Dear Nanay,
I am gay. I have told my parents but I am not so sure they have completely accepted it. I have a boyfriend who my parents do not know about and I want to bring him to our family Christmas dinner. Is that appropriate? I am so afraid that I might ruin their holiday. But at the same time I want to share my joy with my family.
Confused
Dear Confused,
Why not? I think it is okay for you to bring him.
However, if you are concerned about how your parents might react, then maybe you should find a way to “soften the blow.” Why don’t you introduce him as your friend first? Hindi mo naman kailangan sabihin na boyfriend mo na siya kaagad. (You don’t have to tell them that he’s your boyfriend right away.) And then you can see how he interacts with your family. Hopefully everyone will get along very well. Of course there is always a chance that your parents will not believe that you are just friends, but I think they will just give you the benefit of the doubt
Maybe you are just too paranoid. You said that you are not sure if your parents have accepted the fact that you are gay. Baka naman ikaw lang ang medyo insecure. (Maybe it’s you who are a little insecure.) Maybe you underestimate how much they love you and how much they trust your judgment. Maybe it is your turn to give your parents the benefit of the doubt.
At the end of the day, I don’t think your parents will get angry. They already know you are gay, so it should not come as a shock that someday you might have a boyfriend. And I am sure they will love you any way you are, especially now because it is Christmas. If they see you happy, for sure they will be happy also.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Suffering The ‘Other’ Family
Dear Nanay,
I am 33 and have been married for 10 years. I even “lived in” with my husband for four years before that. Yet after all those years together, he still betrayed me. He has a daughter with another woman who is now 11 months old. I am suffering terribly. Though I have forgiven him, I still can’t have peace of mind. I usually end up texting him about this girl — if they have seen each other or if he has seen his daughter. He gets mad at me and in the end, ako pa ang mali (I am the one at fault) and I have to apologize. How can I live this way?
Joanne
Dear Joanne,
You are in a difficult situation but I am assuming that you want to stay with your husband. And I agree that you should do all you can to stay together. This is especially true if you have children, because if you do, for their sake, you must work even harder to make your marriage work.
Of course the first option might be to seek professional help. It might be helpful to talk to a marriage counselor or your parish priest.
But if you ask me, if you want to stay together, I think you will have to give your husband a little trust. Kailangan mo siya pagkatiwalaan uli… kahit kaunti. (You have to trust him again… even a little bit.) Then maybe you can set some ground rules together. For example, if your husband has to talk to his daughter’s mother, then let him do so at pre-agreed times. And most of the time, there is probably no need for them to even see each other. If they can do it over the phone or by text, then it might be better to just do it that way. Like it or not, anak pa rin niya iyon (she’s still his child) and he has a responsibility to her. And because she is his daughter, he will inevitably have to have some contact with the mother as well.
Tanggapin mo na lang. (Just accept it.) You have to live with it. Find a way to make it work because that is the only way you two will be able to happily stay together. If you really love him, you will have to sincerely accept the reality.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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