Lovebound

Tony Perez knows how to make love. Several hundred ways. He is a journalist, an award-winning creative writer, a playwright, a lyricist, a painter, a fiber artist and an illustrator. And he is also a practicing magician.   

But this is not the same kind of magic as David Blaine. Or Barack Obama. Or even Jocjoc Bolante. Tony Perez is the real wand-twirling deal. He can turn your cell phone into a wand, he can turn your Batman action figure into a power toy, and he can even turn your bodily fluids into a charm. (Um, let him tell you more about it later.) Tony knows magic best, because he’s been playing with his wand since he was 13 years old.

As the current adviser of the Spirit Questors, Tony Perez and his Scooby Gang have heard things, seen things and done things that are enough to shock your pubic hair straight. And because my hair is curly enough as it is, I chose to interview him about his love spells instead (because if he told me that kapres, manananggals and tikbalangs were for real, I would never be able to sleep with the lights off again). 

Tony is the SM of love spells — from hook-up to courtship to relationship to break-up — he’s got it all for you. But more importantly, Tony also answers the P728 million question: How do you know if you are really in love, or if you’ve been the victim of kulam? The only way to find out, my three female readers, is in the way you smell. Confused? Then read at your own risk.

A Vocabulary Lesson

PHILIPPINE STAR: Sir Tony, when you hear the word kulam, there is usually a negative association attached to it. My yaya warned me never to try making kulam because something might fly away or fall off.

It’s because of the word kulam. There is no such word (close to it) in Tagalog except magica, which is, of course, Spanish. Kulam has become associated with voodoo, which is not the way that I use it.  

So is kulam a negative thing, a positive thing, a neutral thing, a monochromatic thing? 

Is prayer positive or negative? It can be both, right? One can pray for vengeance, in which case the prayer becomes negative.

When someone sends out a negative kulam, does this mean the person is tiptoeing towards the dark side of the force? And when you do send out a negative kulam, does the cosmos say “Ay naku, I have to set the balance straight. Something negative will also happen to you.”

They say that the negative kulam comes back to you three-fold. But for me, that is a generalization. I think that everybody has a credit card for negativity. And every credit card has a ceiling where you can spend what you wish until you hit the ceiling.

Let’s not even get started on credit cards. I’m using one card to pay off another.

If I have to cast a negative spell, I make sure that I pay good karma first. And it can be done through charitable works or compassionate acts.

I’m curious, what are these negative kulams that you could send out?

Like when somebody has done me an injustice. Or when a murder victim needs its murderer captured and we have to give clues to the NBI or to the police. Or when we encounter very negative tricksters like the tikbalang who no longer negotiate for co-existence of harmony. We have no choice but to either bind it or entrap it in a piece of jewelry.

I don’t think I’m ever going to a sanglaan (pawnshop) again.

Spelling Machine

By employing your love spells, does that mean you can make anybody fall in love with you? Man or woman? Attached or unattached? Housebroken or not housebroken? 

Yes, of course. My definition of magic is to effect a change in the environment by means of the will. Therefore, the act of making someone fall in love with you is an act of magic in itself. 

If that is the case, can you make lamon (gorge) at the buffet of love? Can you cast several spells over several women at the same time?

The answer is yes, but I would describe you as a very irresponsible and immoral person. It’s not my fault that you used my spell. It’s your fault.

Um, Sir, can you excuse me for a moment? I have to warn Gary Lising. Now how do you know when love spells should be employed to ensnare a woman’s heart? When she no longer replies to your texts? When bribing her yaya no longer works? When she has impaled you on a stake and left you for dead?

It’s intuitive. If someone has a crush on a person and cannot catch that person’s attention through ordinary means, then magic can be involved. But having said that, the person who casts the spell must continue with that burden of responsibility. You don’t cast a spell and leave it at that. You must work hard to keep the relationship going.

Sigh. That’s what I tell my wife all the time.

Love In The Time Of Nausea

Most of the love spells you’ve concocted involve the color red. Is that because true love is a fashionista?  

That’s because the heart chakra (Sanskrit for “disc,” chakras are energy centers for the human body — RJ) which is the color green on the outside, but when it is unfolded it is pink inside. The color pink is associated with love, affection and nurturing. That is why most of the colors used are of that nature. 

I always use my pink parts to express affection. A lot of your love spells require dolls and stuffed toys and action figures. When I gathered all the toys, I didn’t know whether to cast a spell or to abuse Barney the Dinosaur.  

You can even make a doll out of clay. You gouge a hole in the stomach or heart area of your clay doll, and then put inside something of yourself — such as saliva or semen or blood.

A lot of No Girlfriends Since Birth (NGSBs) are now going to enjoy making clay statues.  

