Dear Nanay,
I hope all is well with you and you are in good health. I am an avid reader of your column because of your motherly and honest advice. I am an OFW based here in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia. I am gay, in my 40s but am still contemplating getting married and having babies. Now my problem is that I have a lady coworker and she is deeply in love with me. This is my first time to sink into this kind of relationship. She knows that I am gay but she is willing to accept me for what I am. Should I take her seriously? What are the consequences of getting involved in this kind of relationship?
Mark
Dear Mark,
The only question I want to ask you is “How do you feel about this coworker?” And really, only you can answer that question.
If she is interested in you and you are interested in her in spite of your sexual preference, maybe you guys should give the relationship a try. Since you are both single and interested, there is really nothing stopping the two of you from getting together. Who knows? Maybe deep down inside you are not really gay. This might be especially true if you do intend to have a “normal” marriage at some point.
My only advice to you is, whether you are gay or straight, a man or a woman, whenever you are thinking of going into a relationship, and more so a marriage, you have to commit yourself 100 percent. Kailangan faithful and dedicated ka (You need to be faithful and dedicated) to that relationship or marriage and being a good husband. And then, if you have children after that, you have to be equally committed to being a good father to your child.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Breaking Up With Someone You Love
Dear Nanay,
I lost my trust in my boyfriend and recently our fights have become frequent. I have broken up with him several times before, but he always comes back and asks for forgiveness. I want to break up with him but I still love him. Please help.
Vulnerable
Dear Vulnerable,
Kung ngayon pa lang, nahihirapan na kayo ng boyfriend mo (If at this early stage you’re already finding it hard) to have a stable relationship, how do you think it will be possible for you to move forward and even consider getting married? Furthermore, if you cannot even consider marriage or you cannot see yourself with this person for the rest of your life, then maybe you are just wasting your time together.
You really need to ask yourself what you are doing in this relationship and maybe accept that you are just not a good match. Do you really have a future together? Can you really see being together in 10 or 20 years? If your answer to these questions is “no,” then it might be time to break up one last time because it will probably happen sooner or later, anyway.
You have to understand that even if you love him, that is not enough to build a solid foundation for your relationship. Love is never enough. It is just a start. You also need trust, friendship, respect and a willingness to work hard at the relationship. Otherwise you cannot go any further than where you are now.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbook store.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.