Fifty, female & fabulous

On our silver wedding anniversary, my husband took me on a romantic tour of the castles in Spain, the lavender and sunflower fields in Southern France and the beautiful, idyllic farm in Pontedera for newly pressed olive oil and fine wine grown by friends in the Tuscany region in Italy. This was our tour de grande passion.

Returning home, friends welcomed us with a rowdy shove and a naughty wink. Rubbing my tummy, I wistfully exclaimed, "I think I’m pregnant." Everyone rolled with laughter bellyaching so hard that they went home with a stitch.

The truth is our baby-making days are over. Starkly, more on my part than my husband’s. My doctor drove home this certainty by prescribing a Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) regimen that kept me comfortable and symptom-free for several years.

At my recent checkup, however, I was advised to discontinue HRT because I’ve gone past the safe period of taking it. In short, I was going "cold turkey". After giving me a list of natural estrogen that I can take and discussing the changes that would occur, my doctor’s parting words were, "Enjoy your transition."

Was that a compliment or words of warning?

While shopping at a flea market, I was hit by a warm clammy feeling that sent rivulets of sweat trickling down my face and neck. Instinctively I turned to my friend and asked, "Is it warm in here?" She nodded.

Passing another stall, it hit me again. I felt like a block of ice thawing at record speed. I pulled my friend and asked, "Do you feel hot?" For the second time, she nodded. Suspecting that something has definitely gone amiss, I asked my friend, "How old are you?" She replied, "Same age as you." That said a lot.

Our body thermostats had been kicked, and like what author Gayle Sand wrote in her book Is it Hot in Here Or is it Me?, "these waves (or sensations) of heat and chills are the result of vaso-motor instability and they occur when the brain’s temperature-regulating center goes haywire, causing blood vessels that are near the skin to dilate which triggers a rush of heat and perspiration."

I have entered the "big M" phase; M for menopause, from the Greek words meno meaning month and pausis meaning ending or a pause in the life cycle.

When a woman reaches the ages between late 40s and early 50s, her body stops producing the female hormone, estrogen. Rapid changes occur that can and may include, but not be confined to, the following: Hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, urge incontinence, waistline bloat, heart palpitations, bone loss, vaginal dryness, migraines, itchy, crawly and thinning skin and memory lapses. She can also hit the pits with her "rainy days and Mondays" blues and become lazy or slothful about exercise. Temper outbursts are common if she’s not already exhibiting the three C’s: cranky, cranky, cranky. Every family member looks at her as "Ursulla", the sea witch if not the menacing clone of Joan Crawford of Mommy Dearest fame.

As if these chemical changes were not enough, family dynamics drive home the point that my generation – the first wave, post World War II baby boomers, now reaching the inevitable "aging of youth" period – are taking care of geriatric parents or in-laws with the female sector going back to their "daughter track" just as they were emerging from their "mommy track".

How time has flown indeed.

When we were in our 30s/40s, we exhibited an aggressive do-or-die attitude. Twenty-four hours are not enough to rush through the day to start a business, get a job, do well on either, make a name (and hopefully, money), pile up accolades and recognition, acquire things, marry and/or raise a family. Everything has a time frame and must be seized immediately or be lost forever.

At 50, having reached the midway mark, we have practically come full circle. Our children have brought home diplomas and are now career-focused earning their own keep, working away from home, or starting a young family of their own. By this time, the mortgage on the house has been fully paid if not close to being settled resulting in fewer bills to pay and more savings, at last, to our names. To those who have chosen to remain single, we would by now be comfortable in our own skins living independently and settling into a way of life that’s both adequate and secure.

While "empty nest" is a common occurrence in many households, it can also be welcomed with relish and relief. We have more free time, we can redirect our creativity and focus on things we’ve been wanting to do but didn’t due to time and money constraints. This is finally, total liberation that’s emotional, physical, and financial.

The changes do not happen overnight but as if in sync with the hormonal changes, we step into the second half of our life with each day bringing forth a new revelation that was not there before. Gayle Sand wrote, "you have the whole spectrum of your intellectual capacity to draw on. You’ve reached the stage of mastery."

