The Friend Zone

MANILA, Philippines - “When a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she’s either really interested in you or you’re Level 99 Friend-Zoned.” — brotip #1709

Coined in 1994 by the popular television comedy Friends, the “Friend Zone” has come to mean a friendship where one person wishes to enter a relationship but the other does not. In other words, it’s that special place in purgatory where lovelorn humans are shamelessly flung into the abyss by those who just don’t fancy them. Before you acknowledge that you’ve been “Friend-Zoned,” consider how you are being labeled.

On closer examination, the term Friend Zone throws up a series of contradictions. To be in a “zone” has connotations of restriction, suggesting that those assigned to the Friend Zone are compartmentalized. It is ironic to call someone a “friend” if the intention is to simply regulate what kind of relationship the two of you could possibly have. Is it appropriate to enter a friendship with predetermined rules? The juxtaposition of “friend” and “zone” undermines the concept of friendship.

Whilst there are inherent contradictions in the term Friend Zone, nevertheless this terminology continues to be used as a form of polite social interaction. The fact that the Friend Zone is ambiguous makes it a euphemism for its actual meaning — “I don’t want to be romantically involved.” While on the surface it appears to be a consolation of friendship, in reality it is a rash decision about whether you’re dating material or not. Thus this fabrication stems from the compulsion people feel to be “nice” to each other. Being direct and possibly causing offense are expected to be social sins, so people have resorted to softening the blow, even if it leads to misunderstanding.

In spite of the negative connotations of the Friend Zone, there are many reasons for people to endure this position. A “friend” in the Friend Zone sets ground for a potentially dangerous kind of relationship — how is this person ever going to be fully satisfied with being “just friends?” It is extremely difficult and unrealistic to assume that this person does not hold any underlying motives, particularly if he has been placed there beyond his own will; in his head, you’re not a friend and thus his motives aren’t friendly. The Friend Zone, in reality, is just a controlled zone for this guy to get close to the girl he’s after. He has settled to be a friend with the hope that something more could eventually happen, which then allows room for him to create his own fantasies. If his hopes and dreams cloud the reality of his actual position in the Friend Zone, the lack of mutual understanding will, by default, nullify the friendship.

Friendship involves trust, honesty and freedom to be yourself; this may be difficult to achieve when one person in the friendship may have an ulterior motive. The Friend Zone is a way of socially and sexually positioning people: by putting someone in the Friend Zone, you are essentially giving this person the wrong impression i.e. “leading him on,” which instills a sense of false hope in this person. Furthermore, the idea of rejection may lead to a severe lack of confidence, which is fundamentally displayed through an analogy between the Friend Zone and the Russian idea of Face Control. Face Control is a term used to describe how elite bars and clubs carefully select the most attractive or most powerful people to enter the vicinity — everyone else is left standing outside. If entering the club is representative of having successfully embarked on a relationship with the person, then all the people who have not been admitted are consequently in the Friend Zone. Does being alone in line whilst waiting for a vacancy in the club constitute a true friendship?

“Face Control is Russian for, ‘The management reserves the right to refuse admission’.” — The Economist

We all know how messed-up the Friend Zone actually is. No one wants to be tossed in the dreaded Friend Zone and yet people still fail to realize it for what it really is: a simple tool — an escape route — to let people down easy. So face the brutal truth! The Friend Zone is actually synonymous to the Dump Zone. Once you’re in there, there’s no getting out.