When the dream job is still not enough
Dear Nanay,
I graduated last year with a degree in management and I have been fortunate enough to land a job in the IT industry. I was even recently promoted to a managerial position. The pay is relatively high and many consider it a dream job. However, I think I have rediscovered my inner desire to become a doctor again. Even if my parents can afford to send me to medical school, I do not want to be a burden to them again and I want them to use their money for their retirement or leisure. I think I have two choices: a) have a business to support me through 10-plus years of study, or b) engage in part-time work. Do you think this is a wise move? Should I follow my heart? I am so optimistic and idealistic now to follow my heart but I do not want to regret it later and follow my stomach.
Dreaming Derma
Dear Dreaming Derma,
I think a lot will depend on why you want to become a doctor.
If you are doing it for the money, then I think you need to weigh the money you are making today versus the money you will be making as a doctor 10 years from now. You already said that you have a “dream job” and are making a good salary. Yung kinikita mo ba (Will what you earn) 10 years from now in your line of work kaya tumbasan nung kikitain mo bilang isang doktor (be able to match what you will make as a doctor)? And don’t forget, you have to include all the money you will make for the 10 years that you will be in school.
If you are good at your current job and you keep getting promotions, it might be hard to match the salary you are earning even if you become a doctor in 10 years.
Now, if you want to be a doctor because it is your lifelong dream, then I think it will be a different story. As you said, you just have to weigh your “heart” against your “stomach.” You just have to think about the practicality of your decision. But if you are willing to make the sacrifices necessary, then go and follow your heart.
With regard to your idea of part-time work or having a business, from everything I have heard about medical school, I doubt very much you will have much time for a business. Mahirap iyang gusto mong gawin. (What you want to do will be difficult.) You can probably work part-time, but it will be very difficult and will require many sacrifices on your part.
If I were you, I would stay in my current job for maybe another two years or so. Sayang din itong trabaho mo ngayon. Maganda siya at isipin mo na lang ang daming hindi makahanap ng trabaho ngayon. (It would be a shame to waste what sounds like a great job, so just think of the many people who can’t find a job nowadays.)
If after two years you still want to go to medical school, then go for it. At the very least you will have probably saved some money to help with your expenses. It is not a decision that you can take lightly because of the commitment and the sacrifices that you will have to make. Two years will also give you enough time to decide and find out if you really want to pursue a medical degree. Mahirap mag desisyon ngayon na feeling “optimistic and idealistic” ka pa. Masyado ka pang emotional ngayon. (It’s hard to make a decision when you feel so optimistic and idealistic. You’re too emotional right now.) Let things settle down and then you can make an intelligent decision. Anyway, you are still young and there is still plenty of time to go back to school.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Mommie-In-Law Dearest
Dear Nanay,
My husband and I are living with my mom and the rest of my relatives. My problem is that my mom will always “make pakialam” (meddle) in our decisions. I know she only wants what is good for us, but recently my husband and my mom just had a big fight. As a result, my mom told my husband to leave and told me not to live with my husband again. But as a wife and a mother I do not want my son to have a broken family, nor do I want to follow my mom’s decision. I want my husband and my mom to reconcile. Naiipit ako sa kanila. (I’m caught between the two of them.) What do I do?
Mrs. Confused 27
Dear Mrs. Confused,
For me, the best scenario is when a couple gets married, they should really move out of the parents’ house and live independently. However, this is not always the most practical scenario, nor is it always possible.
For you, the first question I would ask is if you and your husband can afford to live on your own. If you can, even if it would mean some sacrifice, my suggestion is that you move out. Otherwise, you might not have a choice but to follow your mother’s rules. Whether what she is saying is right or wrong, if you are just living with her, then she will definitely have a lot of “moral ascendancy” over you.
I understand where your mother is coming from. It is natural for parents to “meddle” in the affairs of their children because—sabi mo nga (as you said)—they just want what is best for you. If it is correct, then good. But if not, then that may be where the problems will start. But right or wrong, you should always listen to her because she is older and wiser. Mas marami na siyang pinagdaanan kaysa inyo. (She has had much more experience than you.) Who knows? She might have some good ideas that you did not think of before.
With regard to separating from your husband, I think that is completely out of the question. Hindi kayo puwede maghiwalay dahil lang minsan nagaway ang asawa mo at nanay mo. (You can’t separate just because your husband and mother fought once.) You do not solve one problem by creating another one. Can you imagine the problems that separating will cause for you, your husband and your children? Separating is not an option.
I know it is easy for me to say that you should bring your husband and your mother together and talk about things. I also know that it is easier said than done. But you have to try. It might also help if you can find someone who can intervene between them, maybe a family friend or a priest. Dapat yung sanay mag-referee para hindi sila mag-away ulit. Wala namang problema na hindi naaayos ng magandang usapan. (It should be someone used to refereeing so they won’t fight again. There is no problem that can’t be solved by having a good talk.)
Sincerely,
Nanay
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