Positive + Negative = Balance

There are two types of chick flicks: The Bridges-of-Madison-County types and the Nora Ephron types. The first type, I can only stand for around five minutes — before I throw up. The second type, I can take. These are the chick flicks that are witty and funny — not weepy and gooey. In fact, for the second type of chick flicks, there are probably one or two of them that are actually in my top 20 movie list of all time. I know, I know, it’s embarrassing — but hey, I’m man enough to admit it, okay? One of these chick flicks that I consider one of my all-time favorites is When Harry Met Sally.

I like When Harry Met Sally for four reasons: 1) Meg Ryan’s cute (she was still young in this film); 2) I love the way Billy Crystal delivers those witty one-liners; 3) the movie has so many “can’t-top-that” quotable quotes (e.g. “You’re the worst kind of woman. You’re high maintenance but you think your low maintenance” and “I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”); and 4) I think it’s a perfect demonstration of the two different, opposing facets of our individual personalities — the positive side and the negative side.

In the movie, Harry (played by Crystal) is the negative, sardonic, always sarcastic character. On the other hand, Sally (Ryan) is the always cheerful, very positive and charming counterpart. At the start of the movie, this “characterization” is immediately evident in this exchange:

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.

Harry: That’s what drew her to me.

Sally: Your dark side?

Harry: Sure. Why, don’t you have a dark side? No, you’re probably one of those cheerful people who dots their “i”s with little hearts.

Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.

Harry: Oh, really? When I buy a new book I always read the last page first; that way, in case I die before I finish I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

Sally: That doesn’t mean you’re deep or anything. I mean... yes, basically, I’m a happy person...

Harry: So am I.

Sally: ...and I don’t see that there’s anything wrong with that.

Harry: Of course not, you’re too busy being happy. Do you ever think about death?

Sally: Yes.

Harry: Sure you do, a fleeting thought that jumps in and out of the transient of your mind. I spend hours, I spend days...

Sally: And you think that makes you a better person.

Harry: Look, when the sh** comes down I’m gonna be prepared and you’re not, that’s all I’m saying.

Sally: And in the meantime you’re gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it.

If you read the exchange above, you will most likely find yourself gravitating either to Harry’s character, or Sally’s character. Because in this world, there are two types of personalities — two types of vibes — positive and negative. There’s a third type — the so-so, in-between type of people. But even these fence-sitters have distinct moods. Sometimes they are positive. And sometimes they are negative. They are never both at the same time. Because that’s how life is. It’s like batteries — it has its positive points, and it also has its negative points. In fact, the very foundation of matter — the atom — is hinged on this positive-negative principle. One cannot exist without the other. If you split an atom — what happens? That’s right — a big explosion!

When we deal with people, there are the “Harrys” and there are the “Sallys.” There are people who always seem to have a frown or scowl on their faces. And then there are those that always seem to be bubbly and cheerful. The first types are what we commonly term as “parating masungit” or “masumpungin.” And the second ones are the “parating nakangiti.”

Now, generally, we seem to gravitate towards those who are always nice and bubbly. But you know what? That’s not always the case. Sometimes, without us realizing it, we actually gravitate towards the negative/masungit personalities — and resent those who are always cheerful and happy. Why? Because sometimes, it’s the negative/masungit ones that are more honest, candid, direct-to-the-point, and “real.” The negative/masungit ones usually tell it like it is.

On the other hand, the always- nice, cheerful ones tend to “cover up.” They try to always paint a pretty picture of things — even if things are really screwed up. A classic example is American Idol. You have Simon Cowell who is always nasty, rude and critical on one hand. Then you have Paula Abdul who always seem to praise every candidate that tries out. And even when she does “reject” someone, she still tends to sugarcoat her comments. Now, on the surface, you might think that everyone would hate Simon for being nasty, while everyone would love Paula because she’s nice. But the opposite is actually true. The fact is, American Idol is a hit mainly because of Simon’s critical and nasty comments. People like watching because they enjoy hearing a nasty putdown from Simon. Now, I’m not saying that it’s better to be negative than to be positive. All I’m saying is that in almost all situations, you need a mix of both. 

In business, there is always a need to temper over-optimism with a little bit of pessimism. And when things are down and the vibe is negative, it’s always healthy to look at the brighter side of things.  Because the reality of life is that it’s not all negative. At the same time, it’s not all positive either. You just have to look at the composition of an atom to understand this reality of life. It’s a fact of life that we can’t change. It’s the very fabric of our existence. The challenge we all face is that we have to be able to live with both the positive and the negative. We have to learn how to harness these two forces to the max. We have to always look at things with the proper perspective. All situations cut both ways. When the chips are down — i.e., profits are low, cost of supplies is up, business is slow, the economy is sluggish — you can’t be too negative. History shows that in down times, there are actually a lot opportunities that you can tap. And when things are moving up — i.e., margins are good, business is expanding, growth is healthy — you simply can’t rest on your laurels and relax. Because you may be on top now — but the reality is that if you’re not careful, it can all go away. There’s a famous saying that goes, “Just because you’re not paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.” Sure, you can be cheerful and positive. But it’s always good to balance that all-optimistic attitude with the right amount of caution.

At the end of the day, it’s all about learning to live with the positives and the negatives of life. They both exist. You can’t do anything about that. The sooner you learn to accept that, the better you will be able to adapt to this sometimes funny, and sometimes crazy world.

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Thanks for your letters, folks! You may e-mail me at rodhnepo@yahoo.com.