the relationship before you decide to give up on it. We’re transferring the skills of how to manage a relationship. We even have compatibility testing.

What does that type of testing involve? Blood tests? Exchange of bodily fluids? Electroshock therapy?

There’s a series of assessments where we get the family background, origins and traditions. Then we also get each of their perspectives on money, on how they celebrate special occasions, on in-laws, on raising children. All of these fit into whether you are compatible or if you might just end up arguing all the time because your perspectives on so many things are different.

So you can only pass or fail the compatibility test? Pwede bang magre-take?

If you’ve failed the test, then you need to ask yourself, “Can I live my life with this person if I know that these are areas that we can potentially come into conflict with?”

You can always live in a demilitarized zone.  

It’s either you accept the fact that you don’t agree with each other and continue on with the relationship, or you say, “These things that we disagree over are so important to me so much so that I cannot stay in this relationship.” Then it’s better to stay friends.

When it comes to certain areas of disagreement, I have learned from the fraternity of Under de Sayas the three-step rule towards harmony in a marriage: 1) Just swallow your pride, 2) retract your family jewels, and 3) say “You’re right, dear.”

Actually, it’s easy for most men in relationships to agree with their wives if they feel that they are being nurtured by their partner. Because, in our society, it is the wife who is lot more opinionated. Matriarchal talaga, very opinionated. The woman gets more affected than the husband does.

I cannot comment about that without my lawyer present.

A lot of the time, the key to a successful marriage is the husband letting the wife run the home. The wives are more sensitive when it comes to domestic concerns such as nurturing children, managing the kitchen, keeping the house in order. So the husband should allow the wife to nurture the way she wants to and not make the wife insecure about some preferences that she has.

I understand completely. I make sure that my household is run like the Arroyo administration.

You will really have a better home and a better relationship. But not all men are as wiling as you to give up control of the home to their wife because they think, “My mother raised me in a certain way.” These men insist that their homes be managed in the same manner that their mothers ran the household.

For men with those types of control issues, I can recommend a very sharp knife to make the hara-kiri as painless as possible. So, coach Pia, subservience is the answer?

You can only be subservient if you feel you are respected by the other person, ‘di ba?

Respect is overrated.

When you surrender to your spouse, you surrender willingly.

That type of surrender could be subject to human rights abuses.

You know that your wife will have your best interests in mind also and not disregard your feelings totally.

Just most of the time. Which men shouldn’t complain about if they have already surrendered.

That’s when a man allows a woman to call the shots because he knows she is nurturing and will take care of him.

That’s true. My wife takes care of me like a baby damulag.

It’s hard if the husband just keeps agreeing and agreeing, but deep inside he is resentful. This may lead him to find another partner who will respect him as a man. And that’s where you will have the infidelity.

Then your wife will end up using that hara-kiri knife for other purposes.

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For comments, suggestions or a hara-kiri knife, please e-mail ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit www.rjledesma.net. Follow rjled on Twitter.

For more information on the Love Institute, visit www.coachpianetwork.com or call 4624143.