Some other day na lang
May 19, 2003 | 12:00am
Back in high-school, I overheard two of my classmates, Eric and Jay, conversing and I swear, it is one of the most hilarious exchanges I have ever heard in my life.
Eric: Jay, sine naman tayo.
Jay: Huwag na some other day na lang.
Eric: Ha? Matagal pa ang Mothers Day, eh! (Apparently, Eric thought Jay said "Sa Mothers Day na lang" instead of "some other day na lang.")
Everyone in our group burst into laughter upon hearing the exchange. What made it funnier was that it wasnt scripted at all and Eric really just misheard Jay. Since then, Mothers Day had a special significance to me, apart from its true relevance, of course.
But last Mothers Day was completely different, nothing funny at all about it this time. It was a very difficult Mothers Day for both my wife and me. On that day, Teemy (my wife), who was five weeks pregnant, had a miscarriage and we lost what would have been our first baby.
It was a tearful Mothers Day indeed. We have been waiting for this baby for a year and a half. And when we learned that Teemy was on the way, we were ecstatic. We really thought to ourselves, "This is IT, man! This is the moment weve been waiting for!" And we really felt confident, because there were so many signs: the positive pregnancy kit, the confirmation of our OB GYN, the delay in Teemys cycle, the usual pregnancy symptoms, everything!
And there many subtle coincidences too. I learned my wife was on the family way on May 1 "Labor" Day. Now if that wasnt a sign, I dont know what is! Plus, Teemy was getting to be moodier than usual, so that sure was a good sign! (Even if I always ended up bearing the brunt of her moodiness.)
Also, when she asked God for a sign, the moment she turned on the TV, there was this film showing a mother giving birth. Man, we had all the reasons to be optimistic. It was like negotiating a business deal all the positive signs were there. When youre trying to close a deal, you can almost feel the signals that point to a successful close. Personally, I can feel it from the conversation with my client, his words and body language. And its a great feeling the feeling of anticipation that something good is about to happen.
And then boom it happens: Something goes wrong and everything crashes. All of a sudden, you recall Tom Hanks in Apollo 13 saying distressfully, "Houston, we have a problem." Thats exactly how I felt when the doctor made a comment on the ultrasound, "The gestational sac is surrounded by blood." That same day Teemy started bleeding. And the doctor said, "The best thing to do now is to wait and pray." It was like a dagger straight to the heart.
To make things worse, on the eve of Mothers Day, I learned that one of my dear friends Diane (whos in her early 40s and a good mother herself) suffered a heart attack and, as I write this piece, is in the hospital fighting for her life. Man! It was turning out to be Mothers Day In Hell.
Sadly, there was nothing we could do about it. I just felt so helpless. It was one of those weekends that you just wanted to go away. And just like I always do when everything turns sour, I confided with God and asked in desperation, "How do you expect me to write about the positive things and declare that Its a Wonderful Life when these things are happening? Also, why is everything happening all at the same time? One by one naman, Lord!" Needless to say, I was pretty upset. And at that point I felt Holy Week just started all over again and I wanted to cry out, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"
I hate to admit it (and Im sure it happens to you, too), but God always becomes my punching bag whenever bad things happen. Not in a bad way. I guess its more out of desperation, a feeling that theres no one to turn to, and theres no one to blame for my misery. We all feel it at some point in our lives. So, we turn to the Almighty and demand for some answers.
For a lot of us in the corporate world, it happens daily. When we dont get that promotion, when we dont close that deal, or when we just had a major blunder in servicing a client, we always have a tendency to say, "God, why me? Why did this happen?" As if God had anything to do with our screw up. And when we pray to Him and ask for something, we demand things as if we deserve what were asking for. We say something like, "Lord, I hope I can get that raise. How come you gave that jerk, Gerard, a raise? He doesnt even go to Mass on Sundays! Plus, he sleeps around with the boss wife. I know because I sleep with her, too, and she told me herself!"
While I dont think God is the type who likes to interfere or meddle in our daily affairs in his pastime, I do believe that He is around and He does listen. And I also do believe that He always answers prayers, but its not always a "Yes." In fact, oftentimes, it may be a "No" or perhaps a "Wait." Although, this may sound like a fatalistic attitude (something the Spaniards taught us), especially for those who have adopted the modern-day thinking of "Enjoy life to the fullest" and who dont care much about the afterlife.
