Playing favorites
Do you think God plays favorites?”
I was caught off guard by my wife’s pointblank question. It came out of nowhere. We were just having a nice quiet lunch and we weren’t really talking about anything in particular. And then — wham! — she hurled it to me like a Red Sox pitcher’s curveball. For a while, I thought it was a trick question. I was thinking to myself, “Hmm… is this one of those logic-defying, angst-filled, it’s-a-girl-thing kind of questions?” I had one end of the asparagus I was chewing on still hanging in my mouth and I just sat there, frozen, unsure if I should continue chewing on the asparagus or I should spit it out and give an immediate reply. I pondered for around six seconds to make sure I gave the right answer.
When I finally got my bearings together, I looked at my wife and asked, “What did I do wrong this time?”
Wrong answer. My wife gave me a quizzical look and said, “What are you talking about? You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just curious if God plays favorites.”
Relieved at not having to answer a double-edged question, I said, “Ah, okay.” As it turns out, it was a straightforward question. But as I was about to answer, a sudden realization dawned on me: I didn’t know the answer. So I had to ask her to clarify: “In what context are you asking that question? Because I think in terms of His creatures, people are his favorites. I don’t have concrete proof, but I’m quite sure we rank higher than cockroaches and rats on His list of preferences.”
“No, I meant people,” my wife said. “Does He play favorites among people? Does He love us all the same, or does He love some people more than others?” My wife then related to me how bothered she got about a story she saw on TV about some poor people living in sub-human conditions. “How come some people have everything in the world, while others are in constant suffering?”
Man, now we were delving into deep theology. I wasn’t ready for it. I mean, sure, I’ve asked this question quite a number of times myself. But in the past, I just kind of let it pass. I figured, “Well, we’ll find out the reason behind all this unfairness in the world when we all die.” But after my wife’s question, I got really intrigued. I guess it’s because unfairness in the world seems to be more glaring these days. The scales are not balanced at all. The “haves” continue to have more. And the “have-nots” are becoming even more miserable. There seems to be so many imbalances in the world that you have to ask the question, “Is there indeed favoritism?”
Since I don’t want to get into a theological debate, I won’t try to answer the question as to whether God indeed plays favorites. I am certainly not the authority on that question. But one thing I can say is that there are certain passages in the Bible that imply — or at least give the impression — that God does play favorites. First of all, there’s the oft-used term “chosen people.” In the Bible, the Israelites were always referred to as “the chosen people,” which basically means “God’s favorites.” But then again, Jesus later clarified that He no longer made any distinction, stressing that it didn’t matter if you were a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised (I’m sure a lot of uncircumcised men are relieved at that thought). But it can’t be denied that the Israelites were God’s favorites. At one point, He even compared non-Israelites to “dogs.” He said, “It is not right to take the food of the children and give it to the dogs.” And in the parable of the prodigal son, it would appear that he preferred the sinful son. And, if you read
Preference Is A Gift
Again, I don’t want to spark a religious debate here, but based on what I wrote above, it would seem that God does have his favorites. Now, the question is, is that a bad thing? You know what I think? Not necessarily.
For me, as long as the principles of justice are not stepped on (and “justice” is another concept that deserves a separate article altogether), having favorites or preferences is not a wrong thing. In fact, I’ll even go a step further and say that the gift of preference is a divine gift. It is what makes us all unique as individuals. It’s a paradox, in a way. We are all the same in that we all have preferences. Each one of us prefers something to the other. And yet, all our preferences are different. There is no such thing as identical preferences. Even identical twins are different. From the time they are born to the time they are 5 or 6, identical twins are dressed the same by their parents. But by the time they hit 8 or 9, their individual preferences emerge. One may like soccer, and the other may like basketball. One may like GI Joe, and the other prefers Barbie. Soon the individual personalities of these twins emerge.
This may sound like a wacky proposition but to me, the differences in our individual preferences are actually what make the world go round. Can you imagine if all of us liked medicine? We would be a world of doctors. Sure, we’d all be healing and treating each other. But then there would be no one to cook our food, build our cars and construct our homes. Can you imagine if all of us wanted to become priests? We’d be saying Mass to each other and hearing each other’s sins. Can you imagine if all of us preferred to become lawyers? Heaven forbid. We’d all be suing each other, but there would be no one to render judgment — or pay our fees! That would be hell on earth.
“Favoritism” really stems from our preferences. And those preferences can be a result of so many things: our past experiences, our view of the world, our DNA. The good news is, preferences — and our tendency to have certain favorites — can change over time. For example, for one reason or another, when I was a kid, I loved champorado and hated dinuguan. It was just in my DNA. I liked champorado because it was chocolate-flavored, and kids love chocolate. And dinuguan… well, it’s easy not to like. For one, it’s awful-looking. Who wants to eat pig’s innards in black gooey sauce, right? But as I grew up, I learned to like dinuguan. One time, I was so hungry at a family reunion… and the only food left was dinuguan. I was so hungry I gobbled it up. And now I love it. As for champorado, I now find it too sweet. I’d still eat it, but it’s not on top of my list anymore.
So where is this all leading to? Sometimes as human beings we get frustrated when others play favorites, especially if you’re the one who’s at the bottom of the food chain. I get a lot of people coming up to me, whining and complaining about how their boss plays favorites, i.e., their boss has a pet employee who gets all the best treatment, the corner office, the best projects, the best perks. I have people complaining to me that certain companies “play favorites” when it comes to suppliers, and that they can’t seem to get a certain company’s business because they have “preferred suppliers.”
Here’s my message to all of you: Stop whining. There is no such thing as an equal playing field. Life is like poker in a way — we are all dealt different sets of cards. And it’s really up to us to deal with the cards we’re given. In life, there will be some people who will like you, and some people who will not like you. That’s a fact. You don’t have much control over that. So don’t delve into it too much. If people don’t like you, that’s their preference and you can’t do anything about it. The only thing you can do is choose to work harder, and hopefully your boss’s perception of you changes, like the way my perception of dinuguan changed. But if, despite all your hard work, your boss still treats you like trash, here’s the good news: he doesn’t have to be your favorite person either. You have the choice — the preference — to choose him… or to choose another boss or another company. That’s the beautiful thing about favoritism and preferences. It’s never just a one-way street.
Bothered by favoritism? Don’t fret. God allowed you to have favorites and preferences. It’s up to you whether you allow other people’s preferences to run over you, or you choose your own fate.
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Thanks for all your letters, folks! You may e-mail me at rodhnepo@yahoo.com.
