How to motivate the ultimate slacker

Dear Nanay,

My brother’s son does not like going to school. He is almost 26 years old but has not finished college. He has enrolled in many different schools and courses, but he always drops out soon after classes start. It doesn’t look like he knows what to do with his life. His parents have given up on him so they just leave him alone. He stays in the house all day doing nothing. What advice would you give his parents? Would you know of any company that would give employment to a high school graduate?

AT

Dear At,

With regard to companies who hire high school graduates, I am afraid it will be very difficult for him to find a job. There are so many factors that are working against him. First of all, most companies would naturally prefer college graduates. And although he may be able to eventually land a job, it will probably be a relatively low-paying, low-skilled, entry-level job. Will he be willing to accept that? It does not sound like he has the patience or determination to be willing to start from the very bottom and work his way up.

Perhaps the most difficult obstacle for him to overcome is the interview process. There will be written exams and an interview. What will he say when he is asked why he did not complete his college education? “Because I was too lazy”? Nobody will hire someone who says that he did not finish college because he was lazy. And there will be no way to hide from this unfortunate truth. Mabibisto ka rin. (You will always be found out.)

Having said that, what should the parents do?

I don’t know what is wrong with the child. Maybe he is spoiled? Maybe he needs to see a doctor? I am not sure what financial arrangements the parents have with him. But one of the things I think they have to do is make sure he has no allowance so he is not encouraged to sit around and do nothing. No work and no school? Then no money.

Maybe you can also start removing his privileges in the house. No video games. No television. No Internet. If he has absolutely nothing to do, maybe he will eventually get bored, come around and realize that he needs to work or go back to school.

If school is out of the question, one way to help him earn a living might be to encourage him to start his own business. Help him be an entrepreneur. If he can find something he is really interested in and go into that business, he may become successful after all. For example, if he is interested in video games, he can put up a store that sells video games. If he likes music, then he can sell CDs. If he likes the Internet, then he can put up an Internet café.

Who knows? Kahit na ayaw niya mag-aral o magtrabaho sa labas, baka magulat na lang kayo (Even if he refuses to study or work, you might be surprised) and he will become a successful entrepreneur.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

Dear Nanay,

I am a US resident living in California with a good job. My girlfriend lives there in Manila and has two children from a previous marriage, which has been annulled. We have been thinking about getting married, but people keep telling me to be careful because she might just be after my money and a green card. I don’t want to believe that my girlfriend is only after those things, but I can’t help but think about the possibility that she might not really love me. Should we get married?

Alan

Dear Alan,

Ideally, I think it is better if you find someone single with no children so you can raise your own family. Of course that is the ideal situation. I am not saying that it will not work out between the two of you because there are also many instances when relationships like yours do work out quite well. I just feel that you are assuming more risks when you put yourself in a situation like this. Needless to say, I think you are more than entitled to feel the lingering doubts that you have.

Regardless of whether your situation is “complicated” or not, I do not think you should get married if there are any “doubts” about your relationship. You need to work out those issues first before taking the plunge. When there are no more doubts, then you can get married.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment. You need to use your head as much as you use your heart. You need to think before you act. Don’t be blinded by love. Pag-isipan mo ng mabuti ang gagawin mo. Lalo na kung diyan kayo maninirahan sa America. Alam mo naman diyan, kapag naghiwalay kayo, baka katakot-takot na alimony at child support ang kailangan mong ibayad. (Think hard about what you’re going to do, especially if you’re going to be living in America. You know how it is there: if you separate, you might have to pay lots of alimony and child support.)

Another option is for you to talk to your lawyer about how to protect yourself and your assets in the event that you separate in the future. Find out your options and then you can discuss them with your girlfriend. Together you can decide what the best arrangement would be for the two of you. This is especially true for you because you will be committing so much to the marriage, not just emotionally but financially as well. Alam ko, mahirap iyan pag-usapan sa mga kakasalin. (I know it’s hard for people getting married to talk about such things.) But consider what commitments you are making and if she really loves you, then I don’t think she will have any problem discussing your options together for your mutual protection.

Sincerely,

Nanay

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