It’s kinda ironic that we feel bad about our deceased loved ones – and yet, if you think about it, they all seem to have it made. They are so much more at peace. No fighting, no jostling, no backbiting, no jockeying for position. Frankly, I don’t know what we’re so sad about; we should be happy for our dear departed loved ones – and sad for ourselves.
Two things attract my attention at the cemetery: the year of birth and year of death indicated on the tombstones or headstones since I am always curious about how long people lived; and the line or quotation engraved below the date. Normally, these are biblical passages – but sometimes they are famous quotes that sum up the philosophy of the deceased person. Sometimes, it’s a quote or statement made by the deceased person himself. In the case of my grandfather, Ricardo Nepomuceno, the epitaph reads "Con Mil Amores." According to my father, when my grandfather was getting married to my grandmother, and the priest asked him in Spanish, "Do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" instead of saying "Si" or "Yes, Father, I do," he answered, "Con mil amores," which literally means "with a thousand loves." At first, I thought my grandfather was professing his love to my grandmother and a thousand other women. It turns out that that statement means more like "With all my love" or "With all my heart." And I think a lot of people took note of that – and thus, it became his signature trademark.
When I visited Arlington Cemetery a couple of years back, I went to the gravesite of President John F. Kennedy. This gravesite has always intrigued me. Of course, we all know about the eternal flame. But what got my attention around the JFK gravesite was this huge marble block that contains JFK’s trademark – text from his inauguration speech – which, as all of us know, contain the now world-famous statement, "Ask not what the country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." (Boy, if only our politicians heeded this advice). Chills still run up my spine whenever I see footage of JFK delivering that powerful speech, which has become part of his legacy –his trademark. He not only delivered those words – he lived them. JFK only served for three years as president – and yet he is the most loved and the most admired US president in American history. His shortcomings did not diminish his legendary status. He lived by his words of "doing something for his country" –even if it meant his life. And that became his trademark.
I often wonder what my own gravesite will look like. Or will I even have one? I mean, we don’t really know, right? I mean, knock on wood, but I could end up in a plane crash and parts of me could end up in the Pacific Ocean. Imagine that. All those years in law school, climbing the corporate ladder, trying to make a living – and for what? To become food for the freakin’ sharks!
One thing is certain: for the people you leave behind, you will be a story – a topic of conversation. Your friends, family, relatives, acquaintances, business associates, former lovers, clients, suppliers will all hear the news about your demise. And they will have something to say. Others, especially those close to you, will weep and recount stories about you. Some, those who are not too close to you will say one sympathetic statement like, "Talaga? How sad," and then move on. But the fact is: People will have something to say – either privately or publicly.
I often wonder what people will say when I do move on to the next life. Recently, the legendary Inday Badiday died. And there was so much praise heaped on her. How she was so helpful – and how she created the whole showbiz talk show industry without stepping on people, and how extremely generous she was. Inday’s daughter and my good friend, Dolly Anne Carvajal, and other members of her family must have been really proud. To a certain degree, I was envious. I thought to myself, "Boy, when I die, I wish people would say things like that."
I’m not really sure though. But I do know one thing – I know what people will not talk about. I know people will not talk about how much time I spent at work, how much (or how little) money I made, what assets I have, or how many deals I closed. People will not talk about my achievements, my grades in school, or how many people I managed. Oftentimes, when I go to wakes, people talk about two things – the circumstances on how the person died – and how the deceased person lived his life. They will recall his or her mannerisms, anecdotes, funny situations, and, more importantly – the nice things he did. These become his trademark. And just like the trademark of a product, this determines who the deceased person was. When you mention brands like IBM, Coke, and General Electric, you automatically have a mental picture of what these trademarks represent. You know what their trademark stands for–good products. When you die, people never talk about the bad that you did. For one thing, it’s not proper. People only talk about your good points. And the big question now is: have you done enough to provide enough topics for people to talk about? What have you done that is worth talking about? Is your life all about your work? Does your work define you? Is that all there is about you? Your career? Making money? How have you treated the people around you? What were you like? Will they feel like there’s an empty hole once you leave? Or will life go on as if nothing happened.
Ask yourself – what is your trademark? What will you be known for? What mark will you leave behind? If nothing enters your mind, or if all you could talk about in your life is your career and profession, you have some heavy thinking to do.
So leave your mark now, in your daily life. When you have coffee with your friends, or when you go shopping with your family. Be conscious of living your life well on a daily basis, in everything you do. Because that is what will define you.