When the other woman gets dumped
Dear Nanay,
I am married and my husband is an OFW. I met a guy who lives in a nearby city and he regularly comes to visit our city on business. He is also married with children. Eventually, we became friends. We got closer and started to exchange text messages until we finally had a relationship. I think one time his wife caught one of my text messages and it was a sweet message. I know he uses a different name in his cell phone for my number but I don’t know what happened.
After that, it became more difficult for us to see each other because we were afraid of being caught. Now we text very seldom but are still sincere and intimate. But one day, he texted me a rude and hostile message. I didn’t know why that happened, so I asked him what was wrong and if there was a problem. He replied that there was no problem and told me not to text him anymore. I kept asking what was wrong but he never replied, as if I didn’t exist! After years of having a relationship, how could he do this to me? After all the cheating I did on my husband, he treats me this way? Why can’t he be a gentleman and end our relationship properly? I am so hurt!
M
Dear M,
What you were doing is not proper. You are married so you should be loyal and faithful to your husband. Think about your family. Think about your children. What will happen to them if your family is torn apart? Sila ang kawawa. (They are the ones who will suffer.) And if they are still young, they will not understand what is happening. All they will see are their parents arguing and eventually separating. Mahirap para sa kanila iyon. (That will be hard on them.)
Unfortunately, your affair happened.
Treat the fact that he wants to end the relationship as a blessing in disguise. Think about it. Isn’t it best for both of you to end your affair? Isn’t it time to stop seeing him before the affair destroys both your marriages? Isn’t it time to cease putting one more mistake on top of the last one?
Look at it this way: at least he is already making the difficult choice to end your relationship. That saves you the trouble of making that choice. So tanggapin mo na lang (just accept it). Better to accept the hard truth and forget him. Do what I am sure you know is the right thing to do. It is time to move on.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Living With The In-Laws
Dear Nanay,
We have been staying at my in-laws’ house for about 10 years because we cannot afford to rent our own house. They have four sons, including my husband. Two are abroad and one just recently got married. All my sisters-in-law are okay, but this new one is different. She is so mega-super higop-sipsip (such a huge suck-up) to her new in-laws, especially to the old woman.
And this old woman is malambing naman to her new manugang (affectionate towards her new daughter-in-law). When we came to this house it was also the same with me. But last year, the old woman and I had a verbal war. And it was her fault. I was really mad. For all those years, I cared for her, washed their clothes, did household chores. After a week I apologized para lang walang masabi (so no one could say anything about it). But nagsumbong (she tattled) to her son (not my husband) and the result is ako pa ang masama (I’m the one at fault). So I was really hurt and mad at the old woman.
I changed because of that verbal argument. I don’t care for them anymore. I don’t wash their clothes anymore kasi malakas pa naman siya (because she is still strong). And she cannot ask a favor from me. All I think of now are my daughters and my husband.
I think because this recently married son is the black sheep, she feels grateful kasi may pumatol sa anak nila (because someone put up with him).
I asked my husband why we can’t rent and he says that we can’t afford it and he doubts the capacity of the brother and the new manugang.
Why was there a sudden change in the old woman? It seems the old woman does not appreciate our share or contribution of the expenses at the house, since we contribute less than P8,000 per month. And this newlywed doesn’t seem to help. If they help, pahirapan pa (it’s with a heavy heart).
It really burdens me and doon ko nakita na super mataas ang pride niya (I saw how high her pride was) when we had that argument. Even though we live under one roof, for me she doesn’t exist. Please help.
Dear Nancy,
I think it is time to move out of the house. You are not happy there. You are arguing with everyone. Magbukod ka na. Bakit ka nagtitiis kung hindi magkasundo at hindi masaya? (Separate yourself from them. Why are you enduring it when you don’t get along and you’re not happy?)
You have to understand that as long as you live in your mother-in-law’s house, you have to live by her rules. And even if you are contributing to the household expenses, it is still her house. Kailangan ka makisama at magtiis kasi naninirahan ka lang (You have to get along with everyone and put up with it because you’re just living in).
If you feel that you cannot afford to go on your own yet, maybe it is time that you find a job that will augment your income. Combined with the P8,000 you are contributing to the household, I think that might be enough for you to live on your own. You might have to make a few sacrifices such as living in a smaller place, or one that is not as nice. But at least it will be your own and somewhere you can be happy and live with peace of mind.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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