Raise a glass for the malt of the earth

I love beer… I hate beer… I love beer… — Mr. Anonymous after waking up with a hangover from an all-nighter

Believe me, I resisted. Didn’t want to turn this article into a love letter written on the label of a San Miguel beer bottle (preferably with a silver felt-tip pen, or with a razorblade). Something with words and phrases like “forever” or “undying devotion” peppered about sloppily, deliriously. The way one corresponds with a lover separated by topographies and oceans. We (well, most of us) have this obsession with beer. We love it. We long for it. It completes us. If Edgar Allan Poe had his Nepenthe, and the Symbolists had the green fairy of absinthe, we (again, most of us) have this golden-amber brew in an auburn bottle — a summation of barley, hops, yeast and few more ingredients. Broke? Heartbroken? In the direst of straits? No, beer is not the antidote to all your ills, but it could help you de-stress and defrag your heavy heart — when consumed with true friends and (what the moral majority would like me to emphasize) “taken in moderation.” Believe me, nothing that a few bottles of SMB and a spin of the Rolling Stones’ Shine a Light can’t cure.

May the good Lord shine a light on this brew...

These thoughts tumble from my head while here at Chateau 1771 in Greenbelt 5. All the other guests have left. The last men standing are The STAR’s Scott Garceau, Jojo Gamboa, me and friends from San Miguel Beer Corp, Jayson Brizuela and Donabelle Magcalen. (Wild horses cannot drag us away when there is still beer left to quaff.) SMB hosted its first beer-and-food-pairing event wherein executive chef Vicky Rose Pacheco presented a special menu that complements the flavors of three San Miguel Lifestyle Brews — San Miguel Premium All-Malt Beer, Super Dry and Cerveza Negra. In creating the dishes, she stressed that the thrust was to “complement the characteristics of the three brands that are the result of 120 years of SMB brewing excellence.”

How do you differentiate the three Lifestyle Brews? The Premium has a smoothness to it, Super Dry is elegant, while Cerveza Negra is dark and mysterious.

Think of it this way: Red wine and white wine enhance the flavors of red and white meats. In pairing beer with food, one can go for either contrasting or similar taste. For the San Miguel Premium All-Malt Beer, we enjoyed platefuls of gratinated scallops; baked sand-bass with thyme, lemon and almonds; and kiwi and cucumber sorbet. For Super Dry, we feasted on boneless crispy porkhock with red onions and cabbage; as well as osso bucco with mashed potatoes. And for Cerveza Negra, we had double ganache tart, filo mille feuille and blueberry trifle. But the piece de resistance is when SMB brewmaster Alan Sienes — who at the start of dinner told us that by the end of the evening we would “establish better friendship with beer” — sits down with us and shares his Jedi-like wisdom in answering everything we’ve always wanted to know about beer but were to drunk to ask.

“Beer is simple, yet also complex,” says the Obi-Wan-Kanobi of brews, while we Padawans look quizzical. “It is (a combination of) art and science.”

Someone asks if it’s it true that a brewmaster can distinguish where the particular beer is made because of the water? Sort of like an “I-can-name-that-tune-in-one-note” thing.

“It’s an urban legend,” Sienes dismisses with a laugh. “At SMB we make sure the water is consistent throughout. So, for example, a brewmaster in Mandaue can’t say, ‘My beer is better than your beer.’” Makes me think of a badly dubbed Chinese flick with flying kung-fu masters with snow-white beards mocking each other with “I heard you’re fast, but my kung-fu is better than your kung-fu!”

As for brewmaster Alan’s favorite beer, it’s a toss-up between Super Dry and Cerveza Negra. “If you want your beer to be roasted, caramel-flavored, Cerveza Negra is the beer for you. If you prefer the aroma(tic) hops, then it’s Super Dry. But if you want to get the flavor of malt, (go with) Premium.”

