How do you deal with a mother-in-law who plays favorites?
Dear Nanay,
I’m a regular reader of your column and I really enjoy it since your advice is so practical and motherly and full of common sense.
I just wanted to ask: how do you deal with a mother-in-law who plays favorites among her apos (grandchildren)? My sister-in-law (my husband’s sister) and I both have three-year-old sons. While I know that my mother-in-law (MIL) loves them both, it is very, very obvious that she loves the other one more. She greets my son with a hug and a kiss, but she greets the other one with hugs, kisses, embraces, compliments, praise, and squeals of delight and excitement. She praises the other child from head to foot, even if he is just wearing pambahay and tsinelas (house clothes and slippers). She gushes about him as if he were the cutest, smartest, most adorable boy on earth.
When the two kids fall down, she rushes to pick up and comfort the other one first. Even if the other kid does something embarrassing, like urinate on the floor, she will still praise him as if he had just achieved a Guinness world record.
I’m going crazy just watching her do this week after week. I feel so sorry for my own son. I don’t want him to feel left out or insecure. She virtually ignores my son when the other apo is around. Sometimes, I complain to my husband and ask why his mother has to display such preferential treatment. Hindi naman niya pinapatulan ang inis ko (He doesn’t put up with my annoyance) and just tells... me to ignore it. Should I just continue to seethe in private? In fairness to her, my MIL is actually very nice and has always been kind to me. I just can’t stand this particular trait of hers, especially since it involves my son.
Would greatly appreciate your advice and my anonymity. Thank you and more power!
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
I actually agree with you. Parang mali yung ginagawa ng mother-in-law mo. (What your mother-in-law is doing appears to be wrong.)
Don’t get me wrong, I think it is but human to have favorites, but you should just keep it to yourself and not make it obvious, especially to the children. Magkakainggitan lang sila. (They will just get jealous of each other.) You should always make an effort to be fair to everyone.
If your husband doesn’t want to talk to his mother about the problem, I think your objective should be for your mother-in-law to get to know your son better. Give her an opportunity to spend some quality time with him so that she will also realize the merits of your son. Give them a chance to bond with one another and your mother-in-law will eventually see your son’s best points.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Pressured To Have More Than One Child
Dear Nanay,
I am an only daughter and I also have only one child. My problem is that my mother is forcing me to have another child. She says that I should have another child so that my son will not be an only child like me. But my husband and I are more than happy with our one son. And I really do not want to have another one. I want to concentrate on my career and raising our one son. But my mother is very insistent and she says that I shouldn’t even worry about my career or finances because she will help raise the child. But that is not the point. I just don’t want to have another child. What should I do?
Maila
Dear Maila,
I agree with your mother. I think it would be better if you had more than one child. However, I will also be the first one to admit that at the end of the day, it will still be your choice.
You and your husband need to sit down and really make the choice for yourselves. Everyone else can put in their suggestions, but the reality is that only the two of you have votes.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