I am a great believer that while sh*t can sometimes happen it does happen with a purpose and with a reason. Well, frankly, if that werent the case, I dont know what the hell were doing in this world. I mean, if there wasnt a God or a reason for being, and if there is no greater meaning to all of this, then I would like to ask, "Is this what life is all about? Sleep, eat, work, party, get drunk, throw up, and sleep again? If you believe that, then go ahead and indulge. The world is yours for the taking. And then, guess what? You die. And youll probably die miserable too.
If thats what you think life is all about, then I pity you, my friend. Youre no better off than that stray dog that I see near our village who eats everything he could get from garbage cans and hits on every bitch that comes around. I believe life is definitely more than that.
Which brings me back to God. Like I said, things happen for a reason. And as to what that reason is, only He knows. And its not up to us to question because we are infinitely nothing compared to Him. One thing I learned in this world is you just have to accept whatever is thrown your way because you know what? Youre not in full control anyway.
Look at JFK Jr. He was the sexiest man alive: a gazillionaire who had the most respected family legacy in the world. And then bam! It was finished in flash. One moment, he was king of the world; the next moment, he was floating with all the fish in the Atlantic. You would think that he had the world at his feet and he was in full control of his destiny. Not.
Whether you believe in accepting Gods will, Allahs will, or Buddhas will, there are just some things you cant control in this world and you just have to accept that and live with that thought. If you cant accept that rule in the world, tough luck, youre in for a wild ride, buddy.
I oftentimes ask God, "When will I ever know the reason, Lord?" These days, I want to ask Him why He deprived us of the joy of having our baby. And I swear, I hear Him, albeit faintly, telling me: "Some other day na lang, Rod. Some other day. " And to which I reply impatiently, "God, matagal pa ang Mothers Day."
I do hope God has a good sense of humor.
To our dear angel, I dedicate this article to you. Though we had you for only five weeks, you made us very happy. I know you are up there with your Big Papa. And I must say, I am very envious. Maybe God knew you were going to be so adorable, so He decided to take you so you can be beside Him. But I hope to see you someday. And to quote Eric Clapton, "Will you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?" I hope you will remember Mommy and me.
We love you!
For all those who supported us in our moment of grief we thank all of you. To our wonderful doctor, the ever-patient Dr. Dan Milla, thanks so much lets give it another shot! And to everyone out there, thanks for taking time to read this very personal piece. You may write me at rodnepo@yahoo.com.
Eric: Jay, sine naman tayo.
Jay: Huwag na some other day na lang.
Eric: Ha? Matagal pa ang Mothers Day, eh! (Apparently, Eric thought Jay said "Sa Mothers Day na lang" instead of "some other day na lang.")
Everyone in our group burst into laughter upon hearing the exchange. What made it funnier was that it wasnt scripted at all and Eric really just misheard Jay. Since then, Mothers Day had a special significance to me, apart from its true relevance, of course.
But last Mothers Day was completely different, nothing funny at all about it this time. It was a very difficult Mothers Day for both my wife and me. On that day, Teemy (my wife), who was five weeks pregnant, had a miscarriage and we lost what would have been our first baby.
It was a tearful Mothers Day indeed. We have been waiting for this baby for a year and a half. And when we learned that Teemy was on the way, we were ecstatic. We really thought to ourselves, "This is IT, man! This is the moment weve been waiting for!" And we really felt confident, because there were so many signs: the positive pregnancy kit, the confirmation of our OB GYN, the delay in Teemys cycle, the usual pregnancy symptoms, everything!
And there many subtle coincidences too. I learned my wife was on the family way on May 1 "Labor" Day. Now if that wasnt a sign, I dont know what is! Plus, Teemy was getting to be moodier than usual, so that sure was a good sign! (Even if I always ended up bearing the brunt of her moodiness.)
Also, when she asked God for a sign, the moment she turned on the TV, there was this film showing a mother giving birth. Man, we had all the reasons to be optimistic. It was like negotiating a business deal all the positive signs were there. When youre trying to close a deal, you can almost feel the signals that point to a successful close. Personally, I can feel it from the conversation with my client, his words and body language. And its a great feeling the feeling of anticipation that something good is about to happen.
And then boom it happens: Something goes wrong and everything crashes. All of a sudden, you recall Tom Hanks in Apollo 13 saying distressfully, "Houston, we have a problem." Thats exactly how I felt when the doctor made a comment on the ultrasound, "The gestational sac is surrounded by blood." That same day Teemy started bleeding. And the doctor said, "The best thing to do now is to wait and pray." It was like a dagger straight to the heart.