We talk about delicious Belgian beers (Stella! Stella!). How German beer is served in monolithic mugs with giant pig knuckles, microbreweries in Boston that serve good beer. How an imported beer brand masks its inadequacies by encouraging drinkers to put lime in it (since the ordinary hops in the mix that can be easily affected by light — a photo-chemical reaction happens, making it taste “skunky” and “canal-like”). How in ancient Europe there once were beer lanes (where creative people — artists, poets, musicians and such — drank), and gin lanes (where the rogues congregated). The difference among categories such as lagers or pilsens, stouts or porters, and ales (depends on what type of yeast is used).

And the relative merits of delicious darkies such as Guinness and Cerveza Negra.

“In 1998, we invited a German brewmaster named professor Ludwig Narziss, considered to be the Pope of Brewing,” Sienes recalls. Brewmasters from all over Asia also attended — from Kirin, Asahi, etc. — because they wanted to see the maestro of malt, the Yoda of yeast, brew brother number one. “The professor was asked what is his favorite beer. He answered, ‘In Europe, Guinness Stout is my favorite, but I tried your Cerveza Negra,’ and I like it better than Stout.’”

SIPPING BREWS AND BUSTING MYTHS

Sienes discusses the urban legends associated with beer and beer-drinking, some of them are too wonky, too weird to be published here. Well, take five guys drinking a case of, say, Pale Pilsen in alleyways. No women around. In lieu of women, these guys will probably see two turtles racing on a bottle of Pale, or hatch tall stories (how Tikbalangs, Kapres and elementals once challenged each other in a drinking game, with the impakto winning by two shots). Usapang lasheng, so to speak. Like how Cerveza Negra allegedly facilitates the menstrual flow. How a bottle of beer in the morning can cure a huge hangover.

“No scientific bases for those,” the brewmaster explains. 

What about that lumpy, flabby concern called beer belly?

“The (growing) belly is caused by the pulutan. It’s (always been) a confounder. Beer is liquid.” There is such a thing as a glycemic index (G.I.), the X-amount of sugar absorbed by the body. The reference number is 100, which you get from consuming a loaf of white bread. “Beer has a G.I. index of 60.” 

What about the “Happy Horse,” the rarely spotted bottle of Red Horse that is supposed to be stronger, kicks harder and all that jazz. The holy grail of sari-sari stores. So very Tolkien.

“It’s just an old Red Horse bottle mixed with the newer ones,” says Sienes with a laugh.

We ask Sienes if he could make beer from scratch, if he were in prison and if he were McGyver. “As long as there is yeast, malt and a thermometer; but if you want the same flavor you really need equipment.”

Do brewmasters still get drunk?

“No, we have to control our alcohol intake.”

Do they get angry when a person puts ice in the beer?

“Yes, since it will affect the quality (of the beer),” says Sienes. In the brewery, if the alcohol content is not up to par (a certain level has to be reached), the brewers have to reprocess the beer all over again, get a higher gravity beer and mix it in order to meet company standards. All that math and chemistry, and here comes this bloke turning his SMB into ice tea.

When Sienes sees this does he tear off his clothes in anger?

“(Laughs) No! The customer is still king.”

Sienes said it’s actually healthy to drink a bottle or two of beer.

“There is vitamin B in beer — although in small amounts. Drink three bottles of beer and you have 17 percent of your vitamin B (requirements). We all know about the benefits of drinking wine. Did you know that beer has more anti-oxidants than white wine. Red wine has more anti-oxidants than beer, but the size of the compounds is bigger so it takes time for them to be absorbed by the body. The compounds in beer are smaller.” 

Is it sacrilege to mix gin and beer, and come up with “beer-gin”?

“Depends on the drinker.”

What’s the best cure for a hangover?

 “We studied the beers that we have, but solution really is to drink in moderation,” the brewmaster tells us Grasshoppers. “Do not drink with an empty stomach. Before you go to sleep, drink a glass of water, so you won’t be dehydrated. And avoid eating (instant) noodles before sleeping because it will add to the dehydration.”

If all else fails, take two aspirins and call the pope in the morning.

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For comments, suggestions, curses and invocations, e-mail iganja_ys@yahoo.com.