To be 40-plus and single — no problem!

A male friend pointed it out to me: if you reach 40 and you are still single in the Philippines, either of the two is true, 1. You’re simply not the marrying type; and 2. You’re gay.

In my case, I have the monopoly of both the answers. And who’s complaining? Not me. Not even my mother. Well, for a while, my father had an issue about it but he rest his case and he died a happy man, embracing fully his Junior’s own brand of fulfillment.

Early on, I knew I was more than a woman. I knew I was more than a man. But I also knew I was not Wonder Woman. Neither was I Superman. I just knew me — my strengths, my weaknesses, my capabilities. I thought that was all that mattered.

I am a single man who has a beautiful relationship with God and my family. Check.

I am a single man who has a beautiful relationship with my friends — both single and married. Check.

I am a single man who has a beautiful relationship with my colleagues — single and married. Check.

I am a single man who has a beautiful relationship with myself. Double check. Make it triple.

“As long as you’re happy with yourself, there’s no problem remaining single,” says a college friend, who also happens to be an alpha single female. “And even if there are discomforts to being single, that should not be a problem to eat or drive in dark places alone,” she continues. Being a statistician, she has done analysis of variance of relationships. “Amorous relationship, for me, comes and goes.” She was offered marriage once or twice but she was honest with herself and her boyfriend (now her ex) that she was not simply the marrying type. The guy still keeps the ring hoping to one day see her having a change of heart. But she seems to be the girl who can’t be moved.

“Some people are cut out for marriage. It’s not just in my fiber. And because of my choice, some people have labeled me — stubborn, strong-willed, man-hater. Another one called me a dyke. I wish I were a lesbian. There’s nothing wrong,” she continues.

My good friend and Allure creative director Luis Espiritu says, “The most important relationship in life is having a good and honest relationship with yourself.”

Luis says a happy relationship with the self comes with “the purity of intention.” He adds: “When you love yourself, even if you’re alone, your unconditional state embraces the overflowing abundance of the nature of being single. The roots of love begin from within as it branches out towards others.”

Yet the uninitiated non-single people will always question the single blessedness of others. How many times did I encounter relatives who have the ubiquitous question: “When will you get married?” They ask it like they would be the ones to foot the bill of my wedding reception. They are not aware that they intrude your privacy. And when you answer them with silence, they will continue to pounce: “Sayang ka. Mag-asawa ka.” Now, that’s foul! But the good-natured me will always answer: “Hindi ho ako sayang. Besides, I can’t share my bed with someone else.” I leave the scene before the assault starts anew. Many times, it’s pointless to argue. I remain happy to be single.

If sleeping in one bed is a requisite for a couple to stay together, I am afraid I will fail in the bed department. I cannot sleep with someone beside me, unless that person is my mother, my brother or my nieces and nephews.

***

A colleague once handed to me a three-page reading material that highlighted the many myths of being single. Here are two myths:

Myth 1: Single people are miserable and lonely and die alone in their apartments where they are eaten by their cats.

Myth 2: Singles are less happy than married ones.

Since when did one’s civil status become the yardstick of one’s happiness? Neither your cat nor dog nor your spouse can make you happy if, to begin with, you are not happy with yourself. 

People who say it’s lonely to be alone surely have not yet experienced how to be fully happy. Dating oneself to a movie or to a dinner is a treat for one  who is truly happy. And if being single at the age of 43 is a problem to many, well, not to me and to my countless friends who still enjoy dating themselves.

Being single does not mean being empty. Again, that’s a myth. Being single is having a healthy relationship with the self. Those who do not have a healthy relationship with the self will always find the faults of the world rather than discovering and appreciating its many charms.

To be alone means to tread the path to self-realization, to nurture the road to enlightenment, to traverse the discovery of self-actualization. It is perhaps because of these traits that the word single-blessedness came into existence.

To be single and alone also means to be alive. That’s a fact. Feel free to have a date with yourself — alone and happy.

(For your new beginnings, please e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com. I’m also on Twitter @bum_tenorio and Instagram @bumtenorio. Have a blessed Sunday!)