To make things worse, on the eve of Mothers Day, I learned that one of my dear friends Diane (whos in her early 40s and a good mother herself) suffered a heart attack and, as I write this piece, is in the hospital fighting for her life. Man! It was turning out to be Mothers Day In Hell.
Sadly, there was nothing we could do about it. I just felt so helpless. It was one of those weekends that you just wanted to go away. And just like I always do when everything turns sour, I confided with God and asked in desperation, "How do you expect me to write about the positive things and declare that Its a Wonderful Life when these things are happening? Also, why is everything happening all at the same time? One by one naman, Lord!" Needless to say, I was pretty upset. And at that point I felt Holy Week just started all over again and I wanted to cry out, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?"
I hate to admit it (and Im sure it happens to you, too), but God always becomes my punching bag whenever bad things happen. Not in a bad way. I guess its more out of desperation, a feeling that theres no one to turn to, and theres no one to blame for my misery. We all feel it at some point in our lives. So, we turn to the Almighty and demand for some answers.
For a lot of us in the corporate world, it happens daily. When we dont get that promotion, when we dont close that deal, or when we just had a major blunder in servicing a client, we always have a tendency to say, "God, why me? Why did this happen?" As if God had anything to do with our screw up. And when we pray to Him and ask for something, we demand things as if we deserve what were asking for. We say something like, "Lord, I hope I can get that raise. How come you gave that jerk, Gerard, a raise? He doesnt even go to Mass on Sundays! Plus, he sleeps around with the boss wife. I know because I sleep with her, too, and she told me herself!"
While I dont think God is the type who likes to interfere or meddle in our daily affairs in his pastime, I do believe that He is around and He does listen. And I also do believe that He always answers prayers, but its not always a "Yes." In fact, oftentimes, it may be a "No" or perhaps a "Wait." Although, this may sound like a fatalistic attitude (something the Spaniards taught us), especially for those who have adopted the modern-day thinking of "Enjoy life to the fullest" and who dont care much about the afterlife.
I am a great believer that while sh*t can sometimes happen it does happen with a purpose and with a reason. Well, frankly, if that werent the case, I dont know what the hell were doing in this world. I mean, if there wasnt a God or a reason for being, and if there is no greater meaning to all of this, then I would like to ask, "Is this what life is all about? Sleep, eat, work, party, get drunk, throw up, and sleep again? If you believe that, then go ahead and indulge. The world is yours for the taking. And then, guess what? You die. And youll probably die miserable too.
If thats what you think life is all about, then I pity you, my friend. Youre no better off than that stray dog that I see near our village who eats everything he could get from garbage cans and hits on every bitch that comes around. I believe life is definitely more than that.
Which brings me back to God. Like I said, things happen for a reason. And as to what that reason is, only He knows. And its not up to us to question because we are infinitely nothing compared to Him. One thing I learned in this world is you just have to accept whatever is thrown your way because you know what? Youre not in full control anyway.
Look at JFK Jr. He was the sexiest man alive: a gazillionaire who had the most respected family legacy in the world. And then bam! It was finished in flash. One moment, he was king of the world; the next moment, he was floating with all the fish in the Atlantic. You would think that he had the world at his feet and he was in full control of his destiny. Not.
Whether you believe in accepting Gods will, Allahs will, or Buddhas will, there are just some things you cant control in this world and you just have to accept that and live with that thought. If you cant accept that rule in the world, tough luck, youre in for a wild ride, buddy.
I oftentimes ask God, "When will I ever know the reason, Lord?" These days, I want to ask Him why He deprived us of the joy of having our baby. And I swear, I hear Him, albeit faintly, telling me: "Some other day na lang, Rod. Some other day. " And to which I reply impatiently, "God, matagal pa ang Mothers Day."
I do hope God has a good sense of humor.
To our dear angel, I dedicate this article to you. Though we had you for only five weeks, you made us very happy. I know you are up there with your Big Papa. And I must say, I am very envious. Maybe God knew you were going to be so adorable, so He decided to take you so you can be beside Him. But I hope to see you someday. And to quote Eric Clapton, "Will you know my name, if I saw you in heaven?" I hope you will remember Mommy and me.
We love you!
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