How to become a top student

Dear Nanay,

I am 21 years old and currently taking up Interior Design as my course.  At the moment, my grades are fine and average.  Sometimes I receive high grades but the problem with me is that I’m not consistent.  Honestly, I have always wanted to be a top student, but it seems as if it is never going to happen.  Often, I admire those people who have such high credentials and I wonder how they are able to do it.  However, I admit that I’m also irritated by these people who seem to have it all.

Sometime ago, I figured that maybe I was being too idealistic about my goals.  Maybe the main focus should be to become an excellent student (but not necessarily the top student).  Whenever I read more about people who have higher achievements than I do in terms of grades, I feel more pressured and envious because I know that I could never be that good.  What advice could you give someone like me who has aspirations of becoming the top-notcher of the school? 

Grace

Dear Grace,

There is nothing wrong with dreaming and aiming to be the best.  But you should also temper your aspirations with a little sense of reality that will keep you from being too disappointed if you cannot reach the lofty standards you have set for yourself.

It is good to have ambition but if you cannot make top honors, there is nothing wrong with having second honors.  As you said, even if you are not a top-notcher, wala pa akong nakilala na ikahihiya ang kanyang pagiging (I’ve never met anyone who was ashamed of being an) “excellent student.”  It is something that you can be just as proud of, especially if you worked as hard as anyone else for it.

I think it is also important that you take the time to enjoy your studies.  If you are enjoying what you are doing and you are interested in what you are learning, it will be less of a burden for you to study because you will actually have fun finding out new things while you study.

You must also realize that those top-notchers are not there by accident.  They are there because they are willing to work very hard.  If you study for one hour, they probably study for two.  They are consistent because they put their work in every day.  You have to study every single day and not just when it is exam time.  That kind of success never comes easily.  Maybe other people don’t see the sacrifices those top-notchers have to make and they think basta matalino lang sila talaga (that they’re just really intelligent).  But I am sure somewhere along the way, hard work and sacrifice play a big part in the success of those top-notchers.  So if you want to be among the elite, you need to be willing to do what it takes to get there. 

Lastly, don’t be irritated with people because they are successful.  Instead, you should let them be your inspiration. Kung kaya nila, kaya mo rin iyan! (If they can do it, so can you!)

Sincerely,

Nanay

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Hung Up On An Old Flame

Dear Nanay,

I’m 23 years old and in a relationship.  I just read your column a while ago and decided to send an e-mail to you.

Before, when I was in high school, I had an affair with my classmate but because we were still young at that time, we both decided to end the relationship.  Then, after the breakup, we became friends and have remained so until now.  We used to text and hang out when we had free time, to the point na nakalimutan na namin yung mga partner namin (where we forgot our own partners).  Every time we were lonely, we would find each other’s company.

To be honest, although I’ve been in a relationship with another guy, I still feel something for this guy and he feels the same about me.  He used to tell me that I am so special to him.  We both know that we love each other still, but he is afraid to admit it due to some matters.  As I told you earlier, I am in a relationship right now.  And iyon yung kinakatakot niya, na hindi raw niya kaya ibigay yung mga binibigay ng boyfriend ko ngayon.  (And he’s afraid that he might not be able to give what my boyfriend is giving me.) I’m a little bit disappointed in his reason because if you really love the person, no matter what the situation is, you will fight for your love, ’di ba?  Do you think I need to forget him or let destiny decide for the two of us?

Ms. Capricorn

Dear Ms. Capricorn,

I think the most important thing for you to remember is you cannot force him to do something he does not really want to do.  Whatever his reasons are — whether he is scared of commitment or maybe he really is insecure that he cannot give you what your current boyfriend is giving you — for some reason, ayaw niya talaga makipag-relasyon sa iyo (he really doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you).  And you cannot force him.  It needs to be natural and voluntary on his part. 

So what to do next is up to you.  You can just sit and wait and “let destiny decide.”  Or if you have the courage, then you can talk to him.  Kausapin mo na ng masinsinan para magkaalaman na kayo kung ano nga ba talaga.  (Talk to him honestly so you can both find out what’s really going on.) The only problem with having that “talk” is that you never know what will happen.  In the end, maybe even your friendship might be affected.

For me, I think that if he is really decided on pursuing you, then he will.  If he doesn’t, then he must have his reasons and I think you just have to respect that and let him be.  He will be ready in his own time.  Besides, you are still very young, so I wouldn’t worry about it too much.  Marami ka pang puwedeng gawin na ibang bagay sa iyong buhay. (You can accomplish a lot of other things in your life.)

Sincerely,

Nanay

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