Measure of success

I read in the news the other day that Angelina Jolie just gave birth to twins. My reaction was, “What? Again?”  Every other month, Angelina Jolie seems to be either giving birth to a child — or adopting one.  How many does she have now, 27?  I’ve lost count. 

Anyway, what caught my attention was not so much that she gave birth,  but the ridiculous offers being presented to “Brangelina.”  Some are saying that they are being offered US$15 to $20 million for the babies’ pictures.  Wow.  That’s almost the annual GNP of a tiny nation — 20 million bucks for pictures of babies who look like any other baby in the hospital.  All Caucasian babies look the same when they are a few days old.  You could get two white babies in any hospital in the States and present them to the media as the Pitt twins — and you could probably get away with it.

One friend commented, “Wow, 20 million bucks.  Those kids are made.  Wonder what it’s like to be that successful.”  I replied, “Hmm. I don’t know.  Sure, that’s a lot of money — just for popping out a pair of babies. But I don’t know if you can call that success.”

My friend replied, “Yeah, I guess.  What is success, anyway?”   I looked at my friend for a few seconds.  I just stared at him blankly.  I didn’t have an immediate answer.

He’s right. What is success, anyway?  Is it achieving all you’ve ever wanted to achieve in life? Is it fulfilling your dreams? Is it winning it all?  Is it being on top?  Is it conquering your fears?   Is it financial freedom — being able to afford anything you’ll ever need?  Is it happiness?  Is it finding true love? Is it inner peace?  Is it being offered 20 million bucks for your baby’s pictures?

I guess you could say it’s all those things.  But a lot of people will argue that success is intangible — and that it depends on what you really want in life. 

I used to think that way — i.e., success is all about knowing what I want in life — and being able to attain it.   But as I thought about it more, I realized that I might be wrong.  Maybe the meaning of success isn’t all about what we want.  In fact, I think success has nothing to do with our dreams and aspirations at all.  I think success is more about what we do, what we give, and what we offer to others.  The operative word is not “I” or “we.”  The operative word is “others.”

I realized this when I read a nice e-mail that was sent by my sister Cynthia.  She sent me a piece written by Tony Snow, the former White House spokesman who died recently of colon cancer.  Tony was a Catholic convert, and he once referred to himself as a “very lucky man” despite the fact that he was diagnosed with an illness that would eventually cause his death.  I was moved by the piece that he wrote.  I’d like to quote a portion that really made me think about the meaning of success:

“There’s nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue — for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do….

“Through such trials [as a diagnosis of cancer], God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern for things that don’t matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?”

From Tony’s words, I realized that success has nothing to do with achievements, accomplishments, or winning.  Sure, those are all nice things — and they make us feel good about ourselves.  I’m not saying that we should stop dreaming of a better life, or aim to achieve, or try to be the best that we can be.  I’m not saying striving hard to get what you want is evil. All I’m saying is, those are not the true measures of success.  The more I think about it, I realize that success is actually the opposite.  It’s not about what you achieve and what we get.  It’s all about overcoming oneself – overcoming all our desires to get what we want or desire out of life.  It’s about removing yourself from the center of your life. 

At the end of the day, success is surrendering to the fact that no matter what you achieve or accomplish, your relevance in this world boils down to what you have given. Period. It’s not the promotion, the car, the house, the fame, the fortune, the victory that you “got.”  It’s what you give that counts. And that’s why, whenever an athlete wins, he doesn’t normally shout, “Finally, I’ve won this trophy!”  The trophy is nothing.  It’s a piece of metal.  What a winning athlete normally says is, “I dedicate this win to…” Why do all winning athletes do that?  Because, in the end, success is not about the fact of winning; it’s winning for someone — for something beyond yourself.  I think a lot of successful businessmen are beginning to realize this.  Bill Gates recently retired from Microsoft.  Why?  Because he probably feels he has taken enough.  He now wants to give. And that’s why he’s dedicating the rest of his life to positive and charitable causes. 

Recently, a member of Singapore’s parliament, Dr. Ong Chit Chung, died of a sudden heart attack.  Apparently, Dr. Chit Chung is very well loved, based on all the tributes that were given to him.  Interestingly, in all the interviews conducted, none of his colleagues or friends talked about all the laws he’d sponsored or proposed, or his various degrees.   They didn’t talk about his nice home.  They didn’t talk about the golf club membership he had. They didn’t talk about the car he drove.  They didn’t talk about his monthly income.  What did they talk about?  They talked about the 10 plasma TV sets he had installed in the senior citizens’ corner. They talked about the bursary scheme he started that benefited 300 students from lower-income families.  They talked about the personal touch he had during his meet-the-people sessions.  They talked about how he managed misunderstandings between grassroots leaders and resident brickbats.  They talked about how he helped tirelessly.

In the end, when we die, will all be “measured.”  Whether it’s by people we know — or by God – we will be measured.  And I believe we will not be measured by what we took from this world.  Even if we were offered $20 million for the photos of our babies, I don’t think people will measure us by that.  In the end, I think we will be measured by what we have given.  I think the real meaning of success in life is this:  It’s being able to give more than what we took during our lifetime.

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Thanks for your letters, folks!  You may e-mail me at rodhnepo@yahoo.com.