Dear Nanay,
We always seek to follow our dreams. I have been crossing a long and winding path trying to reach mine.
I graduated a fine arts major in advertising from a top university in Manila. My work experiences are all related to my field of expertise and I can proudly say that they taught me well as I have been able to update my skills creatively. But “following my dreams” I am not.
You see, Nanay, the reason I took up fine arts was because it offers fashion design as one of its major subjects. And fashion design is still my ultimate dream. After graduating from high school, I could not say that I wanted to be a fashion designer to my parents because at that time, they didn’t consider fashion designing a career. “Pang bakla” lang daw. (For them it was only for gay men.) So the fastest and more acceptable way of studying fashion design then was to take up Fine Arts. Unknown to them, fashion design was part of the curriculum.
After college I landed a job in a publishing company. Then I worked in a mall. My dream job in fashion was put on hold because my regular office schedule would not permit me to go out and apply for a fashion design job and the opportunities at that time were not there. Sometimes I would accept sideline work doing window displays or dressings for some boutiques. It was during these sidelines that I became friends with one of the boutique owners, who planned to put out her own fashion label in the future. Years after she was established, she took me in as part of her company. So there I was, in my dream job in fashion.
She gave me a chance at design and at the same time do window dressing and fashion merchandising. I was happy with my job there. I only resigned because it was a family-owned company, which makes the office setup and policies less professional. Our weekly department meetings ay parang usapan sa dining table complete with parents na nagtatalo (are like dining-table discussions, complete with squabbling parents). So I quit. After that, I found myself in another publishing company and now I am employed again by another retail company.
I do my job well, get paid well and am enjoying a middle management position. But still I feel that my calling is in fashion design. Just recently I re-enrolled in a proper fashion school that offers a diploma in Fashion Design. I feel like the “old man of fashion” in our class but I am really determined. I will be graduating in a few months’ time. I am considering a job overseas para makaipon (so I can save) and hopefully start my own fashion label. I feel the need to hurry up since age is also a factor at some of the companies I’ve applied to.
So with regard to following my dreams, is there an opportunity for a gay man in his 40s like me in the field of fashion? Like one of your previous readers said, I also believe 40 is the new 30!
Giussepe
Dear Giussepe,
I don’t think it really matters that much whether 40 is the new 30 or 50 is the new 40. Especially in today’s world, 40 is not old at all! And remember, regardless of how old you are, it is never too late to start pursuing your dream.
You may not have youth on your side, but you have something that might be infinitely more important — experience. And with all your previous experiences in the fashion industry and other related fields, you will be at an advantage over those na bagong dating sa industriya (who are new to the industry). It is this experience that you have acquired over the past years that you will have to lean on when you are already running your own business and starting up your own label.
Don’t worry about being “too old” to be in the fashion industry. Age is just a state of mind! Ang daming designer na mas matanda pa sa iyo (There are so many designers who are older than you) who are very successful at designing for young and old alike. And people of all ages have different tastes in clothes. You just need to find a clientele who will like your designs. Kung magaling ka, lalabas ang galing mo at makikilala ka rin. (If you’re good, your talent will emerge and you will be recognized for it.)
Drive and determination combined with talent and hard work are far more important as indicators of success than age will ever be.
Sincerely,
Nanay
* * *
Her ‘Houseband’ Not Strict Enough With Their Son
Dear Nanay,
I am a senior executive in a company in Makati with a very successful career. Unfortunately that also means a lot of time away from home. Fortunately, my husband has his own business and so has much more time to spend with our three-year-old son.
Unfortunately, he is a very relaxed person and not very strict. He allows our son to eat chocolates, ice cream and does not put him in a car seat when we are in the car. On the other hand, I want some discipline in our son’s life; I don’t want him to grow up obese and most of all I think he needs to be in a car seat when inside the car because that is the only safe place for a child to be.
My problem is that my husband spends more time with our son and because of his ways, there is no way to discipline our son. What do I do?
Sara
Dear Sara,
First of all, you really need to have a long talk with your husband. Show him the books and other reading materials that support your point of view and try to convince him that you are right. Because only if you are both consistent will any attempt at discipline be successful. But you had better be ready for an argument! Because it doesn’t sound like your husband will be willing to change his ways without a fight! But give your husband the facts and hopefully he will appreciate them and do what is best for your son.
If you can convince your husband, then your other problem is now convincing your son. Kasi naumpisahan na yung ice cream at chocolate at hindi na siya sanay umupo sa car seat, mahirap na baguhin yung mga nakasanayan niya. (Because he’s already started eating ice cream, chocolate, and is not used to sitting in a car seat, it will be hard to change what he’s used to.)
One solution might be to work not on eliminating things completely, but to just start limiting things. Don’t change everything right away. Dahan-dahanin ninyo. Do it slowly. Instead of two scoops of ice cream, maybe one scoop will do.
Needless to say, you have a big task in front of you. But if you are patient and consistent, I think eventually you can change the habits of your son. Good luck!
Sincerely,
Nanay
* * *
If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.