Age of confidence

It came as a bound book — a sharing of experiences of a group of women. On a topic many only speak about after the fact. I know I did. So that was what midlife was about... I thought to myself as I emerged from a deeply challenging and transformative time a couple of years back... that transition phase from one level of being to the awareness of constantly becoming on a deeper and higher level. They call the midpoint of life, this mid-life, an awakening. And indeed it is. For from this process emerges a new and deeper sense of Self that arises.

Women are more sensitive to these changes. And High School Batch ‘84 group from Maryknoll College chose to chronicle personal experiences of Maryknoll graduates in a book entitled Age of Confidence edited by Cathy Babao-Guballa. They speak as one voice of Woman, in all the nuances of Woman that can be expressed, celebrated and identified with. From the depth of Love that never ends as narrated by Deedee Siytangco, to the courage to move on of Maggie de la Riva. From the personal search for identity in career of Isabel Berenguer-Asuncion and Sari Yap, to the success and uniqueness of the Global Filipinas such as Dita Sandico Ong, Margie Moran-Floirendo and Edna Vida Froilan. From the deepening of faith of Maite Defensor, and finally the inner strength and wisdom obtained by the solo journeys of Criselda Lontok and Nina Lim-Yuson. They are only a handful of women I have named here whose simple ordinary lives narrate how confidence has come into their lives. They have emerged from the rough often painful experiences at middle adulthood, to bounce back with resiliency, a little older, wiser today... wanting so much to live life fully.

Kathleen A. Brehony in her book Awakening at Mid-life said, “What we call the midlife transition is actually an spiritual and psychological process, not a chronological one, and it is quite possible that the symptoms and changes that we associate with midlife can occur at any point in our lifespan.” But it is at midlife’s vantage point that we see life halfway done, and death closer. Midlife is a dive, a transformative process, an awakening to creative and spiritual possibilities found in our innermost beings, and finally, a liberation. This process, if experienced with awareness, brings forth a deep confidence.

Technically, midlife begins from the age of roughly 38 years old until around 47 years old. Some would define it longer as this midlife would encompass the peri-menopausal and menopausal stages. Not only are hormones major issues here, but the whole nervous system is being re-wired. When women enter the threshold of 38, they begin to lose the sense of direction of their inner rudder. By age 40, issues of youth fading away can be a signpost for an immanent and steady decline. Ages 42 to 43 are one of the most intense ages, as all of one’s comfort zones are broken and all aspects of life are stretched — career, relationships, physical health, financial issues... everything. Suddenly, old patterns are forced to be thrown away and new ones better be found soon. Illusions also need to be given up. What is clear is that one cannot use the same patterns before 42, after one goes through the turning point age of 43. By age 44, a deeper awareness sets in and from there on, confidence emerges like a butterfly ready to fly liberated and free. 

I went through the understanding of midlife when I was in my early thirties through the sharing of women friends older than me. I watched them, listened to them, as they went through their own personal journeys. I resolved as I went through mine, that I would share my own experiences with my younger women friends. The process has been one of deepening friendships and love for my women friends both older and younger than me. It’s a beautiful circle, this women circle, sharing the stages of midlife’s changes. And this is what this book does. Through the various stories of the Maryknoll women included in the book, all women will connect and find themselves there. And the promise of the process lies in the title itself... confidence arises. It is a book I suggest every woman to read. For we all are enriched by other people’s lives and lessons and just need to continue this circle of sharing.

(If you know other women at midlife, get a copy of the book “Age of Confidence,” edited by Cathy S. Babao-Guballa. Call 428-7438 or visit www.mchs84.multiply.com)