My sister's husband is gay

Dear Nanay,

This is my first time to write you and I never expected that at one point in my life I would be looking for advice this way. I have read some of your newspaper columns and your advice is very motherly and practical.

I speak on behalf of my sister. She was married last year because she became pregnant. She talked to me last night and confessed to me the true status of their marriage.

Their marriage started to have problems in mid-2008 when she found out her husband was lying to her. He would always keep his cell phone from her and delete all the messages in his inbox. One time he received a phone call that he refused to answer in front of her. She kept asking about that phone call and this led to non-stop arguments. He was finally forced to confess and he said that it was his ex-girlfriend “Marie.” But he said he was not having an affair with her and he was trying to get rid of her but he didn’t want my sister hurt.

Then another time there was another text and my sister could not take it anymore and grabbed the phone and hid somewhere. She pretended to be her husband and was able to convince Marie to just drop by the house. Marie finally dropped by late at night and her husband was already asleep by the time the text came that Marie was outside. My sister went outside and was very surprised to see a gym-buffed guy in his late 30s standing at their gate! She went back inside to wake up her husband but he refused to wake up.

My sister felt so betrayed! But because of their child she is trying to hang on to her marriage. From her story, I figured out that her husband must be bisexual, although I am not really sure yet. But it takes one to know one. I am single but, yes, I hardly accept to myself, too, that I am gay — a discreet one. I think I am still having an identity crisis until now.

I told her that I think her husband is gay, but of course she doesn’t want to believe me because her husband has had other girlfriends and he had sex with them. She thought that a real man would not tolerate having sex with a gay. My sister is very naïve when it comes to gay affairs and issues. My poor sister.

Now they live under the same roof but do not talk much and don’t sleep together. They sleep separately and every morning each goes to work alone. In the evening, they meet at the house, don’t talk to each other and it seems like both are total strangers. Their child is with our mother in the province and she is the one taking care of him because her husband does not even have a regular job to support the family.

Just recently, the worst scenario happened. My sister woke up early one morning as her husband was telling her to open the gate. Standing there was her husband with a guy in his mid-20s. He was introduced as the nephew of their ninong. The boy said he dropped by because her husband was drunk. My sister was surprised because her husband was not drunk. When she went to the CR for a while, she came out and was surprised to see the boy already lying there in their room beside her husband. And her husband said that he was spending the night there! She couldn’t stop crying that night as she slept downstairs.

What should my sister do? I really hope that there will be a positive outcome to all of this.

Vince

Dear Vince,

I think regardless of whether or not your sister’s husband is gay is almost beside the point. Ang mahirap talaga dito ay inuuwi na niya yung ka-affair niya sa bahay nilang mag-asawa. Harap-harapan na, sa kuwarto pa nila. (The problem here is that he brings the people he’s having affairs with to their house. He does it right in front of her, and even in their room.) That is already a very clear sign of disrespect and probably one that says their marriage is unfortunately over. Wala na siyang pakialam kung ano ang nararamdaman ng kapatid mo (He doesn’t care anymore about your sister’s feelings) and is completely indifferent to her integrity or her pride.

So if you ask me, it is time to part ways. It is time to get legal advice and talk about an amicable separation.

It is a big plus that your sister has a job and looks like she is financially independent. It would have been far more difficult for her if she were completely dependent on him for support.

The process will definitely be difficult, especially because they have a young child. But there is no use hanging on when there is nothing to hang on to. It is better to move on now while it is still early rather than wait until it is too late.

Sincerely,

NanaY

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How do you get a book published?

Dear Nanay,

I have a question regarding publishing a book. I have been a passionate writer for more than 10 years now (that’s since I was in Grade 5!) and have written various poems, novels, stories and articles, all of which are filed inside my cabinet. Well, after everything I have written, I have finally finished a book that contains various spiritual articles and collectively is a three-year journal of my life. Anyway, I am really excited about this and had my book typed in the computer already but I don’t know what I should do next.

I have read in various authors’ articles that they submitted their work to various publishers before they finally had their literature published. How do I do this?

Thank you very much for answering my questions, which have been bothering me for a very long time. I am very much hoping to touch the hearts of different people through my book. It has always been my dream.

Charm

Dear Charm,

Every so often I receive an e-mail from people who want to have their manuscripts published.

There are really two ways you can sell your work: either you have a publisher publish the book for you or you can do it yourself.

It is always easier if you have a publisher do it for you because they will take care of everything, from proofreading and laying out the book to coordinating with the bookstores. They will also be the ones to shoulder the cost of printing the book. However, this will also mean that the publisher will get a portion of the proceeds and will most likely pay you a royalty based upon how many copies were printed or how many copies were sold. To make a long story short, if the publisher will invest in publishing your work, they will obviously take a cut of the profits. And they will, of course, have the final say as to whether or not to invest in your book.

The other way you can do it is to self-publish the book. In other words, you have to pay for the cost of printing the book and possibly handle offering it to the bookstores for sale. But because you are the one investing, you can also keep more of the profits as well. Mas mahirap at mas matrabaho, pero mas malaki rin ang kita mo. (It’s more difficult and requires more work, but you’ll also earn more profits.)

There are really too many issues and details for me to discuss here, because you can even have a combination of the two scenarios above. For example, you publish the book and the publishing company just markets and sells it for you. Puwede rin yung ganoong usapan tapos hati kayo sa kita. (You can have that kind of agreement and then split the profits.) Marami talagang (There are really a lot of) issues that you will have to consider, but any reputable publisher will surely be more than willing to discuss these with you.

If you are interested in talking to a publisher, you can talk to Anvil Publishing. Look for Karina Bolasco or Gwenn Galvez at 637-8840 or e-mail them at publishing@anvilpublishing.com.

On the other hand, if you are interested in self-publishing your book, you can talk to Ellen Brodit at Atlas Publishing. She can be reached at 912-9652 or e-mail atlas.printing@yahoo.com. They can do small runs of even 50 or 100 copies of a book on their digital printers so you don’t have to invest in thousands of copies or if you just want to give it away to family and friends.

Good luck!

Sincerely,

Nanay

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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.