‘Panalo, talo, teka...’
About 10 years ago I had the pleasure of collaborating (read: conniving) with the fabulous funnyman, comic-strip creator, painter and animation artist Nonoy Marcelo (bless his Mwahaha! soul), of Tisoy and Ikabod comic-strip fame, on a special thrice-weekly visual feature on the front page of The Evening Paper.
We conceived of a corner box below the fold that we called Panalo, Talo, Teka... — which translates into Win, Lose, Wait... For this original feature we reviewed sociopolitical, cultural, athletic, business and technological developments every other day, and listed down what we considered worthy of appreciation, merited a tsk-tsk reaction, or qualified for a hung jury thus far.
In brief, personalities or institutions that were exposed for a supposed anomaly suffered comeuppance or a downturn, or figured in an embarrassment were selected for the day, on an M-W-F basis, and listed in the Talo category. Conversely, those whom fortune smiled upon, or who made us feel good with their achievements, were declared winners and made it to the Panalo list that took precedence. Individuals or agencies engaged in impasse situations, or the situations themselves that involved a yet unresolved confrontation, were listed down in the third bracket marked Teka.
Panalo bore a thumbs-up icon, Talo had it thumbs-down, while Teka had an open palm signifying forbearance. Then Nonoy would choose one among the three to five citations per bracket, and render it in caricature.
The feature did attract a lot of attention and favorable ha-ha commentary. It was our version of a Win-Lose-Draw evaluation of the week’s events, primarily of local import, but sometimes also involving global icons, such as when Michael Jordan made a successful comeback and led the Chicago Bulls to another NBA threepeat. Or when Sonny Jaworski turned 50, and Nonoy depicted him as a chest-puffing golden boy doing push-ups by a cake groaning with birthday candles.
Oh, how I wish Nonoy were still around to pass judgment and guffaw over Pinoy society’s foibles, of which we are assured a weekly, nay, daily surfeit — the rest of the world as well.
If one were to browse through the papers this past week or so, for instance, and scanned TV news programs, it should be a cinch to come up with winners, losers, and draw-ers for the nonce.
Easily topping the Talo chart list would be basketball has-been (... there, done that) Paul Alvarez, who fell asleep in a cab at five in the morning, pummeled the cabbie for taking the wrong route, wound up at a police station where he tangled with a TV reporter, Gretchen Malalad, who happens to be a Southeast Asian Games gold medalist in karate, thus gutsy enough to fight back.
After elbowing the girl (girl!) in her face, and pulling her hair, Alvarez got smacked and clawed right back. Good thing for him the venue for their videotaped duel was too confining for a roundhouse kick. For all his cavalier efforts, he got fingerprinted and had to post bail, apart from having to issue a public apology. How dyahe! Ay, Talo, Talo si Paul Alvarez! On the other hand, this Gretchen is definitely Panalo!
The case of journalist Malu Fernandez vs. the blogosphere also merits inclusion in the PTT fun chart. Deluged with vituperation from Dubai to kingdom come, the perfumery expert had to resign as a columnist from two publications. Now, to be kind, let’s just say that the Pinoy blogosphere came out the winner by a knockout. Panalo!
Our Armed Forces have lost 56 men since July 10 in a series of clashes with the Abu Sayyaf, invariably reported to have been augmented by the MNLF and/or the MILF. Eh ano pa, kundi Talo! Ang AFP. If in its defense one can only point out that the enemy had casualties of slightly more than one-to-one, then it begs the memory and question of how one Roman soldier was said to be worth 10 of the enemy ranks at the very least, depending on the quality of the barbarian horde. Or earlier, that a single Spartan was the fighting equivalent of a hundred turbaned marauders.
On the political front, Senator Ping Lacson’s attempt at reviving the “Hello, Garci” probe, with an apparently more determined star witness in Vidal Doble, may be listed under Teka, especially since Justice Secretary Raul Gonzalez immediately barked back with a threat to embarrass the solon, warning that “If he doesn’t let sleeping dogs lie...”
Well, that quote, yet another addition to his lengthening mirabile dictu litany, becomes another manifestation of the kind of “transactional law enforcement” the DOJ chief subscribes to, in typical tit-for-tat adventurism — per STAR columnist Jarius Bondoc. Bravo, Jarius! Panalo! As for the DOJ Chief, well, let’s be kind and put him, anent this issue, under Teka, where he joins Senator Lacson and Doble.
