Gracious leaving
The American Idol marathon was showing for the past two weekends. They aired the last two seasons’ road show of auditions. Thousands flocked to the tryout sites entranced by the siren call of fame. Though the auditions were clearly meant for those who had a real talent for singing, many were mediocre but wanted to try anyway. Some admitted they couldn’t sing. One even confessed to being tone-deaf. Naturally the infamous Simon Cowell was dripping with razor-sharp sarcasm. Still they lined up, some for more than a day, serenading, cajoling, groveling and sometimes bullying the judges for a shot at stardom. When they didn’t get the nod to go to Hollywood, the reactions were quite varied and extreme. Some were content with their three minutes out of obscurity. Others vowed to try again next year. But there were a few who were in violent denial, blaming everyone but themselves for not making the cut.
It’s amusing to watch the antics of the contestants and the judges. But after the chuckles comes a sobering realization: for a lot of people, a lot of times, there’s just no letting go. A rejected contender was swearing and screaming like a banshee, alternating between threats and pleas as she was led away. Another one eventually committed suicide near Paula Abdul’s home, after months of stalking the Idol judge. These are the moments when Eckhart Tolle’s words, in his book New Earth, ring truer and scarier than ever. His thesis is that historically, mankind has exhibited collective insanity because of the domineering ego. This widespread madness has led to genocides, global wars, road rage and disease.
One might protest that these are isolated cases and the losers were unstable to begin with. But what about the CEO of a sequestered company who refused to leave his corner office until he was bodily removed, still glued to his leather executive chair? Or the mayor who barricaded himself with his followers inside the city hall after Comelec ruled that his rival was the true winner? Or the successful businesswoman who had been divorced for many years but still went berserk when she heard that her ex, whom she despised, was seriously involved with someone else? Surely they have all their marbles in place. So why do they lose it when, clearly, it’s time to let go? According to Tolle, the ego makes it difficult to accept and execute an exit, more so a genteel one. Their self-identity is predicated on achievement, stature, property and even arm candy. And the loss or non-attainment of these identities can lead to extreme stress and pain.
Unfortunately, the best business schools don’t teach these topics to their students as they should. They fail to teach them about failing forward or graceful egress. In the asphalt jungle, to retreat and fight another day is not an option that many would take. Thus, at the first sign of a reversal of fortune, suicide seems to be the best way out. Recently, a German billionaire, swindled by the notorious Bernard Madoff, hurled himself at an oncoming train over the loss of major investments. He was the second billionaire to take his own life in as many weeks. Tragic permanent goodbyes like this indicate that by their own estimate, life was worth far less than the sum of their assets.
Hence, it is heartening when some of the more enlightened instinctively realize that — as clichéd as it seems — it’s really better to quit while you’re ahead, or at the very least bow out with style. That’s why Seinfeld and Friends ended their highly popular series way before the ratings dipped or the public got tired of them. Jay Leno named Conan O’Brien his heir to the Tonight Show years before it actually happened. They quit when they were on top of their game.
Why do some people say goodbye better than others? In Kuala Lumpur, during the Asian crisis, the CEO of the biggest ad agency at that time was commanded by the home office to downsize the staff by 30 percent to meet target revenues. The CEO knew that it would be next to impossible for a retrenched employee to find another job during the economic downturn. So he offered to go instead, so that there would be no need to fire anyone else. His staff was shocked when he announced that he was leaving. There were tears of sadness and deep admiration for a man who chose to sacrifice himself rather than the rank and file. To this day, those who witnessed the ultimate act of leadership would take a bullet for the guy whose farewell was such a class act.
A regional head of Asia Pacific was offered a promotion to a more important and lucrative post that would get him closer to eventually becoming the global CEO. But he was newly divorced and wanted to remain in Singapore to be near his kids since he had joint custody with his ex-wife who resided there. He opted to reject the offer and quit. Here was someone whose ego was under control. His self-identity and self-worth did not rest on a title and a position. Just like the KL CEO, he belonged to the small percentage of more spiritual and enlightened leaders whose priorities were not dictated by their ego.
In stark contrast was the case of the second-in-command of one of the profit centers of a huge conglomerate. He couldn’t wait for his immediate superior to retire or keel over, whichever came first, so he could get the position. To hasten the process, he began to undermine his boss at every opportunity. He would deliberately keep vital information from him so that he would look inept at board meetings. He made nasty jokes behind his back, spread innuendos about his private life and even leaked out the results of his boss’s medical exams. He vowed that he would have the top post before the year ended. He felt entitled to a promotion because in his mind, he credited the astounding growth of the company to himself. He bragged openly and loudly that without him the subsidiary would have folded years ago.
Although his self-promotion was not entirely without merit, his staff began to detest him. After one particularly harrowing meeting where his chief was once again embarrassed for having had the wrong report, the deputy was called to the office of Big Boss. At last, he thought, I will finally get what I have long deserved. Imagine his chagrin when he was served his walking papers instead. Apparently one of his staff documented all his attempts to sabotage his superior, and presented the evidence to the Big Boss. So the whistleblower was promoted, the chief kept his job and his title, and the deputy got the axe. It was one messy good riddance! Karma made sure he got what was coming to him.
There is no way we can leave the topic of exits without touching on the longest sitting president post-Marcos, who seems disinclined to leave even after nine long years. Some say she is clinging for dear life because of fears of legal retaliation when she loses her presidential immunity. Others claim it’s the people around her who mess up her head and tempt her with perpetual power. Her defenders say that she will step down and her actuations are simply to avoid becoming a lame duck. Her critics scoff and predict that she will do whatever it takes to remain in power. Thus the con-ass and Puno’s ouster are being pushed by her Congress lackeys to pave the way for the Charter change that will extend her term. Despite continued protest from Malacañang that they have nothing to do with these moves, no one seems to believe them.
The Filipino people have been lied to so many times before. The Palace should believe that they are ready to become the moral force in defense of Supreme Court Justice Reynato Puno, the only public figure that remains untainted, credible and ethical. The President and her minions might serve their last remaining days better by acknowledging that all good things must come to an end, strategizing a dignified departure and negotiating a peaceful transfer of power to the 2010 President whoever he may be. The irony is, if Chief Justice Puno’s ouster succeeds, he might just be the next occupant of the Palace. And that would be poetic justice.
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