Suits that suit

It’s tough being a woman. Make that excruciating. It’s excruciating to be a wom-an. Simply because we have to go through pretty, uh, excruciating things, things that would probably render men to near-extinction if they had to go through them. Topping the list of really excruciating things only women have to undergo are childbirth, dysmennorhea coupled with gas pains, four-inch pencil-thin stilettos, and finding the perfect swimsuit. The last is decidedly the most ominous now that summer begins to shine in.

Swimsuit hunting is the most annoying sport known to womankind. It’s either a win or lose situation that doesn’t even require the tiresome activity of racking up points. Either you come up with the "perfect" swimsuit or you insecurely cower within the cover a sarong affords.

As I’m not one to wrap myself in tiresome batik, I decided to turn swimsuit hunting into a team sport. I drafted Preview’s fashion editor Rorie Carlos into my two-woman camp. She was to be my defending block against the threat of "the wrong bikini".

According to Rorie, getting yourself a swimsuit requires some sort of protocol. You can’t just barge into a shop and go about it in the same way you do your groceries. While the final choice in the supermarket comes down to the one that gives you more value for less money, the ultimate swimsuit depends on your own physiological capacity. Showing off your shape in the beach is the main purpose of a swimsuit (apart from the fact that it’s also the best thing to wear while swimming). What your figure is lacking, the swimsuit will make up for.

The "perfect swimsuit" is one that looks damn good, preferably with you in it. It minimizes or hides your flaws and enhances your assets. It flatters where it should. It speaks volumes about your confidence. It makes the men look twice.

Before embarking on the quest for the "perfect swimsuit", know the most important "must" in playing the sport. Know your body type. Study yourself in the mirror at home – think of it as self-preservation rather than narcissisms – and visualize the suits that will flatter your figure and minimize your flaws.

• If you’re pear-shaped and your main problem are hips slightly wider than everything else, go for padded bikini tops and halter-style closures to create an illusion of a cleavage; bandeau tops and horizontal stripes also give the illusion of width. Stick to high-cut bottoms to minimize the hips and lengthen the legs.

• If you’re blessed with a heavy bosom and narrow hips and thighs, i.e. apple-shaped, opt for dark-colored tops and wide bikini top straps. Boyleg shorts also make the butt look bigger.

• If you’re stick-thin and want to go for the Sports Illustrated look rather than the waif this summer, you should definitely go heavy on the prints – geometrics, stripes, paisley, florals. One piece-suits in prints are particularly great for your body type. Avoid dark-colored bikinis; strut around in whites, pastels and brights. Padding and underwired bikinis are definitely encouraged.

• If you have a straight torso and want more curves, look to buying striped bikinis that can give an illusion of width to your hips and top. Avoid tankinis because these will only lengthen your torso. Choose colourful suits to attract more attention to your covered area. If you want a one-piece, hunt out those modish styles that have cut-outs in the waist area – these help in giving you more curves.

After familiarizing yourself with your own flaws, you are now ready to set foot on court. Rorie gives some more tips on how to strengthen the offense in the hunt for the perfect swimsuit:

• Dress the part. Wear comfortable and easy-to-peel clothes so you won’t have a difficult time when trying on the suits in the dressing room.

• Be aware of your objective. Keep in mind the kind of activity the swimsuit will be used for – pool laps are more receptive to sleek one-piece suits, beaches certainly welcome bikinis.

• Feel the fit. As soon as you’ve tried on a suit, check to make sure that it fits you comfortably before you go right ahead and fall in love (there’s nothing more bothersome than waking up the next morning and realizing that you’ve brought home the wrong suit). Make sure the straps are snug and secure. Walk around in the suit, bend, raise your arms above your head to check whether any-thing folds or rides up. Jump if you have to. If in between sizes, opt for the bigger size.

The first shop we set out for was Planet Sports at Glorietta, a sports store that carries the French swimwear brand, Arena. Once a brand that focused mainly on suits for competition, Arena now offers leisure suits that are priced only a little over a thousand. This season most of their suits are in big prints and bright colors. I particularly zoned in on one-piece suit that had candy-colored horizontal stripes running along the torso and a solid blue bottom. Apart from reminding me of a beach scene in a Scott Baio flick, it was great for camouflaging my rather ample hips.

Selling brands from bikini central Australia, Chocolate’s swimsuit options are great boons to the waifish figure. The bikinis’ energetic designs and bandeau styles are great for maximizing bosoms.

I found an ideal bikini for practically any body type in KYCS. Their best-selling "Top Ten" bikini can be used to minimize, maximize, or materialize. It can be styled and tied in 10 different ways – 12 if you’re extremely creative. The suit comes with detachable pads and a small visual guide to making the most of your buy. I ended up getting one in white.

After the third shop, I realized that I had to attend to other excruciating "reserved for women" things (waxing my legs hair-free and buying the perfect straw hat) and had to put a halt to the store. Rorie threw in a few pointers, suggesting that I visit two more swimsuit havens, Tabu and Itsie-Bitsie. She also reminded of the growing popularity of custom-made bikinis, citing designers such as Vic Barba, Kate Torralba, and Ricky Vicencio.

I exited from the sport claiming victory. I had found a suit, three actually, that will prevent me slinking around in the shadows of palm trees (God only knows if I can actually wear them to swim in). All I have to do now is abstain from carbohydrate-laden, belly-enhancing sweets until after I return from the beach. This, I seriously think, is the most excruciating of all.

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For more swimsuit choices and for more tips on how to buy swimsuits for your body type, get hold of Preview magazine’s March issue, available in all leading bookstores and magazine stands.