Dear Nanay,
I live in Marikina and because of the recent happenings have basically lost everything in our house. Our entire house was flooded because we live in a one-floor house. We lost all our cars, photos, appliances, books, mementos, clothes and other valuables. I do not know what to do. I feel so lost and defeated. Because of all this, I now have to buy a new car and new clothes. Why did this happen to me? I sometimes find myself asking if this is a punishment from God because of something I have done in the past. How will I deal with this?
Lost
Dear Lost,
First of all, let me express my sympathies. What happened to you and to so many of our countrymen is something that nobody should have to ever endure in their lifetime. But you have to realize that the fact that you are still alive and that you can start rebuilding is reason enough for you to be thankful.
Don’t think that this is God’s punishment to you. There were many innocent children who suffered worse fates than you. Are they being punished also? I don’t think so. This is just one of the challenges in life that you have to accept and rise above.
Even in my life, I have faced similar challenges. There were two occasions when my family basically lost everything that we had worked so hard for. We had to start from zero again. But the question is, what do you do? Will you just lay down in defeat? Or will you get up again and work even harder? Nasa sa iyo iyan. (That’s up to you.) The choice is yours. Do not give up and you will come back better, stronger and even more determined.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Her Daughter is a Discipline Problem
Dear Nanay,
Hi. I’m one of the avid readers of your column as I learn so much from the advice that you give to those who need it most. At 27, I am a young mom struggling to discipline my four-year-old daughter. She’s a nursery pupil at a private school but lately she has been having some behavioral problems. Recently, her teachers keep complaining about my baby’s attitude. At first, it was simply her running around the classroom and not paying attention. Then she started fighting with her classmates or hitting them with her notebooks. Worse, she punched a boy during the flag ceremony.
Is it completely my fault that my daughter is behaving this way? I do remind her to behave in school so her teacher won’t punish her by spanking. I try to refrain from spanking her as well because I believe that it makes her more violent. Does merely telling her that what she’s doing is not right enough? I told her that if she keeps on hurting her classmates, at some point they will hurt her also. But my biggest problem right now is that we are living with my in-laws and when they learn about these things it seems that they’re mighty proud of what she’s doing. They believe it’s really in their genes that they are “good fighters” and I am a biology teacher who believes in the idea of “nature vs. nurture.”
Nanay, how will I tell my daughter that what she’s doing is not good when my in-laws teach her exactly the opposite?
Marshmallows
Dear Marshmallows,
First of all, I am not an expert on child behavior or psychology. I cannot tell you exactly what to do without knowing all the facts. What I do know is that if your child is experiencing some behavioral problems, there is probably a reason why it is happening.
The fact that you feel you are telling her one thing and your in-laws are saying something else may be contributing to her behavior. But I cannot know that for sure.
What I think you should do is to talk to her pediatrician or a child developmental psychologist. Or perhaps you can talk to the school’s guidance counselor. They will probably be in a better position to give you good advice. These people are used to dealing with children and they can best tell you what is in the acceptable range of normalcy for children.
If you don’t want to go to a doctor, there are also, of course, many books on the subject of raising children. You might want to consider doing some research on your own.
Perhaps the only real advice I can give you is to do what you think is the best for your daughter and give her all your unconditional love and support.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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