Trends in Manila have a bad habit of overstaying like a pesky houseguest, until they recycle themselves and go back in style.
It is my humble opinion that there are trends so bad they have to end, but there are a few who can get away with murder.
Ive asked a number of people in my address book to contribute to the list of fashion felonies, so dont blame me if youre guilty as charged.
Take note, all these dont apply if:
a) you are Kate Moss, b) you are Bjork, c) you are Chloe Sevigny.
(Please bear in mind that these are not all my opinions; Im just writing them here )
Braces on adults. Guilty as charged: numerous actors on TV look really awful. I know its kind of mean (one assumes there was no budget at the time), but you shouldve worn those when you were a kid. Grade Four is a good age to start; high school, the latest.
F4 gone wrong. Guilty as charged: Hero Angeles and that Chinese dude on Chow Time. Seriously, F4 looks good because Benny cuts their hair. If there is anyone in Manila who cuts like Benny, please let me know. I love those Asian layered cuts.
The "Im Rich" (a.k.a. Perenially Dressed for Black Tie). Guilty as charged: some members of showbiz wearing gowns and dripping jewelry in the middle of the day. Exception: Holly Golightly
The Awards Night Look. Corset tops (especially in shantung silk with bad boning) during Famas, Urian, debut, binyagan, prom, etc. And "strapless corseted dresses for fear of getting the dreaded four-boob effect," says one editor. "You know how all the fat is squished above the corset so it looks like you have two extra boobs? When it isnt well-made or is ill-fitting, trust me, even the thinnest women get them."
"Corsets and its permutations have been around for ages, but no matter how much we hate it, it makes us a lot of money!" said one designer.
The Porn-Star Look at awards shows. The most bizarre cut of clingy gowns with boobs all over the place. The look is bastos and lacking of attention. In this case, less is not more.
The Mr. Clean Look. Bald head, earring, and sleeveless white outfits, or hip-hop duds for skinny Pinoys.
Guilty as charged: Jay-R
The Pinoy Showbiz Guy Look. Its all about the earrings. I dont understand why Pinoy showbiz men have to have one or more earrings. Sometimes I find them really cute and then the earrings just ruin everything. Its so unnecessary. If they really like the earring, they should at least remove them for certain roles. Between loops and studs, though, a friend and I agreed that studs are more acceptable.
Exception to the rule: Justin Timberlake
The Spastic Look. Guilty as charged: Ryan Agoncillo. Someone get him a stylist! (Sorry, Judy Ann )
Baller bracelets and Livestrong bands. A sure sign that youre mainstream, which totally bugs me. Heres a hint: when the jologs catch on, its probably a good time to quit.
The Mercury Drug Look (a.k.a. the Shampoo Commercial look). Salesladies at a certain Mercury Drug cant help but aspire to the long, silky-smooth hair portrayed in every local shampoo ad. They also cant help that some of them have a really native face. I blame the ad agencies who cant think of selling shampoo using a different hairstyle!
PNP Syndrome (a.k.a. Pangit na Paa Syndrome). I really envy people with pretty feet! I would wear Havaianas all the time if I thought no one was looking. Because of my own insecurity I cant help but look at toesin magazines, malls, while waiting at the bank I once sat next to a pretty actress and her unsightly mom on a flight to Tokyo. When the mom put her feet up on the bulkhead, I couldnt help but stare at her feet: her toenails were so long, her feet looked like hands! Thank God it was a four-hour flight.
The Greenbelt Look. I have no idea what this is since I dont go to Greenbelt. But a friend says its "when youre trying hard to look like a socialite but end up looking like a young matrona." Think kili-kili bag and miniskirt, or low-slung jeans paired with caftan-esque blouses and pointed shoes.
Plastic bra straps. Whats the point when there are strapless bras hello?
Bad nude pantyhose. So bad, your legs look jaundiced. Seen on department-store salesladies and Sex Bomb dancers.
Headband and ponytail together. Guilty as charged: me on a bad-hair day. Also seen on classmates you never spoke to.
Shan Çai Look. When grownups wear T-shirts with characters. Not cute. Seen on Meteor Gardens Barbie Hsu character.
Platform flip-flops. Its just so wrong
Friendster tees. As jologs as Friendster itself.
Fake duds from tiangges. I resent fake duds from tiangges because it makes my stuff look fake, especially when Im in the tiangge.
Over-the-top, over-accessorizing. This is where the wearer believes that more is more, where accessories and layers of everything are piled upon each other in one go.
Exception to the rule: Anna Piaggi
Joan Jett hair. Seen on some notorious rumor-mongering fashionistas.
Exception to the rule: Joan Jett
The Polo Club Look. Usually a while polo shirt with the collar up. This bugs me to death because the wearer looks mayabang.
It also reminds me of Tivoli Bubbles.
"Shining through." This is not a pitch for Philippine Airlines, but a reference to black tops with a white satin bra underneath, or the reverse: a white top with black bra underneath.
Exception: Mary-Kate Olsen because shes chica.
Toe rings. Kainis. I dont get them, but a friend insists theyre okay if you have nice feet.
French tips on toes. I dont get them either, but a friend says theyre okay if you have nice feet.
Navel jewelry. Not even Janet Jackson can convince me theyre cool. Putting a stone in ones navel reminds me of a naughty uncle who told me the navel is a convenient container of salt while youre lying down eating balut. It brings back icky mental pictures.
Chunky Harajuku platforms. Guilty as charged: me! As one Chicago song goes: "Youre a hard habit to break " After many years of trying to look taller for tall men, I realized, what the hell, Im married to one! Ive decided to accept my height and shift to Converse, which I wore 20 years ago.
Sandals with socks. Which is the lesser evil: sandals with socks or sandals with no socks and ugly feet?
Baby tees for men (or muscle shirts). A friend says: "Its so Malate club queen 1992. So unsexy, unless youre really lean and good-looking."
Exception to the rule: Corey Willis
The Wack Wack Golf Club Look. I used to see this during Mass: a rich mans version of the Rico J. lookgolf shirt, Bermuda shorts, leather shoes, and just a tan line for socks.
The Elmer Fudd Look. Adults wearing shirts with embroidered characters fanning out from the pocket. I-garage sale na yan!