How to paint a porch, survive crazy traffic & sell used cars

I don’t even like old cars. I’d rather have a goddamn horse. A horse is at least human, for God’s sake. 

— JD Salinger

I had more clothes than I had closets, more cars than garage space, but no money.                        

— Sammy Davis Jr.

We need to steer clear of this poverty of ambition, where people want to drive fancy cars and wear nice clothes and live in nice apartments but don’t want to work hard to accomplish these things. Everyone should try to realize their full potential.

— Barack Obama

Ikea people do not drive flashy cars or stay at luxury hotels.

— Billionaire Ikea founder

Ingvar Kamprad

Thanks to the high number of Philippine STAR readers who e-mailed their feedbacks — either agreeing with this writer or not — about my column last Sunday on President Noynoy Aquino’s third-hand white Porsche (one P-noy fan corrected me that the P4.5 million luxury car “is not second-hand, but third-hand”).

Granting that P-Noy had wrong timing and needs to uphold leadership by example in terms of hard work and simple lifestyle on the Porsche issue, this writer still gives him the benefit of the doubt due to his personal integrity, his sincerity, and I hope that he will ultimately be judged by the success or failure of his governance.

I hope that P-Noy’s matuwid na daan government will not just be remembered in history books for a Porsche drive, but for speedy and sustained Philippine socio-economic progress!

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This writer is currently reading the interesting and award-winning novel Ilustrado by Miguel Syjuco, which I bought at Bestsellers of National Bookstore, and I just couldn’t help but want to share one part of the book about the AMA Computer College graduate Erning Isip who had migrated to the United States. Here are excerpts:

Erning has trouble getting a good tech job because the Americans are wary of accepting his foreign qualifications. So he hits the job listings in the classified ads and finds this: “Wanted — Porch Painter.” Erning, excited, says to himself: Wow. This is great! In the Philippines, I’ve painted many things. The walls of our old house. My uncle’s chicken coop. My niece’s bicycle. I’m very qualified!

So Erning applies and shows up bright and early at the employer’s house. The burly blond fellow explains to him, speaking slowly and loudly: “Okay, buddy. I don’t know how you folks do it where you come from, but I want you to paint my porch in one day. First, scrape all the paint off the bare surface. Then apply a coat of primer. When that dries, I want you to do two coats of this pink paint. Can you do that?”

Erning thinks it a strange request. Pink doesn’t seem like a good color at all. But Erning figures this is California. Besides, it’s no use understanding Americans. Especially rich ones. “Yes, sir,” Erning says eagerly. I can remove paint and apply paint very well thank you very much!”

 “Okay, buddy,” the American says. “You’ve got the job. All the material’s already been unloaded from the trunk of the car.”

Only two hours later, the American hears a knock on his front door. When he opens it, Erning’s there, standing proudly, flecked with pink paint. “Sir, the job is finished.”

 “Far out, bro,” says the American. “Only took you two hours. Are you sure you scraped the paint to the bare surface?”

Erning nods.

 “And then you put on two coats of pink?”

 “You betcha by golly wow,” Erning says. He’s thrilled at being impressive. He thinks: If Americans are this taken by our work ethic, I’ll have a high-paying tech job in no time.

The American is indeed impressed. “Wow, you Mexicans sure work well. Okay, buddy. You deserve a bonus. Here’s another ten bucks!”

Erning is delighted. “Sir, thank you, sir!” Relishing this feeling of being a star employee, Erning adds: “But I have to tell you, sir, ‘cause maybe you don’t know much about these things. You don’t own a Porch. Your car’s a Ferrari.”

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TIPS FOR LUXURY CAR OWNERS & OTHER CAR DRIVERS

How do we ordinary citizens with or even without cars survive Metro Manila’s streets in the face of daily and chaotic traffic jams, plus a seeming crime wave in recent weeks ranging from carjacking to grizzly murders of car dealers?

Here are a few driving tips for car owners and drivers from the 19-year-old Filipino-Swiss racer Marlon Stockinger, who is the first-ever Filipino to win a Formula race in Europe by placing 8th in the Formula Renault UK 2010. He was also Asian Karting Champion in 2006 and Formula BMW Pacific Scholarship Winner in 2008. Here are tips that Stockinger shared at Kyss Bar in Makati during the Jan. 20 launch party of Inside Showbiz magazine:

• It is best to drive by listening to music, for better focus and concentration whether in Europe’s race tracks or Metro Manila’s jungle of streets.

• To be good in driving, whether as a Formula racer or ordinary driver, be physically fit with regular exercise, sufficient sleep and a good balanced diet. Marlon Stockinger has three European coaches and trainers on racing and physical fitness from England, Austria and Germany.

• Keep a low profile, if obviously you have a very nice car.

• For better safety, use tinted car windows.

• Try to avoid those areas of Metro Manila where carnappings are rampant, or if you happen to be there, be careful with your vehicle.

• Always drive very carefully in Metro Manila, because driving here is a bit crazy. People cut you off so often. There are so many Formula 1 prospects in Metro Manila, especially the bus drivers.

• Pre-owned or used cars are okay, especially for a first car.

USED CAR SELLING SAFETY TIPS IN THESE UNCERTAIN TIMES

One of my favorite ways to dispose of vehicles is to sell them after only a few years of use, so that I can use the money to buy a new vehicle. The front-page news in recent weeks on grizzly murders of used car traders is shocking to people like me now planning to sell my Innova and Revo vans in order to buy new vehicles.

Thanks to Philippine STAR reader in Zamboanga City and former used-car trader Armand Dean Nocum for having e-mailed me tips when dealing with used cars in these uncertain times.

By the way, to the bleeding-heart liberals and even those in the Catholic Church who oppose capital punishment, I am strongly for the implementation of the death penalty for heinous crimes and I believe it is not un-Christian to uphold public safety with this legal punishment.

Here are some used car trading tips:

• When contacted by buyers by phone or through the Internet, always make the effort to get their address or their telephone numbers that you can call back and verify to see whether they are who they claim they are. Checking their names on Facebook or other social sites would be helpful.

• When meeting them at your house, always get some people to witness the meeting. Although having their faces captured on a CCTV camera is ideal — if you have one — getting someone to photograph them secretly during the meeting would do no harm (It is your house anyway). While doing so would make you look paranoid, it is better to be paranoid than dead. While they are inspecting the car, you can take pictures of them, doing so by explaining that you are just taking picture of a car you hate to miss.

• When they want to do a test drive, insist that they leave government identification cards like driver’s license, SSS, PhilHealth, gun license and other cards that cannot be faked. If they come by car, insist they leave it behind and check if it is really registered under their name and not a stolen one. If they come by two, ask one of them to stay in your place.

• The test drive should only be done within your subdivision or places you are familiar with. These must be places where people abound. Watch out if there are vehicles following you. Always do the test drive at daytime. Meeting them at night or outside your home is out of the question except if you are acquainted with them.

• If you really must meet them outside your house, do so in a place you know has CCTV cameras and have a companion in a back-up car take their pictures (if the glasses of your backup car is tinted). Always bring a back-up car to tag you along during the test drive and make them aware you are bringing one. Again, this is a paranoid act, but better paranoid than sorry.

• Lastly, in these dangerous times and if you have a choice, sell your cars to friends and acquaintances or through referrals from them; and not to total strangers to lessen the exposure and risk. We always tell clients that in the used car business, it is the trust that matters more than the cars.

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Send feedbacks to willsoonflourish@gmail.com, Facebook or Twitter WilsonLeeFlores