Her brother says, 'The kid is not my son'

Dear Nanay,

Our family is undergoing a crisis! The ex-girlfriend of my brother suddenly showed up at our door last week to talk to my mother. She is claiming that my brother has a three-year-old son by her.

My mom talked to my brother and he is denying it, saying it is impossible that that is his son. But my mother is inclined to believe the girl because the child looks exactly like my brother.

His ex-girlfriend is now asking my brother for financial help because the child will start preschool soon and she is currently not working and obviously a single mom.

My mother wants to help because she says it is my brother’s responsibility as the father. But my brother is denying that is his son.

What can we do? We are caught between a rock and a hard place.

LKH

Dear LKH,

I think the only way you might be able to conclusively prove if that is your brother’s son or not is with a DNA test. Otherwise, mahirap talaga patunayan kung nagkaroon sila ng anak o hindi (it is really hard to prove whether they had a child or not). If you have a blood test, it will only prove “definitely not his son” or “maybe his son” based on the blood type.

It is difficult to make a conclusion based on “kamukha yung bata (the child looks like him)” or “kutob (a hunch).” Those might just be biased observations being influenced by emotions. Although there is probably a good chance that the child is his son kung kamukha niya talaga (if he really looks like him), I think you need to look for conclusive proof. Yung sigurado. (Undeniable proof.) Because this will be a life-altering circumstance for your brother. And if it is proven that is his son, I think it will surely change your brother’s life and you will see that his attitude towards the child will also change.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Wayward Cousin Wreaks Havoc At Home

Dear Nanay,

My cousin lives here in our house because my tito and tita (uncle and aunt) are both working abroad as OFWs. This cousin of mine has always been, shall we say, a bum. Bulakbol. Puro bisyo at babae. (All vice and women.) After six years, he finally graduated from college and by some miracle found a job. Now that he has money, he has even more girls! He brings his girls home and drinks with his friends here in the house.

My mother keeps trying to discipline him, to no avail. I asked my mother how come my brother and I are always being disciplined and we are obedient to her when this cousin of ours — who is making a mess of our house and disrespecting my parents — can get away with all this? My mother says that my tito and tita are not here and he was entrusted to her. And she is just fulfilling her responsibility.

But it is too much already, isn’t it? Isn’t it time to kick him out of the house because he is already affecting our lives negatively?

Maya

Dear Maya,

I think you should talk to your mother and the family should give your cousin one more chance. Ask your mother to set some ground rules for the house and this will apply to everyone, not just your cousin. Then your mother can call a family meeting and share those rules with everyone and explain why those rules are being implemented. Kailangan maayos na pakikiusap. (It has to be a proper talk.) She has to say that “we all live together in this one house so we all have to learn to get along and respect each other.”

If he still does not follow, then maybe it is time for your mother to call your tito and tita and talk to them. Explain the situation to them and ask them for their advice.

If you ask me, the most difficult part about this situation is that if something ever happens to your cousin, it will happen on your mother’s watch. At alam na natin ang mangyayari diyan. (And we know what’s going to happen there.) It will become the responsibility of your mother because your cousin was entrusted to her. So regardless of whether or not it was your mother’s fault, if something happens under her watch, it will become her responsibility. Baka masisi pa siya na wala naman siyang kasalanan. (She might get blamed for something that was not her fault.) That is why she needs to talk to your tito and tita if she really cannot discipline your cousin.

And if nothing seems to be working, then maybe it is time that your cousin go out on his own. After all, he already has a job; he can afford to go and live on his own.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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