Then cover up the hole again. That doll is what you call an elementary. An elementary can be used like a servant that can travel astrally to perform duties. For example, you can tell an elementary, “Please go to your friend whom you are supposed to meet and tell him you’re going to be late for one hour.”   

My friends will never come on time. Ever again. So when you send out a love spell, is it similar to sending out a text message? Let’s say you send out a love spell but the recipient is in an area with a bad signal. What happens to that spell? Does it end up in some occult backlog or does it get rerouted to a diwatang kalachuchi (frangifani flower fairy) who would like to turn you into a fairy in more ways than one?

It depends on the state of the person that you are sending the spell to. The person must be in a state of alpha, as you are in a state of alpha while casting a spell. That is why it is more effective to cast a spell at night when the person is at rest and when the person’s defense mechanisms are down.

No wonder many dirty old men (DOMs) do their best work at night.    

You must go into a meditative state. But the state of relaxation is not really equivalent to the state of alpha. It’s an altered state where you often have to get into a highly emotional state. It is the emotion that fuels both prayer and magic.

I have a lot of single male friends who get into a highly emotional state late at night when they are all by their lonesome. But I don’t think it would qualify as meditation.  

Punch Drunk Love

How exactly does a kulam affect the target of the love spell? Does it make them irrational? Does it erase their will to live? Does it make them want to defend the administration?

No. It makes you, the spellcaster, become a more loving person. (When you conduct a spell) this is the image of yourself that you communicate to the person and that is what the person will pick up. There is no such thing as consoling or manipulating someone else.

But how do you know if you are really in love with that person or you were the subject of a kulam? I noticed kasi that yaya has a doll in her room that strangely resembles me. 

Well, you can’t. Because a kulam simply jumpstarts something. What counts, in the final analysis, is how sincere the relationship has become: how it is developing, what direction it is taking and what is the quality of the relationship. In which case, the magical spell no longer really counts.

Ah, I see. So you have to eventually graduate from kulam. And then learn how to use gayuma. 

Love Is A Battlefield

What if, after you cast a love spell, you realize that the woman you have been pining for has an Adam’s apple? Can you make bawi (take back) the love spell?

Of course you can, all you have to do is let the spell go. Remember that spells are performed over a period of time, so all you have to do is discontinue casting the spell. Then nothing will happen.

Thank God there are no disconnection charges. Can you also cast a spell on that witch-tramp who squashed your heart in high school and left you for your best friend? Sometimes kasi praying for vengeance just isn’t enough.  

There are negative spells which are called binding spells. You can write the person’s name, put it in a bag of a certain color, then put it in a corner of your freezer. 

May she grow hair where it doesn’t belong. Is there a way naman to protect yourself from being the target of a love spell? There are some matronas I met during my wayward bachelorhood whose intentions I am still wary of. Can you hide under a blanket? Can you wear an agimat (magic charm)? Can you travel to the US, have your visa revoked, and languish in a federal prison for several years?

Yes, there are what you call warding acts. You can cast warding acts on objects or yourself. One warding act is to wear a pocket mirror in your shirt pocket, and make sure that the mirror is facing outwards. You can also visualize yourself covered by a white light. Those acts negate any spell, positive or negative, that comes to you. But if you do these acts, you ward off anything. You will find that you will have no friends, that people will ignore you, that people will stay away from you, and that sometimes prosperity won’t come to you. Because you’ve warded yourself against everything. 

So that’s what it must feel like to be the president. Are these warding acts the equivalent of turning off your psychic cell phone?

What I’m saying is that it’s good to remain vulnerable, no matter how hurt you become. One must be vulnerable all the time, even if you are rejected, laughed at, or frustrated. It’s all right to get hurt. If you’ve been hurt a hundred times before, what is a hundred times more?

Stop; please, stop. I’m having flashbacks of high school.  

You know, it’s much more exciting and fulfilling to remain vulnerable, and to remain willing to take risks. I think that is what life is all about. It’s not about protecting one’s self, it’s about taking risks

I agree. It’s always good to remain vulnerable. That’s why I always leave my pink parts exposed. Which brings me to the most important question in this interview: If you don’t know whether or not you are with your partner right now because of a love spell, is there way for you to tell? And, consequently, is there a way for you to get out of it?

 Yes, it’s called tawas (alum).

I see. Antiperspirant is really the ultimate protection. Your armpits never lie. 

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You can get in touch with Tony Perez at studioantenor@yahoo.com. For comments, suggestions, or gayumas, please text PM POGI <text message> to 2948 for Globe, Smart and Sun subscribers. Or e-mail ledesma.rj@gmail.com or visit my blog www.rjledesma.net.