'Does losing my virginity make me a bad person?'
Dear Nanay,
I am one of your avid readers. I hope you can help me with my problem.
My parents are very strict and conservative. I will be 22 this October and I have always been known as quiet and serious. As a girl in my family, they say that virginity is very important. We are told that when we have a boyfriend, we should not give up our virginity until after we get married. However, I gave mine up last year. I had a boyfriend four years ago but we broke up because he didn’t really love me. Because of that I had insecurities. Was I not beautiful? What didn’t I have? When he left me, another guy came into my life and he made me feel loved. So I gave up my virginity to him.
Will there be another man who will still love me? I don’t think so anymore, Nanay. Will there be anyone who will still respect me? Am I a bad person?
I need your advice.
JJ
Dear JJ,
First of all, you have to accept na hindi na maibabalik ang nakaraan (that you cannot bring back the past). But that doesn’t mean nobody will ever love you again. Virginity is not the only factor that will make someone love you. Some men care and, especially in today’s society, many don’t. I think it is important, but it certainly is not the end of the world. If a man breaks up with you only because of that, then maybe he does not really love you and he is not the right person for you.
So I would not worry about it too much. Instead, you should concentrate on making yourself a better person. Work hard. Learn new things every day. Improve yourself and reach for higher goals.
Not being a virgin does not make you a bad person. It only means that perhaps at one time in your life, you made a mistake. But nobody is perfect. And what really counts is what you learn from those mistakes to make yourself better.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Bringing up the subject of marriage
Dear Nanay,
I am a single mom with a three-year-old son, working as a teacher in a private school. I have a boyfriend who is a seaman. He has been my boyfriend for three years. We broke up because we lost communication, since he is still new at his job and I was assigned to the province. When he found out that I got pregnant, and that my ex-boyfriend did not marry me, he started communicating with me again. Since then we have not lost touch.
But now I am confused. It has been almost three years but he has never mentioned us getting married. I have known him for almost six years and I feel it is unfair. I want to talk to him but I am hesitant. Maybe he is just waiting for the right time. But Nanay, how long do I have to wait? Even his parents do not know that we are back together. My other concern is that I am working in a school. I don’t anyone to see us together because I do not want to be the subject of tsismis.
Elle
Dear Elle,
Especially in your situation, I think you cannot afford to just have relationships “for fun.” You really need to find someone who is seriously interested in you. And if you cannot see a future together with long-term plans, it is probably a waste of time to just be “together” without the possibility of marriage.
Having said that, if you have been together for so long already, maybe you should talk to your boyfriend about settling down. Bring up the subject and see how he reacts. Do not force it on him but maybe just casually insert it into your conversations. Sa una, baka puwedeng pabiro mo muna sabihin. (At first, maybe you can mention it in a joking way.) Just to see what he says. You might be surprised at his reaction. Maybe he also wants to bring it up but is just too scared to do so. If that is the case, he will even appreciate you being the one with enough courage to raise the issue.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
