Attraction by osmosis

MANILA, Philippines - One can never be too attractive. Unless one is Troy Dizon. Troy Dizon is the 7-Eleven of the dating world.  And he has now gone into franchising. An infamous (infamous in the Three Amigos sense of the word) Filipino-American dating and lifestyle coach, Troy has gone on a global mission of stockpiling the worldwide fraternity of No Girlfriends Since Birth (NGSBs) with the five attributes of male power (not including the kachichas) so that they no longer have to rely on the speed of their right (or left wrists) or inflatable playthings for the survival of the human race.

Unlike Julian Assange, Troy has been stealthy enough to escape the wrath of feminist suicide bombers by hiding in the safe houses of the followers of his 247attractiveman.com website. And it is from one of these bomb-proof safe houses that the man who is attractive even when he snores finally revealed to me the five attributes of male power that make mortal men evolve testicles that have their own center of gravity.

No Comparison

RJ LEDESMA: Thank you again for clearing away the minions who were wiping away at your brow and groveling at your feet. Troy, how do you compare yourself against those other “well-known” pick-up artists and dating coaches and criminal masterminds who offer to teach dating skills to NGSBs?

TROY DIZON: Nowhere. I think I created my own alternate universe.

Yes, I suspect you are from an alternative universe.

I don’t “follow” any other dating coaches or experts. When people purchase our products (from the website), what they need to realize is that I write all the material myself.

The devil is in the details, eh?

A lot of people read my material because it doesn’t sound contrived. When people read my stuff, they feel as if I am talking to them.

These people hear voices in their head? They may need counseling.

I don’t even have a draft, I write straight from the heart.

So that’s the body part where your inspiration comes from. 

And, sadly, a lot of these other “experts” are just out there to make a quick buck. That’s why they won’t last long in this industry.

You should slap those posers with a wad of thousand dollar bills.

Another thing is, people don’t want to put in the work (to become “attractive”). We are a company that is honest enough to tell you that you have to put in the work. A lot of people don’t want to hear that. When they buy a product, they just want the “magic pill” (that solves everything).

You mean to tell me that there is a pill to lower my cholesterol, to make me whiter and to make my recalcitrant extremities stand at attention, but there is no pill that can make men more attractive!? Where is the justice in that? 

When I was Singapore last year for a seminar, I had a client who was chubby and wasn’t too sharp, and was living with his parents. But when I came back there for another seminar, I found out that he was already living in with his Russian girlfriend who was a ballerina!

I didn’t realize that flab and bluntness were attractive in Russia. After having gone out with 273 women (give or take a hundred or so women), have you discovered any common denominator among the female species that can be shared with the general public?

They are people. Just like we are.

What a revelation!

There is just something great about making a woman happy. I can’t describe the feeling, but it’s great when you see a happy woman and the reason she’s happy is because of you.

That’s why my wife has a perennial grin plastered all over her face. Or is that a perennial grimace? Anyway, what is the ultimate objective in teaching men all these “attraction” skills? Is it to become popular? To become enlightened? To eventually become eunuchs (and not by choice)?

It is so that they can be whatever it is they want it to be. But the more important thing is that before you even try this stuff out—

You should wear crotch protection?

You should set your mind to what you want. If you want a girlfriend, then that’s what you want. If you want to become more socially mobile, then develop the skills for that purpose. If you want casual relationships because you’ve never had the experience, then that’s what you want.

(The Legions of NGSBs: That’s what we want! That’s what we wannnnnntttt!!!! Huhuhuhuhu…)

Better Living Through Chemistry

What is the biggest problem of Pinoy men when it comes to dating women, aside from their reproductive organs?

Pinoy men tend to put too much of the decision-making on the women.

That’s not true! Is it, Yaya?

When you ask the women “Where do you want to go?” that means you have no game plan when you go out on a date. The woman is not going to plan that, that’s not her job.

There is a job description?

Her job is to be swept away by the guy.

I see. A man’s janitorial skills must be way above par.

When a guy doesn’t have a game plan, the women get turned off by that.

So a man should always confer with Freddie Roach with you when you go out on a date. Do you still believe in courtship?

I don’t believe in that.

What do you believe in? Gayuma?

I believe in chemistry.

Chemistry involving gayuma?

We have a theory: you attract what you project. If you look at your dating background or whomever you’ve been with, you’ll see that it was just a mirror image of you at that time.

You mean — prior to meeting my wife — I’ve really just been dating versions of myself but with a pair of breasts?

There are guys who aren’t social, who aren’t fun, who have no decision-making skills, and who are pretty boring. Then they want to get a girl who has a personality, who has a life and who is interesting and fun.

(The Legion of NGSBs: What’s your point???)

That ain’t gonna happen. We tell our students, “You’ve got to step up your life, and then you will attract girls like that.”

(The Legion of NGSBs: Life is overrated. Farmville is much more interesting.)

 Our company teaches men about the five attributes of male power.

Does this involve sinew, saliva or anything else that starts with the letter “s”?

The first attribute is leadership. Leadership does not mean that your decisions always have to be right. When it comes to dating the girl, leadership means taking her where you want to go. Sometimes you may make the wrong decision. But that doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you’ve made a decision.

Has the President taken a crash course on your seminars?