Unfortunately for the DOJ, er, okay, its head honcho, victim Julia Campbell’s mother Linda, upon visiting the scene of the crime in Ifugao, recalled Secretary Gonzalez’s remark on her daughter’s adventurousness, and went on record with a lament over his “insensitivity.” This time Gonzalez makes it to our Talo list.
Panalo would obviously have Senator Loren Legarda for topping the early surveys for the 2010 presidential preference. She would have to be joined by MMDA chair Bayani Fernando, albeit he’s no fave folk hero of ours, for earning plaudits from the President for his “Excellent!” report on the progress of his envisioned elevated U-turn at the C-5 and Kalayaan junction. As gravy, this member of our local version of the Three Tenors also wound up with the flood-control budget formerly handled by the DPWH. Aba, Panalo!
As for his fellow tenor Angel Reyes who had to take over the Department of Energy because Lito Atienza couldn’t make a son succeed him as Manila Mayor, and had to be given the Environment portfolio he asked for (despite his celebrated tangle with an environmentalist group seeking to preserve a forest park by the Pasig), well, off to the Teka form chart for both gentlemen.
Baywalk operators, Talo! Museo Pambata and its head Nina Lim Yuson, Panalo! — for obtaining a new 50-year lease on its building from Mayor Alfredo Lim. As for Lim versus street basketball courts, uh, Teka!
Smugglers of luxury vehicles that were smashed up on Subic? Siempre, Talo! The idea for the smash-up operation itself? Well... It’s been pointed out that the legal process called for an auction, but then PGMA was sufficiently convinced that dramatic coverage was worth more than multi-million-peso bids. So, Teka!
The quality of DECS-approved textbooks questioned by Antonio Calipjo Go? Hmm. At best a Teka for DECS, at worst, Talo! But DECS canceling classes in the middle of a storm-tossed day? Talo! Talo! Talo! School kids, teachers, parents, drivers — all Talo!
PGMA’s holiday economics? Teka for schools and businesses, Panalo for carefree students and couldn’t-care-less workers.
Lucio Tan and his billions versus PCGG with hostile witness Bongbong Marcos? Hmm. Teka, teka, teka. The Marcoses seemingly on a grand comeback? Panalo for them, Teka for us, especially Senator Noynoy Aquino.
Intramuros Administration chief Domingo Ferrer reportedly sacked for graft? Talo. Another Intramuros controversy, involving the NCCA (National Commission for Culture and the Arts), with Chair Ambeth Ocampo, executive director Cecile Guidote Alvarez, and the NCCA Board’s recent decisions and actuations being questioned by the “small fry” together with artists and cultural workers — hmm... At best, Teka. At worst, Talo ang NCCA, especially now that a “desire letter” from the President has reportedly express preference for a DECS Undersecretary to take over as executive director. Ay, Talo lahat.
The Negros Navigation porters performing dance routines at Pier 2 before ships sail off — Panalo! Same for the national penitentiary’s dance exercise for inmates, which even made it to BBC and was a multi-hit wonder at YouTube! Panalo!
Tikoy Aguiluz and Cine Manila, with Quentin Tarantino as special guest — Panalo!
A schism in Couples for Christ — Talo! How this might now affect Gawad Kalinga, especially after Tony Meloto resigned from the CfC board — Teka.
Ex-PBA Commissioner Noli Eala — Kawawa naman, pero Talo. The San Mig-sponsored RP basketball team that failed in a qualifying bid for an Olympics berth — Talo. The SoKor team that won third in the Japan tourney and kept its hopes alive — Panalo. The NBA All-Star team currently seeing action in a FIBA qualifying tourney for the Olympics — Panalo.
The UE Red warriors on 10-0 winning streak in the UAAP — Panalo. The Joe Lipa-coached UP Fighting Maroons with a similar spotless record, but at 0-8 — Talo. The SBC Red Lions and star forward Yousif Aljamal vs. the NCCA Mancom — Teka, teka.
Our ice skaters — Panalo! Our Blu Girls losing out to Taiwan — Sayang. Talo.
On the global front, Tiger Woods and Roger Federer — Panalo! Elvis Presley on his 30th death anniversary — Panalo!
Manny Pacquiao, after his sudden turnaround from California — Teka. Ara Mina, whether the gossip is true or not — Panalo!
The Ruffa Gutierrez - Yilmaz Bektas saga? Ay, Ewan.
