Alcoholism and the business executive

When the economy is not doing well, many people tend to abuse alcohol. One definition of an alcoholic is someone who continues to drink and use alcohol despite the adverse influences in his life. “If there is a husband who comes home drunk even after having fights with the wife because of his drinking, for me that is a clear indication that there is a drinking problem or alcohol abuse,” says Rechi Cristobal, executive director of the Family Wellness Center in San Juan, Rizal. “ People used to say, ‘Ay hindi, kasi nagger lang ang asawa niya (It’s just because his wife is a nagger),’ but you see, a wife will not continue to nag a husband about something that he rarely does. At a certain point there is a valid reason why the spouse would be nagging.”

Alcoholism is a disease. Like cancer, it is an illness that no one wants to have. Unlike cancer, though, it is not as easily diagnosed. For clinicians like Rechi, the indicators they use to verify if there is a problem include examining the six areas in one’s life. These areas, which are assessed and critically analyzed, include one’s work, physical and mental conditions, social and family relationships and legal boundaries. When one or more of these major life areas are affected by the drinking, then one can be sure that one’s dependence on alcohol is progressing.

“For example, some people manage to keep their jobs and even flourish in their careers in spite of their drinking bouts,” continues Rechi. “These types of alcoholics are often referred to as functioning alcoholics but the indicators can still be used to confirm if there is an alcohol problem. More than likely, the family relationship would be suffering.” 

Like many diseases, alcoholism also has its stages: abstinence, experimentation, socialization, habituation, abuse and then dependency. Dependency is the condition when one continues to drink alcohol even when the effects have hurt one or more of the six areas of your life. Those who have felt the deterioration in their health, experienced the downfall of their careers, or gone through the loss of their self-confidence and self-esteem know that their drinking can be blamed for much of their failures but because they are dependent on alcohol, they continue to indulge.

It’s no use telling an alcoholic to stop drinking. As one of the recovering alcoholics relates, “I was married at 30 and had a career as an executive in a television company. Because of the cocktail parties and dinners that I had to attend, my closest friends became the advertising directors I would meet with regularly. Our greeting to each other would be, ‘What will you have to drink?’ At first, I started the evenings with rum and coke. I wasn’t much of a drinker then but as the parties progressed, I experimented with scotch on the rocks. Soon, I developed the reputation of being able to choose good wine and took pleasure in my growing expertise at selecting the bottles of wine we would have for dinner. I must say that I never wanted to get drunk but as the years unfolded, I found myself looking for friends who would have a drink with me for lunch. My wife would notice that I would be coming home late and smelling like I had too much to drink, but I blamed it on my job. I remember tumbling off to bed and hearing her voice pleading for me to abstain from drinking. Each night I would promise her that I would stop drinking. By lunchtime, a monkey on my back would whisper to me that one drink couldn’t hurt and my resolution to quit alcohol would be postponed for another day.”

People who abuse alcohol might be able to stop on their own but people who are in the dependency stage would have a very difficult time stopping without medical or family intervention. “Families taking a stand and forcing the alcoholic to go for treatment is the most effective way to help an alcoholic overcome his illness,” says Rechi.

He recounts how he overcame his own addictions. “In March, 1995, I was a 32-year-old drug addict and a drunkard. My family did an intervention and brought me to Makati Med and then right after, I was brought to a treatment center.”

After his recovery, Rechi started working as a volunteer counselor. The sense of purpose and fulfillment that he received from helping others in their recovery from their addictions gave him the desire to take his mission seriously. His studies in addiction treatment led him to train in Minnesota and Boston in the United States. By the time he opened his Family Wellness Center in 1999, Reniel “Rechi” Cristobal knew that there was a need for his services. After helping more than 280 clients go through their treatment at the Wellness Center, Rechi today speaks with authority on what his clients experience.

“The feeling of emptiness is something that only a recovering alcoholic can understand. Even when you are around people, you feel that you are still alone with your thoughts. The strongest emotions in alcoholics are shame and guilt. You keep on promising and then you keep on breaking your promises. Important values that you treasure are set aside. When you are drunk, lying, stealing, hurting people and breaking agreements are the norm. Wavering on your responsibilities to your family brings about a vicious cycle of shame and guilt that sinks you lower into drinking until you fall into a point of despair and you tell yourself, ‘I am no good anymore.’ That is the emptiness that is so sickening.”

The first fact that families have to understand is that alcoholism is a disease. Having a son, husband or wife who is an alcoholic does not make him a bad person. People get sick. Alcoholics are sick people.

Alcoholics are people who need help. Usually the families are in denial, rationalizing that maybe the alcoholic is just lonely or stressed. Knowing that alcoholism is an illness helps the family to face the problem more easily. 

Seek outside help. Many Filipino families go through years trying to take care of things on their own. Consult psychiatrists, doctors or call treatment centers that specialize in recovering alcoholics. Families need to get educated so that they can accept that they need outside help.

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E-mail: aurorawilson@gmail.com