That’s what women are looking for — for the man to make a damn decision. That, in itself, makes you very attractive to women. Because 85 to 90 percent of men suck at leadership.

On second thought, maybe the President has not taken a crash course on your seminars.

The second male attribute is unshakeability.

It’s an attribute so powerful that it doesn’t need to be spell-checked.

Women test if you are congruent with what you say to them.

Women give you some sort of geometry test?

That’s why I always tell guys: back up what you have to say.

So attractive men need a USB?

Women will throw curve balls to test you if you are who you say you are. All you have to be is unshakeable.

You have to learn to lie with unshakeability, I see. Well, if it worked for the past administration, it should work for 247attractiveman.

Don’t be reactive. Women will always try to kick you off your pedestal when you are on a date. Be defensive.

Wear body armor, got it.

The third and fourth attributes of male power go together: being fun and being comfortable in your own skin. 

What exactly do you mean when you say these attributes should go together? You should become a standup comedian and get nipple piercings?

My tip is that you can be fun and outrageous with a woman, but not to the point that you go overboard and turn off the girl. (Troy then proceeded to share an incident that involved a visit to the club, a vibrating cell phone, a maltreated derriere and a spontaneous release of bodily fluids. I chose not to document this incident further lest he be detained by the Bureau of Immigration and Deportation.)

So the moral of the lesson is: you should be fun enough to be attractive but not fun enough to be arrested. Or at least to evade arrest.

When you are in a social environment—

Like a public restroom?

Men shouldn’t be all like, “Hey, let’s do something now!” When men can show that they can be relaxed and comfortable in any environment, women find that attractive.

I am sure that men can relax, have fun and let others be comfortable in their skin once they are in prison.

The last attribute is consistency. We tell our clients that they need to have discipline, because you can’t be a one-hit wonder.

(The Legion of NGSBs: That’s all the hit that we neeeeed!)

You can’t be a one-hit attractive man, you need to be a 24-hour attractive man.

No rest for the attractive.

Remember, women will test you today and then the next day and the day after that, to see if you are still the same person that you claim to be. That’s what women do all the time.

And what areas do the women usually test you so that the men can bring kodigos (a cheat sheet)?

Definitely with what you say. That is why I avoid dinner dates at all costs.

Well, you can just stuff your mouth with bread rolls and then talk while your mouth is full so she doesn’t understand what you say.

I just like to convey and show the woman that this is my life. If I had a favorite date, it would be whatever my lifestyle would be. If I like climbing mountains, it would be climbing mountains, if I liked go karting, it would be go karting.

(The Legion of NGSBs: There are some things about our lifestyle that are best kept to ourselves.)

But I never do that dinner thing where I mention my résumé in front of the girl.

Really? That’s the first thing my wife asked me for when we went out on our first date. That and my credit history.

You can exaggerate your résumé because you want to please the girl. But when push comes to shove, most guys can’t back up what they tell the girl.

Maybe I shouldn’t have added the part in my résumé about having super powers. My wife still insists that I jump off a building to prove that I can fly.

You aren’t supposed to oversell yourself.

Too late. My wife already bought me for a discount.

You’re better off being humble and real. Never try to impress them.

Just give them money?

I have gotten the most class A girls by talking about Mountain Dew and fishballs.

Impressive. Aside from A, what other letters of the alphabet did these girls know?

Classy, confident women get approached by hundreds of guys who come in with their credit cards. Don’t be like that at all.

Especially if you only have a credit limit of P5,000. How can mortal men who are only attractive for three and a half minutes at a stretch slowly build up their attraction levels to at least an hour?

First, you have to have a lifestyle. If you are the type of guy who sits at home doing nothing, then you better get out and make some friends.

Start with your immediate circle. Attract women within that immediate circle, then expand out from there. If you can’t attract women from within your circle, then what makes you think you can attract a stranger?

I was pretty attractive to my yaya and my mom’s labandera before I got married. Even had to stop both them from getting into catfights. How exactly do you create a lifestyle?

You should find social groups who are interested in the same thing that you do so you can build confidence and get that appreciation that you can’t get anywhere else.

For example, you can go to a yo-yo convention and you show off to a yo-yo fan girl your up-the-#$$ yo-yo moves

That is quite a yo-yo move. I am sure she will impressed and repulsed by you at the same time.

The girl will think, “Oh my God, that’s so cool!” Then you get used to that positive reaction. That’s a good start for you. 

Then how do you move up to attract higher-status women? Do you start by juggling 10-pins? Swallowing swords? You might be able to attract bearded ladies…

You need to experiment. Go into a social group or a hobby that you’ve never tried before. Get out of your comfort zone where you will find find new opportunities and new women! Eventually, you will have to evolve.

Sigh, those NGSBs are going to miss walking on all fours.

* * *

Visit www.247attractive-man.com. Prepare for power fluctuations.

Be naughty this Christmas! Pick up a copy of my latest book Is It Hot In Here or Is It Me?: RJ Ledesma’s Imaginary guide to Flirting, Body Language and Pick-Up Artists at National Bookstore and Powerbooks nationwide. For comments, suggestions or stocking stuffers, please visit www.rjledesma.net or email me at ledesma.rj@gmail.com.