If men could speak through this column, they would say:
1. Our habits and routines are set in stone. Please don’t even think of changing what we like to wear, do and eat. Tossing out those grimy sneakers will result in civil war.
2. Our health is not our problem, but yours (and please make it so). If we fall sick from eating or imbibing too much of the wrong things, we expect you to baby us, and to make us well.
3. If you want to be loved for more than your anatomy, don’t listen to the lady newscaster reporting on the imminent collapse of half of Europe’s economies, only to chirp, “She should’ve parted her hair on the other side.”
4. The best way to a man’s heart is through his ego. Often, it’s the only thing bigger than our stomachs.
5. Men lose about five words a day from their memory. Somewhere between saying “I love you” for the first time and celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, they’ve lost a whole dictionary. But don’t worry — that grunt does mean “You’re the most wonderful person I’ve been blessed to know, and thank you for bearing up with me, sweetie.”
6. Men were once babies, too, and a little cuddling, massage and a hug after a long day is always welcomed.
7. Unless it is a life or death situation, please do not bother us during a sports match on TV.
8. We rarely share our thoughts and feelings so during the few occasions when we do get out of our cave and open up to you, genuine attention and acknowledgement would be much appreciated.
9. Yes we like looking at pretty women, on the street or in movies and magazines. But please do not say that we are the only ones who do this as we have only two words to say in response: Brad Pitt.
10. We love cars. The way they look, feel and ride turn us on. Please do not complain about it. Men can obsess about worst things, right?
11. Women use an average of 25,000 words a day. Men use only about 10,000. Please do not expect us to keep up. This is a contest we would gladly lose.
12. We love our hair more than you do because we may have to say goodbye to it sooner.
13. Men who honor their mothers make better husbands.
14. When we have problems, we do not want to get sidelined by analyzing our feelings about it. We just want a definite solution to rid ourselves of it.
15. If you need something from us, say it! We are lousy at picking up hints.
16. If we ask you what is wrong and you answer, “Nothing,” we are surprised why you get angry. Aren’t we supposed to believe you?
17. We are not blessed with multi-tasking abilities like you. So please do not disturb us at work unless it is an emergency.
18. If you are going through a hormonal phase, please do us the courtesy of a verbal announcement. We do not want to realize it the hard way.
19. We have the attention span of fleas so when relating a story, please opt for the Cliff Notes version.
20. Please do not nag. Our romantic partners should not resemble our mothers.
21. If you think we drive too fast, you should see us when you are not in the car.
22. Even if it isn’t true, we would appreciate it if you act as though we are in charge. Our egos depend on this illusion.
23. Yes, the skimpy outfit looks hot on you but no way are you wearing it outside our dressing room.
24. Our jobs define who we are so those long hours at the office are just that. Long hours.
25. We love sex. We think about sex. Life without sex isn’t worth living. We think about sex all the time. It doesn’t mean that we are pigs and it does not mean that we will fool around. It’s just that… did we tell you how much we love sex?