Dear Nanay,
My parents are very strict. I am 21 years old. Since high school they didn’t allow me to have a boyfriend for as long as I was in school. But I have actually had three boyfriends without their knowing. My first boyfriend broke up with me because of our secret relationship. The second one also could not take it. The same thing happened with the third. I know that my parents are very strict only because they have very high expectations of me. I am just following them and sacrificing everything else so they do not get mad at me. But I am 21 years old already.
LONELY GIRL
Dear Nanay,
I come from a very conservative family and my parents do not want me to go out on dates yet. I have repeatedly asked them when I would be allowed to have a boyfriend but they just keep responding, “We will see.” I am now a senior in high school and I get good grades. And I think I deserve some freedom. How do I convince them that I should be allowed to have a boyfriend?
ALONE AND LONELY
Dear Lonely Girl, and Alone and Lonely,
Batang-bata pa kayo! (You girls are still so young!) Why are you in such a rush to find boyfriends? I am sure at this time in your lives it seems like that is a very important thing, but really, it is something you can easily live without for now.
I think your first priorities should be your studies and to follow your parents. Although you might not agree, as long as you live with your parents and you are still dependent on them, they do have a lot of control over what you can and cannot do. And besides, they only want what is best for you. So you should also try to understand where they are coming from.
And Lonely Girl, with regard to your former boyfriends, if they left you because they did not like your “arrangement,” then that only proves that they do not love you enough to stay with you. Better that you broke up so that you can go and look for someone else.
Having said that, I also think that you have the right to express your views to your parents. But when you do, you have to talk to them in a mature way. Try to make some compromises. For example, you can promise excellent grades in return for some privileges. Or maybe you can help around the house or somehow contribute to the expenses if you take a part-time job. Don’t forget that at the end of the day, the decision still belongs to them. So it is up to you to prove to them that you deserve their trust and confidence.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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