Who am I?

Got you there.

I knew you’d read an article with a title like that. All of us, at one point in our lives (or perhaps more) ask ourselves that question. It’s the ultimate philosophical "I-am-a-really-a-deep-thinker" type of question. Some of us have to deal with this even before we’re ready to answer it. I for one had to grudgingly answer it when I was applying for college. You see, in Ateneo (at least during my time), you had to submit an essay answering the question "Who am I?" I told myself, "How the heck am I going to answer that question when I don’t even know what I’m going to wear to the party this coming Saturday night?" I had real problems at that time, you know.

Anyway, there’s a lot to deal with whenever one encounters this question, since there are so many aspects of our being. And one aspect of my being I’m particularly concerned with these days is my being Filipino.

In the past, it was already difficult to live the motto "Proud to be Filipino." After the Abu Sayyaf kidnappings and 9-11, there is even more reason not to be nationalistic. Our country is in the blacklist of almost all first-world countries. We still can’t seem to get our act together, even if 16 long years have passed since Edsa. A lot of our politicians are still hopelessly crooked and unfocused. Our economy is still in shambles. Our streets are still dirty. Our walls are still full of graffiti and are pissed on with reckless abandon. Traffic is still horrendous. And pollution is so bad I am thinking of putting up a salon business specifically for nose-cleaning. (That would certainly make money!) I got so fed up with all of this I decided to take a break from it all. So three weeks ago, my wife and I took a break and went to Europe.

And boy, did we have a blast! We went to all the picturesque places – Rome, Verona, Venice, Vienna, and Paris. Beautiful places. If anything, being immersed in that world made me forget the Philippines – which was great! The sights were so unreal. I’ve seen Europe in pictures and movies – but that’s different when you actually see it. It was like being in a painting.

But you know what? As we stayed in those cities we learned more about them. We became "close and personal" with the places we stayed in. And after a while, what intrigued me was not so much their innate beauty but rather the problems these countries have.

Rome, for one, is full of graffiti. No wonder "graffiti" is an Italian world. They invented it! They have the same traffic and parking problems as we have here – probably worse. And the way people drive there, man! A Pinoy jeepney driver could win "The Courteous Driver of the Year" award in Italy! They drive like there’s no tomorrow!

When we got to Paris, there were lots of bums begging in the streets – just like here. (Funny, though, their bums could pass for Fashionista models in the Philippines).

In Verona, while you admire the beauty of old churches, you could also smell the stench of the garbage being incinerated nearby. And there were lots of pigeons around, thus a lot of pigeon poo which they can’t get rid of. Plus, the churches are primarily just tourist spots now – not really places of worship.

In Venice, the riverways around the city have a certain smell I can’t describe. And as you can imagine, it floods there a lot! And in Vienna, where they are having elections around this time, people are complaining about their politicians.

The trip was certainly an eye-opener for me. I realized that I put myself down too much for being Filipino. It dawned on me that "Hey, we’re not all that bad!" For one thing, the food here is much better. And we have more choices. Plus, we seem to be happier as a people. People there don’t seem to be very happy for some reason. Maybe it’s the cold weather. Our churches may not be as pretty, but they’re packed to the brim with real worshippers!

So what does this mean? Am I now burning with Pinoy Pride? I guess so to a certain extent. You can’t change a feeling overnight. But I must say, I am much less ashamed now for being Filipino than when I left for the trip. It’s weird because when I was there, I felt an uncontrollable nationalistic sentiment burning in me whenever I met different Filipinos. Whenever we saw Pinoys who have sort of become "Europeanized," my wife and I would look at each other, sneer, and say silently, "Oh c’mon, your skin is as brown as ever, no! You can never be European so quit ‘feeling’ European!" And then there were those Filipinos who, despite being in Europe for decades, still have a lot of "Filipino" in them. You could see it in the furniture and the stuff in their house. These are people who have clearly not forgotten their roots and know "who they really are."

A classic example is my cousin Pat Sutter, our host in Vienna. She is very active with the Filipino community and she edits a Filipino journal there. I admire these types of people. Despite the fact that there is every reason in the world not to be proud of being a Filipino, she still is.

And I guess that’s what being nationalistic is all about: Accepting who you are and embracing both the bad and the good. It’s not about being proud when everything is A-OK. You have to be proud regardless – because that’s who you are.

Now that I am back home, I am delighted to see that not everyone has given up hope on our country. There are some people who are still going against the tide and are doing their own little share in promoting the Philippines.

For example, I was invited (together with the MTV crew) to the Queen City International Run (QCIR) in Cebu which will be held on Nov. 24. This run is organized by the Cebu Visitors and Conventions Bureau led by indefatigable Pato Gregorio of the Waterfront Group of Hotels. This will be a unique type of "mardigras run" and will be the first of such kind to be staged in any part of Asia. It is patterned after Hawaii’s 50,000-participant Aloha Run and Australia’s 90,000-strong Sydney to Surf run. Since these runs attract hundreds of tourists, it is the hope of the CVCB that the QCIR will also put the Philippines in the map of "ideal destinations" to visit. Considering the recent bad publicity the Philippines is getting, this effort on the part of Pato and the CVCB is nothing short of heroic. It shows loyalty even when the chips are down. That is true nationalism right there folks!

So whenever you encounter the age-old question "Who am I?" again, don’t be contented with answering what you are. Go beyond that, and try to answer the question "Who can I become?" And more importantly, "Who can I become for God and country?" Only then will you realize that the question "Who am I?’ is worth answering.

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Thanks for your letters – you can e-mail me at rodnepo@yahoo.com.