Is 12 old enough to have a boyfriend?
Dear Nanay,
I am 12 years old and there is this boy in school I like. I think I am old enough to have a boyfriend because some of my friends already have boyfriends. My parents say I am too young but I think I am old enough, especially because I am a first honors student! Please help me. What do I tell my parents to change their minds?
MTC
Dear MTC,
First of all, congratulations on being a first-honors student. That is something you should really be proud of because so few of us are so intelligent, disciplined and hardworking as you. Wow. What an achievement.
Unfortunately, as for your problem, I do not think there is anything you can say to your parents to change their minds … especially because I agree with them.
Your parents are correct. You should not have a boyfriend at such a young age. You are not even a teenager yet. Why don’t you wait? You will have plenty of time in the future for those so-called “boyfriends.”
It is okay for you to have “boy” and “girl” friends. But why do you need a “boyfriend”? Besides, isn’t that only a title? Isn’t it only a name? So instead of looking for a “boyfriend,” I think it is better for you to spend your time looking for “best friends.”
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Must She Love His Dogs?
Dear Nanay,
My boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I said yes. The problem is that he has four dogs that I do not like. I cannot imagine having to live with these dogs in the same house. I have nothing against them … I just don’t like dogs. Is it okay for me to tell him to get rid of them?
Ma-Anne
Dear Ma-Anne,
You can try asking him but I think you had better be prepared for the worst. You might be asking for the impossible dream. Baka iyan pa ang maging sanhi ng away ninyo. Baka iyan pa ang pagumpisahan ng paghihiwalay ninyo. (That might cause fights between you. That might be the start of a breakup.) So be very careful. You have to be prepared just in case he is not willing to give up the dogs.
You know it would be a very different story if you had an allergy or some other health problem related to dogs. But if you just “don’t like them,” then you really have to think hard about what you want to do. People who love their dogs love them like their own children. So to him, what you are asking for might be similar to him abandoning his children. Mahirap iyan. (That’s difficult.)
If you do choose to ask him to get rid of the dogs, make sure you do it in a nice way. Daanin mo sa biro. Sabihin mo: “Honey, baka puwede ako na lang ang alagaan mo.” (Pass it off as a joke. Say, “Honey, maybe you can just take care of me.”) And make sure you offer some reasonable alternatives. Maybe he can leave the dogs at his parents’ house? Or at a brother’s or sister’s house? Somewhere they can stay where he can visit them as often as he likes.
Just make sure it doesn’t sound like you are forcing him to choose between you and the dogs. And lastly, whatever you do, do not think that “if he loves me, he will get rid of them.”
Sincerely,
Nanay
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I would also like to share an e-mail I received from “Alex” regarding his opinion on last week’s letter from Angela about her son who defended himself against two bigger bullies. Alex’s passionate response makes some interesting points and points out some things about the study of karate.
Dear Nanay,
I would like to give my reaction to your column “Beating up the Bullies.” What the kid did to those bullies was the right thing to do. Bullies will forever torment their “prey” if they always get away with it. No amount of diplomacy or pleading from the victim or disciplinary action from the school can make bullies stop bullying other people. Why? It’s because bullies feel a sense of superiority whenever they make a hit or whenever they victimize someone.
What the kid did was commendable. His parents, not only his father, should be proud of him. At a young age, he was able to fight for himself. He will not grow up to be a wimp like most people who were victims of bullies. The kid’s mother definitely doesn’t have the slightest idea what it’s like to be picked on by bullies, especially when it is on an everyday basis. (She) should understand that her son used his skills because there was no other way. The kid was running out of options.
In karate, students are conditioned and trained not only in the art of karate but also the time when to use it. Karate doesn’t teach students to beat up people. Karate teaches students to use the skill only when there is no other option left.
Nanay, being a father, I always show how proud I am of my kids whenever they have done something commendable. And I would like to disagree with your advice when you said that the kid’s father should keep his joy to himself and not show the kid his delight at what he did. This will bring a bad feeling to the kid. He will grow up thinking that his father is not proud of whatever he has done, like defending himself.
Alex
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
