“This is it. No turning back,” I mumbled to myself as I alighted the car in front of the airport’s departure area. My hands were clammy as I pushed the cart that contained my big and small luggage. I could feel beads of sweat running down my back, as if chasing each other as I inched closer to the main entrance of the airport. My heart seemed to leap out of my chest as the guard inspected my passport and ticket. By the time my bags passed through the X-ray scanner, my mind had not yet stopped asking: “Can I make it to Madrid alive?”
That day was eventful for me. It was the first time I was flying after more than a year of not riding the plane. I developed a phobia of flying when my niece passed away and I was abroad when it happened. For a long time I shunned traveling. I couldn’t go far away from home. In my mind, any place that was two hours away from my loved ones in Laguna was already far. So I did not travel by land, too.
Before I embarked on this particular trip to Spain, however, I made some physical and mental preparations for a month. My best friend Christine Dayrit took me on a long road trip from southern to northern parts of Luzon. My dearest friend Rachy Cuna even brought me to a hangar where a private jet was waiting for me to take me on my first taste of riding the plane again. I even had a long discussion with my parents who told me that I should take the trip because they also wanted me to see the world again. They even promised that they would take care of themselves while I was away.
With all the drills, I thought I was already prepared. After all, I was told that the best way to cure phobia is to face the fear head on, stare at it straight in the eye and just cross the line that separated freedom from fear.
Inside the airport, even if I could still feel the air pushing out of my chest, I managed to locate my group at the business class counter of Thai Airways. At the lunch briefing we had a week before our trip to Spain I told them — Marbee Go of Bulletin, Gibbs Cadiz of Inquirer, Liza Ilarde of Travelife, Malu Dueñas of Thai Airways and Audrey General of Agatep and Associates — about my fear of flight.
I even told my good friend Nivat Chantarachoti, general manager of Thai Airways, about my fear and he assured me everything would be okay. (He even joined us on the first leg of the tour, from Manila to Bangkok, to see us through.)
* * *
My fear subsided with my group keeping me company as we enjoyed the sumptuous food at the Royal Orchid Lounge of Thai Airways.
I was upbeat until it was boarding time. We were about to enter the bridge when I felt like backing out again. But I had the conscious effort to just walk on. I was hyperventilating the minute I stepped inside the plane. Instead of going straight to my seat, I rushed to the lavatory and threw up. Marbee was by the door, calming me down with her words. When I was a little bit settled, I walked to my window seat. Gibbs, my seatmate, was calm. His silence was therapeutic. (Later he told me he saw me ashen already that was why he was quiet.)
I looked out the window with a hazy vision. Kernels of sweat began to run through my forehead again. I wanted something sweet. Marbee heard my request and headed to where Liza was seated to ask for candies. Liza dashed to open the overhead compartment where her carry-on bag was. It was surely heavy but she managed to pick it up with one hand and in a jiffy threw some candies my way. Gibbs unwrapped one for me. I popped it in my mouth. The sugar rush somehow helped but my fear was still eating me up. My seat at the Royal Silk Class was big but at that moment my fear was bigger. I stood up again and headed back to the lavatory. My second time. Marbee was outside the door again, reassuring me that everything would be all right. When I went back to my seat, the plane was already taxiing. I saw Audrey, Malu, Liza and Nivat in their respective seats, craning their necks in my direction, looking worried. But they could not come near me because the plane was about to take off.
The plane took off with me embracing myself. Gibbs was giving me a pat on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. I felt my chest was constricting, ready to explode. “I am going to die,” I really thought. I looked out the window again and saw everything was hazy. My life flashed before me. As I heard the engine of the plane whirring, I saw snippets of my childhood in the tarmac, the day when I was still a child, playing in the sand. I was crying and praying at the same time. I embraced my self tightly and buried my head against my chest. I thought I passed out. I woke up when I sensed someone was tapping on my shoulder. The plane was already steadily airborne.
“Come, sit beside me,” Nivat asked me. I obliged as we walked to two vacant seats.
“I should have not pushed through with this trip,” I told him. The trip was assigned to me by my editor, Joanne, who was confident I could conquer my fears.
“No. It was good that you took it. Soon you’ll find out your fear is gone. Believe me,” he said as he pressed my hand. “See, you can fly away again,” he said with a comforting smile. For the duration of the trip we were seated together as he talked me out my fears. It took me two more hours and three more trips to the lavatory for my fears to subside. Before landing time, I went back to Gibbs, Liza, Audrey, Marbee, Malu and gave them a hug one by one. I was just too happy to have found new friends.
By landing time, I was again a little nervous but Marbee was beside me this time. She gave me an orchid then held my hand.
When I got out of the plane, I felt liberated. I looked around the Suvarnabhumi International Airport in Bangkok.
Life was beautiful again.
* * *
Wonder of all wonders, my trip from Bangkok to Madrid was such a breeze. This time, I have 11 hours to enjoy Thai Airways Royal Silk Class. Like a kid, I maneuvered my big, big seat. It was so big it complemented my anticipation to see Madrid again.
The flight attendants were warm and hospitable. Coming from a horrific experience of battling my own demons at the first leg of the trip, their welcoming smile was a balm to the soul. Less than an hour after my sumptuous dinner on board, I stood up for a lavatory trip; this time to freshen up a little before I went to sleep.
I reclined my seat and was surprised that I could actually sprawl on it like a bed. This is by far the best “bed” I had ever slept on airborne. The Royal Silk Class was so comfortable I thought I was in the confines of my own home. I enjoyed the Royal Orchid Service. Truly, the whole journey was as smooth as silk.
I went to dreamland with a smile. When I woke up, I felt refreshed and rejuvenated. I could hardly believe I made it to Madrid!
Nivat was right, I could fly away again!
(Thai Airways flies from Manila to Bangkok every day. It flies from Manila to Madrid via Bangkok three times a week. For more info, please call 817-5442 or 812-4812.)
(For your new beginnings, please e-mail me at bumbaki@yahoo.com. Have a blessed Sunday!)