Reflecting on these changes, I find that:

I am no longer a party animal because I’ve discarded the need to seek approval or recognition from a great number of people who, in reality, did not play any significant role in my life.

I am no longer impressed at the life of the rich and the famous knowing that they too are battling with their own demons.

I find pleasure in intimate gatherings where I can be myself with no airs, pretenses, gimmick or imagery. This is a precious gift one derives from having true friends.

There is a sincere longing to grow spiritually knowing it adds depth, meaning and dimension to my life without necessarily becoming a nun, a missionary or a "Jill-come-lately" convert.

If I don’t know the answers to questions, I don’t hide it because I know that there will be someone who can teach me or learn from. I appreciate the pure pleasure derived from knowing.

I share the most natural of joys that bring me back to my days of innocence: grandchildren, music, gardening, walking, traveling, hobby-crafting and finding a quiet corner to meditate and purge my mind.

I can laugh at the silliness of people including myself.

When I typed "turning 50" in the Internet, I found hundreds of hits on the same topic. The consensus was to pay closer attention to things that matter most. Look at some of the things we can and should be doing at 50:

1.Use your good china. Do not deny yourself the pleasure of using fine china, linen, silver, and other great things in life. If you’ve got the goof stuff swaddled in bubble wrap, locked away for safekeeping or displayed in fine glass cabinetry, pull it all out right now;

2.Visit the maternity ward of your hospital and just drop in and stand at the window. There’s a wonderful charge from being in the presence of newborns, especially when we’re feeling the tug of our own mortality. If you are a parent, it can put you in touch with all the reasons you brought your own kids into this world in the first place.

3. Cut your hair. Go bobbed, go gelled, go asymmetrical, go crazy, go short. You will look 10 years younger.

4. Treat a stranger to dinner. Look for someone who is alone, perhaps sad or troubled or less fortunate than yourself and surreptitiously pay their waiter for their meal, anonymously. It might make a difference in their life and it will certainly make a difference for the better, in yours.

5. Upgrade your vices. Read great books. See great movies. Drink better wines. Catch a live concert, philharmonic this time, now and then, and spring for good seats. Spend more time with people who make you laugh. You’ve scrimped all your life, now go only for the best.

6. Visit the folks. No one can give you a clearer forecast of what’s in store for the second half of your life than your parents. Connect with them, use the opportunity to open the door to a new mature relationship. Ask them about anything and everything they’ve experienced. Get all the gory details especially the health-related ones they sheltered you from in your younger days so you’ll be able to age like a fine wine instead of a sour grape.

7. Try something different. You’ve still got the muscle tone and mobility to truly push the envelope and get the adrenalin roaring and flash test the old circuitry without winding up in the ER. Stop dreaming and get out there and give it a go.

8. Get spontaneous. Seek new experiences, new technologies, new points of view, new possibilities. Pursue your bliss and let it guide you to new habits that will serve you better down the stretch.

9. Laugh more. An old folklore says that the first question we ask upon dying is, "Why was I so serious?" Life today is full of reasons to scowl, frown, sputter and fume. That’s plain defeatism and it only makes you look and feel old. Find things that make you laugh and surround yourself with them.

10. Set laughter goals. Laughing to tears, falling down, rolling, pants-wetting hilarity once a week. Laughter is your tether to youth, an instant facelift and the purest appreciation for what a cool ride this really is....

Recently, we watched a local production of the Broadway play Menopause, the Musical; the theater was filled with my contemporaries who laughed, sang and danced to celebrate the big change that most of us are going or had gone through.

The message was clear. Change your attitude, baby! With a no-sweat outlook, one can remain happy, healthy and wise through any transitions.

Still humming a popular ditty from the musical, a friend commented tongue in cheek, "Wasn’t that a great show? Now I know what to expect when the big M comes." Who was she kidding? On the other hand, why spoil this myth for her? She’s obviously having fun and has unwittingly taken to heart Gayle Sand’s advice: "Seek your passion and pursue it making the years ahead even more precious than those past."

Now, you’re talking.

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Attention: All our dear women readers. E-mail the author at lettyjlopez@hotmail.com for a list of food, vitamins and supplements to keep your three B’s (body, brain and bones and more?) hale and hearty.