Dear Nanay,
I read your article last Sept. 7 and I think I am in the same situation.
I was also married for almost 12 years when I found out about my husband having an affair. It devastated me for a while. I got so depressed but what kept me going were my three kids. It took a while before I decided to leave my husband. Not only did he have an affair, he is no longer doing his role as a father and a good husband. It took several agreements and promises, but it never worked out. He would say sorry and then do it again. It became a cycle until I decided to put an end to his bad vices. I left him and brought along my kids. Communications between both parties seldom happened until this December, when I got a notice from him that he would send financial aid for the first time.
It has been a year since we separated, the kids are with me now and there’s this new issue arising. He wants us to spend summer vacation this coming break in his hometown (the place we left) but I am quite hesitant to do so. I’m afraid that when we go there for a vacation he might do something to hold us back and make us stay at his place.
Please advise me on this. Will I accept his offer?
Heartache
Dear Heartache,
I would say that you should follow your instincts. After everything that has happened, I think you are justified and cannot be blamed for having some apprehensions.
If you are uncomfortable or it just does not feel right for you and your children to spend your summer vacation in his hometown, then perhaps it is better that you do not do it. After all, that is his “home court.” If he really wants to spend time with the children, he can visit you. Tell him to come to you. Hindi mo naman tinatago yung mga anak mo. (Anyway, you are not keeping his children from him.) Kaya lang, kung masama ang kutob mo, huwag na lang talaga. (But if your instincts say no, then don’t do it.) I think it is better to be safe than sorry.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Caring For a Sick Grandmother
Dear Nanay,
My parents have passed away and it is now the responsibility my three siblings and I to take care of our sick grandmother. Because my three brothers all have their own families and I am the only one who is single, it has become my responsibility to take care of her.
Unfortunately, I am also a single mom with a five-year-old daughter who is about to go to school this year. Because of the additional expense, I am afraid I will not have enough money to support both my grandmother and my daughter’s studies.
Is it okay if I ask my brothers to contribute financially? I am just worried because they all have their own families to take care of and support.
JCS
Dear JCS,
Of course it is okay for you to ask for financial help from your brothers. After all, this is for the support of your grandmother.
Perhaps you should talk to your siblings and come to an agreement as to how much each one will contribute. Perhaps you can set a minimum amount and then anyone who can contribute a little more is free to do so voluntarily.
Explain to your brothers that you are willing to put in the time needed and that in the past you could afford to support your grandmother. However, now times have changed and you need the help financially because you have the education of your daughter to take care of.
I am sure that they will understand as long as you talk to them nicely and explain your situation. After all, you are a family and where else will we turn for support if not each other?
Sincerely,
Nanay
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