The right to speakI

My brother Ernie relayed to me this really hilarious story about our high school swimming teacher. It was the first day of class and their PE subject for that quarter was swimming. So, he and his classmates went to the swimming pool area where they were met by the PE teacher. The teacher started the roll call…

"Thantos!" he hollered. "Present, sir!" Santos replied.

"Thilvethtre!" the teacher continued. "Present," Silvestre answered.

"Thiothon!" he shouted. "Present, sir!" Sioson responded.

From the roll call, it was apparent to my brothers and his classmates that the teacher had a lisp. He would pronounce the letter "s" as "thh." So while he was doing his roll call, my brother and his mates couldn’t help but snicker. They tried their best not laugh as the teacher looked a bit strict. Plus, he was a pretty big guy. He was a guy you didn’t want to mess around with him.

Finally, after the roll call, the teacher goes, "Ok, clath, we won’t have thwimming lethonth today thinth thith ith only the firtht day of thchool. But tomorrow, we thtart the formal lethonth, OK? Tho tomorrow, pleathe bring the following: your thwimming trunkth, your towelth, and your thoap."

One mischievous classmate of my brother retorted, "Sir, thoap? What’s thoap?"

"Thoap di mo alam?!!?" screamed back the teacher. "Thoap! Thabon! Thafeguard!"

At that point the class couldn’t contain themselves and they burst into laughter. Needless to say, most of them barely passed PE that quarter.

Saying It And Saying It Right

Before anything else, I’d like to say that I have nothing against that teacher of ours. He was actually a very nice guy – and to me, he was one of the more colorful personalities in high school. And in fact, I feel a bit bad using him as an example here. After all, his lisp might have been a speech defect, which might have been beyond his control. It’s not my intention to make fun of him in this piece. But I would like to him as an example to drive home a point: Apart from the way we look and the way we smell, we are often judged by the way we speak. And no matter how you feel about that – and regardless of how unfair and how cruel you think the world can be – that’s a fact of life. We are judged heavily by what we say – and how we say it.

Our swimming teacher was a person in authority, and as such, he deserved a certain amount of respect from his students. But because of the way he spoke, none of us could take him seriously. No matter how we tried, we just couldn’t help but laugh whenever he spoke and mispronounced the letter S. And that shows you the power of speech. Let’s face it. The world could sometimes be a cruel place. You say something wrong and the whole world laughs. And that’s why in this world, there are two types of people – the people who tend to speak, and those who tend to keep quiet.

Again, I wish to emphasize that I am not talking about people who have speech defects. I am talking about people who have not been able to develop the proper way of speaking – people who use wrong grammar, those who can’t seem to get their subject-predicate agreement right, or those who get their tenses all wrong; and those who mix up their P’s and their F’s. (You know, those people who say "pifty feysos" instead of fifty pesos.)

I really don’t want to sound mean. I realize that there is a serious education problem behind all of this. I am well aware of that and it is not my intention to put down all those who are "grammatically-challenged." What I am doing is merely stating a fact – we judge people by what they say. When we hear something that’s said in a wrong way, we burst into laughter, even if we actually know what the person is trying to say. He is able to communicate, but we make fun of how he conveys the message. That’s why Jimmy Santos has made a good living out of his broken English.

It’s great comedy for Filipinos. And that girl in one of the afternoon showbiz shows, Angelica Jones, is a big hit because people laugh at her wrong pronunciations and grammar.

And believe me, the victims are not only those who are poor in English. I get mocked and laughed at whenever I make a mistake. And believe me it or not, I err a lot! When I was in college, I was so embarrassed when I declared, "I am the epitome (pronouncing it as "epitowm" instead of "epitomee") of courage!" Everyone laughed at me. Man, I was already in college and I didn’t even know how "epitome" was supposed to be pronounced! And believe me, it still happens to me every so often – yes, me, a writer for a major newspaper! Writers are under a microscope all the time – our writing style, spelling and grammar are always under heavy scrutiny. One time I wrote "wreaking with body odor" instead of "reeking with body odor." And someone chastised me via e-mail as if I had committed a crime. And, in a way, I have. In this world, especially in this country, if you say something the wrong way you become the butt of jokes. And unless you’re running for president or auditioning for a part in Eat Bulaga, your reputation could be scarred for life when you make mistakes like that.

One time, my childhood friend Edu Conejero and I participated in a cotillion dance (this was during the era when girls still celebrated their 18th birthday with a formal debut, highlighted by a cotillion dance to the tune of Blue Danube). The debutante – who was a good friend of ours, and who was actually quite cute – came up to us and said, "Hi, Edu, Rod! Glad you’re here. Where did you came from?"

At that time she said this, Edu was taking a deep puff out of his cigarette and right after hearing the line, Edu snorted and all the smoke came out of his nose. He started coughing, trying desperately not to laugh. Struggling to gain his composure (and contain his laughter), he tells the girl, "Excuse ha, Rod banyo tayo (snickering, snorting)." And we went to the bathroom and laughed our guts out. Man, I almost died that day. But to this day, I really don’t know why were laughing so loud. If you really think about it, she was able to communicate what she was trying to say. And she didn’t have a funny face when she said it. But we just laughed. And it was a mocking kind of laugh, too. And I can’t explain it. Whenever I remember that story, I still laugh. Why? I really don’t know. Is it because we think the person is uneducated? Not really. I won’t even dare laugh at anyone who is deprived of a decent education. I think that’s tragic. But why do I laugh when people make a grammatical error? Why do you laugh? Why do we all laugh?

Is it because that’s the way we really are? I guess so. Is it tragic? Absolutely. Can we do something about it? Well, we can try. But it’s hard to change attitudes.

Personally, I think the best thing to do is this: Train yourself to speak well, and to speak correctly. Why? Because a lot is at stake.

These days there are a lot of courses to choose from – from IT to dentistry to economics to engineering. And all those courses are important. But if there’s one advice that I would like to give to people out there, it’s this: If there is just one skill that you can learn, consider the art of communicating.

An engineering degree might get you a job in a general contractor company. An architectural degree might land you a job in an architectural firm. An IT degree might make you the head programmer for a big bank. But I have yet to meet a CEO or president of a company who does not speak well. A great command of a language – especially the English language, which fortunately we are all exposed to – gives you what other factors cannot give you: an immediate presumption of intelligence. And as they always say, first impressions last.

OK, I am not telling you to be a literary genius, or be a stickler for correct grammar. All I am saying is this: If you want to get ahead, improve your communication skills. Believe me, when all is said and done, the people who express their ideas well eventually get to the top. And that applies to everyone – whether you are a doctor, a lawyer, a politician or a businessman.

Always remember – everyone has the right to speak. But only a few can speak right. Try to be one of them.

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Thanks for your letters! You may e-mail me at rodnepo@yahoo.com.