She’s dating her sister’s ex
Dear Nanay,
My sister broke up with her boyfriend six months ago. During the time they were apart, I would talk to him and text him regularly. By December of last year, before I knew it, I found myself in love with him and we were dating regularly. My sister doesn’t know about our relationship yet and I am afraid to tell her because I am sure she will get mad. But on the other hand I feel like she was the one who left him, so he is now free and unattached. I know I cannot keep this a secret forever but how do I tell my sister?
Problematic Sis
Dear Problematic Sis,
First of all, even if it was your sister who left this guy — who is her ex and now your current boyfriend — I don’t think I can blame her if she will feel bad that you are dating him. You can try to rationalize it all you want but in the end, there is a good chance na sasama pa rin ang loob niya sa iyo (that she will have bad feelings towards you).
If I were you, I would just look for another boyfriend. There are many fish in the sea. I think if you pursue this current relationship, you will just be asking for trouble. Magaaway lang kayo ng kapatid mo. (You and your sister will just fight.) That will make your situation too difficult to handle. And eventually, that will either lead to you breaking up with your boyfriend or you and your sister not talking to each other anymore. Is that what you want, a life of bitter resentment for your sister? And if you eventually break up with this guy, then what were you fighting for in the first place? Nasaktan mo pa ang kapatid mo. (You ended up even hurting your sister.)
Besides, there must be a reason why she left him. If he was not good enough for your sister, maybe he is not good enough for you. And think about it. Do you really want to fight with your sister over a boyfriend? I don’t think that is worth it. Blood is thicker than water.
Sincerely,
Nanay
* * *
Mommie Neediest
Dear Nanay,
My mother is 45 years old and I am 24. I moved out of our house and am living on my own in my own condo with a good job. I moved out because my father is very abusive in his treatment of both my mother and myself. After many years of marriage, my mother has finally had enough and also wants to move out and separate from my father. She now wants to quit her job, move in with me and, in her own words, “spend some time together to bond.” She says she cannot work and spend time with me at the same time. I love my mother but I don’t think I can take care of her with my job in my one-bedroom condo. And I think being together 24 hours in such a small space would drive us both crazy. But she says I am her only hope and cannot turn to anyone else. And since she wants to stop working she will need a place to stay. I want to help but I am afraid of the consequences to our relationship if things don’t work out.
Maila
Dear Maila,
The bottom line is that no matter how hesitant you are and no matter what the risks are, nanay mo iyan (she’s your mother). How can you refuse your mother? You have no choice.
Look on the bright side, at least now someone can help you with the housework in the condo. Maybe she can cook for you, help you clean or run errands for you.
I think the only thing you can do is to maybe make the best of the situation. Convince her not to quit her job. She is still so young. And at least she will have something to do. Because if she has nothing to do, mas lalo kang kukulitin niyan (all the more she will get on your case)! So make sure she is kept busy. Tell her that you won’t have time for her during the day anyway because you also have work so she might as well stay busy also.
In addition, if she keeps working and does not depend on you for everything, maybe eventually she can buy or rent her own place so that you don’t need to be together all day and every day. I think it is important for her to earn her own money and be her own person. Who knows, she might want her independence back someday. It is all right to ask for help from you, but for her own self-esteem and self-confidence, I think it is better if she can make a living on her own.
Sincerely,
Nanay
* * *
If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.
