Dear Nanay,
Please take the time to read this e-mail. I need the advice of a mother. I cannot even share my situation with my own family. Here is my story.
I am a graduating high school student. At first I got along very well with my teacher and classmates. Samahang magbabarkada lang. Relasyong ama-anak. (We got together like a group of friends. Father-child relationship.) But as our graduation neared, I could not understand my feelings. I started having feelings for our teacher. At first, I could not admit it because I was ashamed. But as the days passed, I also wanted to tell him because that was the only way I knew how to get rid of this heavy weight I was carrying. So I decided to tell him the truth through text messages. I thought that my feelings would disappear. But I was wrong. My feelings grew even more and that is also how I found out that he shared the same feelings for me.
When our graduation day came, I was sad. But during the graduation itself, he did not leave my side. Instead of sitting with the other teachers, he sat behind my mother and I. I could not stop myself from crying when we went home. The next day, we had a get-together party. Our whole section was with him. Hindi inaasahan ay nagkainuman at napa-inom siya. (I didn’t hope for it but there was drinking and he drank.) When I was on my way home, he suddenly kissed me. I could not say no.
I was crying that night. My sister was wondering why and I accidentally told her about my teacher. She got mad at me, but that didn’t stop us from seeing each other during vacation time. After four months, we saw each other again. We saw each other in places where nobody knew us. It is not confirmed what is between us. Nobody is admitting anything as long as we are happy when we are together. But this is my biggest problem.
He has a family. He is 42 and I am 18. And now, we no longer have any communication because it is his wife who answers when I text.
Please give me advice on what to do. I cannot forget him. It has been seven months and I don’t know what to do with myself. I can only tell you this because nobody else would understand.
Loving The Wrong Person
Dear Loving The Wrong Person,
He has a wife and a family. He is married. Maghanap ka na ng iba. (Look for someone else.)
It doesn’t matter how old he is, if he was your teacher or whether or not what you have done in the past is right or wrong. The fact that he is already married means you should stay away.
I understand how you feel. But you are just too emotional now. Believe me, whatever you are feeling, it is only temporary and will eventually pass. You are only 18. You are still so young with so much more to look forward to in your life.
Keep yourself busy with school and your studies. This will distract you and help you not think of him so much. And look for someone else who is preferably more appropriate for you. Marami pang isda sa dagat. (There are still lots of fish in the sea.)
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Friends with a Gossip Girl
Dear Nanay,
I love reading your column because your advice is so motherly and practical and always leaves me thinking, Oo nga no! (Yes, that is true!) Why didn’t I think of that?
My question right now is about a friend of mine. She is a palengkera (fishmonger’s wife) type who thrives on gossip, especially others’ woes and miseries. Her favorite topics, to name a few, are: friends whose businesses are nalulugi (losing money), husbands of friends who are having affairs, or friends’ children who are doing poorly in school. She also likes to talk and boast a lot about herself — and I mean a lot. Her conversation topics can be boiled down to only two: gossip and how she spends her husband’s money.
I have been friends with her for some time now but I have never shared anything super-personal about myself, or divulged any personal problems for fear she could use these against me and gossip about me to others (which I tell you is not unlikely). I also doubt she would even listen since every time I’ve tried to confide something to her, she just shifts the topic back to herself. I’ve tried distancing myself from her but it is difficult because we move in the same social circles. I’m just wondering what you would do if you were in my shoes. Thank you.
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
First of all, I don’t think you should have difficulties with her being in the same social circles. Magkaibigan naman kayo (You are friends) and you are not really fighting. If you do not like the things she is talking about, then you can just keep your conversations to exchanging pleasantries and other small talk. Other than that, you can keep your distance and just not share anything too personal with her.
For me, I think that people who like to talk about themselves or spread gossip will not do so if nobody would listen. They cannot talk to themselves. So my advice to you is not to listen to what she has to say. Don’t encourage it. If she is trying to gossip, don’t listen. If she is talking about spending her husband’s money, politely change the subject.
If the listening stops, then perhaps so will the gossiping.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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