Reclaiming your macho
You’re body is deficient in male hormones,” my doctor said while discussing the results of my recent blood test.
“I should certainly hope so,” I quipped.
He chuckled, driving at something else altogether. “You see, men and women have both male and female hormones in their bodies, except that the values are total opposites. And you need to have a certain amount of male hormones in your body to keep a healthy level of aggression, competitiveness and decisiveness.”
Aggression? Seriously? How come every time I watch my boyfriend, Roger Federer, play tennis on TV, I have to restrain myself from jumping into the TV set and handing him a club to replace his racket to bludgeon Nadal or Djokovic to death with? How come every time I watch UFC I’m raring to get into the octagon for one kick — just one, a turning 45 to the jaw, preferably — to finish off the match?
Well, all right, outside of televised sports matches I’m a wimp — I concede the point. I shun confrontations of any sort, even those supposedly harmless verbal tussles I call talky talks that women love. I don’t speak much — that’s why I’m a writer. I tend to overthink things so I always miss the perfect moment to address someone about something. All the aggression mostly stays in my brain except where it concerns my children. Only then do the fangs come out. Other than that, I’m Switzerland: nonpartisan and disinterested — very “chill.”
But competitiveness and decisiveness? Those I have a healthy dose of, maybe even an oversupply. I’m competitive in sports. I’m always looking to outdo the next person in any sport I take up and I think this has gotten more intense with age so, no, I’m not lacking in competitiveness.
Decisiveness is covered too, I believe. I’m both mother and father to my children and I do not have the luxury of being all-ditsy, willy-nilly and constantly vacillating about stuff. With children involved there are matters that need to have been decided yesterday so timeliness is always crucial.
Oh, and more importantly, I am sharply decisive about shoes. I Instinctively know which pair to get at any particular moment with not a second wasted — it’s genetically programmed and foolproof.
So, I am in fact decisive about matters of consequence, matters of life and death — anything involving children and shoes. Yes, don’t argue.
True, there is some trouble on the day-to-day front of what to do; where to go; which book to read; what to wear, where to eat, what to order and whether to have champagne or white wine with that. Again, it’s the overthinking of even the most inconsequential of things that’s to blame. Women! So, in this context I do get the doctor’s rationale. (On second thought, Doc, I will have those prescribed meds.)
Plus, I wouldn’t mind getting more definition in my biceps and abs along with a considerable boost in energy and strength — a shot of “macho.” I could so rock a Lara Croft persona, although the rare side effects of a lowering of the voice, acne and facial hair growth would freak me out. But the good doctor assured me that there would be none of those, especially since the problem is, in fact, the over-abundance of female hormones in my system.
I mentioned all this to a friend as I showed him the meds and he said, “Forget the meds. You’re fine: agreeable and submissive is good — very good. Those meds might turn you into a Nazi. Forget ‘em. “Over-abundance of female hormones”? That’s perfect. Why would that be a problem?”
Typical alpha male answer. It’s all about dominance. According to Science writer Jeff Wise, “That’s the reality of being a mammal. We’re social creatures; a place in the hierarchy is a matter of life and death. We need allies to protect us and help us bear and raise children. So our brains contain circuitry that automatically finds a place for us in the social structure. Some dominate, others submit.”
But how do our brains decide who will come out on top?
According to the website www.psychologytoday, the answer lies in phenomena that take place far below our conscious awareness. There are some people — men especially — who seem to have a natural knack for command. They enter a room and everyone seems to automatically pivot their attention toward them. Some might imagine that a typical alpha male is going to be brash, assertive, overbearing. But that is rarely the case.
According to Wise, “The men who can quietly command a room tend to be, not loud, but quiet: often, listeners, connectors, mild-mannered and physically unassuming.”
What is it about these men? What gives them their seemingly mystical aura?
Wise says that a slew of fascinating new studies suggest that this dominance process depends on the complex interaction of just a handful of crucial hormones. See? It’s all about hormones and one of the most important is testosterone: the hormone of aggression and dominance. Testosterone is important in moderating behavior, especially by boosting decisiveness. It also is the key ingredient for normal sexual health in men.
Wise gives the example of an athletic team. When a team is locked in a tough match with a longtime rival, the testosterone levels of all its members go up if they win. If they lose, their levels plummet. This gives rise to the so-called Winner Effect, where athletes who are victorious become more likely to win the next time.
As my doctor had said, men have estrogen hormones too, and elevated levels of estrogen can eclipse testosterone, competitiveness, decisiveness and sex drive. Wise says that the best defense against an estrogen invasion is to lose weight and build muscle. Fat converts testosterone to estrogen, according to Jack Mydlo, M.D., chairman of the department of urology at Temple University, and dropping pounds will improve testosterone-to-estrogen ration.
The level of testosterone alone, however, is not a good measure of a man’s dominance. Its effects are heavily influenced by the levels of another hormone, cortisol, which the body releases in response to stress.
Cortisol is the body’s alarm system hormones. They make the heart beat faster and dilate the bronchial tubes so they can feed oxygen to the brain and keep you alert. They also release fat and glucose into the bloodstream to provide emergency energy.
A study published in the journal Hormones and Behavior pitted men against one another in a simple competition, then allowed the losers to choose whether or not they wanted to have another crack at the contest. All of the men with high testosterone and low cortisol levels wanted to compete again. All of the men with high testosterone and high cortisol — indicating a state of stress — declined the opportunity. They were experiencing the flip side of the Winner Effect.
Too much stress can keep cortisol levels consistently elevated, which disrupts the metabolic system. This signals the cells to store as much fat as possible and, worse, the fat tends to accumulate in the belly as visceral fat, which resides behind the abdominal muscles. Make a habit of exercising for an hour, three days a week to fight against this.
There is a third brain chemical that comes into play. Oxytocin is another hormone involved in regulating social behavior. It is the so-called “love hormone.” When lovers cuddle or a mother breastfeeds, their levels of oxytocin shoot up. Oxytocin is all about bonding. Not only does oxytocin tie the members of a social group together, it plays an important role in moderating stress and fear.
A man’s status in the hierarchy, then, depends on a complicated dance of hormones that goes on at an unconscious level within his own bloodstream. And it all starts, not with aggression and dominance, but with empathy and bonding. A strong sense of connection to others in the group increases levels of oxytocin, which moderate stress and allows high levels of testosterone to promote competitive behavior.
So, if you’ve been feeling stressed lately, having bouts of indecision, shunning the competitive atmosphere at work or sapped of energy and keeping mostly to the sofa in front of the TV if not the bed, then maybe it’s time to see your doctor, get a blood test and check your hormone levels. Reawaken that inner lion, find your roar and reclaim your spot at the top of the pride.
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Thank you for your letters. You may reach me at cecilelilles@yahoo.com.
